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  1. #11
    Ceepa is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by hellokitty View Post
    Worst yet, when we moved back, both of my siblings moved out of state soon after and DH's brother was already out of state, so now we are the only adult children that have been ditched with the crazy parents. So we deal with about 75% of their craziness compared to what our siblings deal with, due mainly to the fact that we live closer, so I guess they feel it is ok to lay everything on us.
    OMG. This is our situation too. The siblings have moved far away and we'd be the only ones nearby to deal with the issues. Luckily, DH's job would put us about an hour away from all of them. But that's still close enough. They expect a LOT from us and it's exhausting. We would have to go in expecting them to resist our new boundaries but I cannot imagine going back to the old way.

    Wow. A lot to consider.

  2. #12
    Ceepa is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by LarsMal View Post
    Sort of! We moved closer, but are still about 45min- an hour from the fam. So far so good! We're close enough that we can see them when we want to, but far enought that we don't have to go to every.family.event (which is a lot in my family).
    See I worry because I know they would want us to spend all our holidays, birthdays together. They were like that even when we first moved many states away. Really! LOL How do you decline constant invites when you live relatively close?

  3. #13
    Ceepa is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoyNChrist View Post
    There are times I fantasize about moving far far away, but I know we're really blessed to have the situation we do. I love that our children are growing up around so many people who love them, and it's so nice to know that we have tons of help if we need it.
    Your situation sounds ideal for your kids. You're really lucky.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceepa View Post
    Your situation sounds ideal for your kids. You're really lucky.
    We really are. I like it especially because, since we married young, we still have almost all of our grandparents (one of my grandfathers passed away when I was a child), and because we're so close and see them so regularly, DS at least will actually remember his great-grandparents, not just from stories and pictures. And they're all still in their 70's, so there's actually a chance the twins will get to know them as well. It's just special...not something everyone gets to do these days.
    Stacy
    Wife to K
    Mommy to A (5) and twins E & S (1.5)

    The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make...I did not live in the moment enough. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. - Anna Quindlen

  5. #15
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    We haven't moved back but my parents have bought a home here and are planning to live here next year. My in-laws want to purchase a townhome or condo as well. DH and I are freaking out. I think the distance allows us all to get along much better.
    -Melissa
    Mom to M (2002) & M (2014)

  6. #16
    Ceepa is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by wellyes View Post
    So in my experience, your relationship with them pre-kids won't necessarily be the same as what it'll be post-kids.
    Fortunately since DC arrived things have improved, DH and I are more proactive in presenting boundaries for ourselves and our children. But that was always with the buffer of hundreds of miles. Hoping things wouldn't breakdown significantly.

  7. #17
    LarsMal is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ceepa View Post
    See I worry because I know they would want us to spend all our holidays, birthdays together. They were like that even when we first moved many states away. Really! LOL How do you decline constant invites when you live relatively close?
    Kids come in really handy as my get-out-of-family-time free card!!!! Honestly, I just started saying, "Sorry, we can't make it." Period.end of story. It is working so far!

    My family is big on every holiday/birthday being a family affair. For some reason the 45-minute distance is enough for them to understand us not wanting to "travel". My family is in MD and we're in VA. You may as well be going to China when you talk about crossing the river into the other state! Where we ended up was not an accident, even though we like to tell them it's because VA has more state school options...you know, because we're so close to the college years!

    (Of course, I'm getting ready for 35-40 of our closest friends and family to come out for C's birthday on Sunday. So, we still get together, just not as often as we used to.)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by LarsMal View Post
    Kids come in really handy as my get-out-of-family-time free card!!!! Honestly, I just started saying, "Sorry, we can't make it." Period.end of story. It is working so far!
    Avery has frequently developed "fevers" and "ear infections" when there was a family event I especially didn't want to attend.
    Stacy
    Wife to K
    Mommy to A (5) and twins E & S (1.5)

    The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make...I did not live in the moment enough. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less. - Anna Quindlen

  9. #19
    brittone2 is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    We are sort of in the same situation. We had a rough relationship for a while with my ILs, and things got pretty intense right before we moved down here. THe distance over the past 5 years has made things a bit better...we only see them about 2-3x a year.

    Now we're moving back to the general area. I'm definitely concerned about how things will go. On the bright side, we'll still likely end up at least an hour away, so not close enough to get together all that often most likely. For me this is key...I could not move back if we were going to be say within a 20 min drive.

    On a positive note, my BIL/SIL just had a baby recently and I'm excited for DS2 to grow up with a cousin very close in age, etc. My older kids also have a cousin that is close in age to them that will be in the area, along with some great friends and their kids.

    I wish you the best. I may be visiting the BP more often in coming months
    Last edited by brittone2; 04-30-2010 at 04:04 PM.
    Mama to DS-2004
    DD-2006
    and a new addition-ds born march 2010

  10. #20
    hellokitty is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by codex57 View Post

    Unfortunately for us, my mom has the means and time to plot how to get near me. We'll see how bad things get when my dad finally retires and I lose the greatest thing keeping her tied down where she lives now.
    My sil is afraid of this. Her parents are suffocating too, but currently live WITH her sister (who's not married, and won't be getting married anytime soon, b/c her parents keep sabotaging her relationships) on the west coast. The other sister and her husband live several hrs away from them while my brother and sil live on the east coast. I have the feeling that her parents are just WAITING to see who will pop out the first grandchild and then they will decide to go move to live close to them (and the single sister will finally have her freedom)! I feel bad for my brother, he's got the same issue as we do, crazy on both sides, but worse, b/c both sides of parents are Taiwanese, so they can actually communicate and meddle together. At least my in laws english is so bad, they don't really speak much with my parents. I wonder if this is what old ppl do, meddle in their adult childrens' lives, b/c they are bored and have nothing else better to do.
    Mom to 3 LEGO Maniacs

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