Is it a big deal to go out of town on DS's birthday?

[Sillygirl]

I was gone for Jonathan's 5th birthday this year for a work conference. And it's Halloween, so it's not as though I could hide it. I just told him I was sorry and we celebrated a different day. He's a pretty easy-going kid and didn't mention it at all. And the conference turned out to be really, really important for business reasons. Families find ways to work things out is my philosophy.

[salsah]

not a big deal at all. you'll still celebrate together on another day. and a one yr old probably wouldn't even know the difference. although even with an older child, i think it could still be fine.

[Gena]

My Dad travelled for work nearly every week when I was a kid. And I was born at a time of year that was vey busy for his industry, so trips could not be cancelled or postponed. As a result he missed all but 3 of my birthdays my entire childhood. And except for rare occassions (when I was being manipulative), it did not bother me at all becuase that's just how things were. We celebrated on other days, usually the following weekend.

Even now with DS, DH and I don't put a lot of emphasis on the exact day itself. Instead we spread the celebration out: one day with some relatives, another day with others, a day for just DH, DS, and me. We think it's more fun that way and it's definately less stressful on DS.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't think your DS will care (obviously) but I'm a softie about things like that so I would regret it (I'd spend the day thinking of what I was doing one year ago, what the year had been like). But if that's not your personality, and DH isn't bummed you're not there, then it's no big deal.

[Momit]

Obviously a 1 year old doesn't notice, but it may seem sad later on if there are pictures taken on that day and you're not in them.

My DH had to be away for work for our first Father's Day with DS, and he (DH) was very sad even though DS didn't notice. DS and I still had a nice day and went to a BBQ with friends, but when DH looked at the pictures he was really sad that he wasn't there and felt bad that DS would see pictures from his first Father's Day with his Dad not in them.

[KrisM]

Imo, I think that in the future you might look back and wonder why you made the choice not to spend that special day together. I know he won't know but you will. But, I don't know if I personally would feel that bad. I just know a friend recently had to make this exact choice and opted to stay home with her ds b/c he only gets one 1st b-day. I thought it was a fair point.

Beth

I agree with Beth. No, it's not a big deal for him for you to miss, but I think that in a few years, I'd wonder why I chose to miss it.

[infomama]

For me it would be a big deal. I agree with Beth and Kris

[arivecchi]

Am I missing something here?

She would not be missing the birthday party, just not be there for the actual b-day, so she will be there for pics, cake, etc.

Her 1 yo will not have a clue and what is important IMO is the family celebrating the b-day together, not the actual day.

Elektra, I would not feel guilty. Like Sillygirl said, families are all about compromise and in this case it is not even a compromise for your DS because he does not know it is his b-day.

Really, DS2 did not really know what happened that day. He just knows we allowed him to have a huge piece of cake.

[KrisM]

Obviously a 1 year old doesn't notice, but it may seem sad later on if there are pictures taken on that day and you're not in them.

My DH had to be away for work for our first Father's Day with DS, and he (DH) was very sad even though DS didn't notice. DS and I still had a nice day and went to a BBQ with friends, but when DH looked at the pictures he was really sad that he wasn't there and felt bad that DS would see pictures from his first Father's Day with his Dad not in them.

I don't think they'd have a party for him with her not there. Party would be the next day or something. She'd just miss the actual DAY of the birthday.

[egoldber]

I dunno. I once arranged to be out of town on younger DD's actual birthday thinking it would be no big deal, but for various reasons ended up not going on that trip. When it came to the actual day, I was glad that I had not gone on the trip and was home on the birthday day, even though her party was not until another day. It was actually more of a big deal to my older DD than to my younger. I know for us, we always do a small family celebration on the actual day even if the party itself is another day, so that does play into it in my mind.