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  1. #11
    conniez is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuggleBuggles View Post
    I guess the issue is dh. He really seems to want to go. While I would skip the wedding, I would have a hard time doing it if my dh was really against it. I would reschedule the vacation if he was so, so committed to the wedding. But, I know I would try really hard to convince dh to skip it!! I would suggest inviting the "newlyweds" to a great dinner when you get back into town.

    Beth
    I know DH wants to go, but his motivation for going is not because he feels like it's the right thing to do or even that he wants to go...it's: geez Cousin & N might be mad at me if I don't. REALLY? Are we FIVE?
    Last edited by conniez; 05-01-2010 at 07:37 PM.

  2. #12
    SnuggleBuggles is offline Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by conniez View Post
    I know DH wants to go, but his motivation for going is not because he feels like it's the right thing to do...it's: geez Cousin & N might be mad at me if I don't. REALLY? Are we FIVE?
    I agree that it doesn't make sense and I don't go out of my for family I really don't know well. But, is he going to be upset about missing it? Is it worth disappointments or fights, or whatever they dynamic would be for your marriage? Is it worth the logistics of him trying to do both things?

    Beth

  3. #13
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    "We're so sorry, but we have had family vacation plans in place for quite some time."

    And seriously? Is the invite the first mention of this reception you've had? At least with a "traditional" time span of wedding/reception, there is a great deal of advance planning and talk. I'd totally not feel obligated to go.
    Liz
    Proud mama to DS1: 2007
    and DS2:2010

    Life is too short to wear boring socks.

  4. #14
    conniez is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by elizabethkott View Post
    "We're so sorry, but we have had family vacation plans in place for quite some time."

    And seriously? Is the invite the first mention of this reception you've had? At least with a "traditional" time span of wedding/reception, there is a great deal of advance planning and talk. I'd totally not feel obligated to go.
    I think they mentioned they were going to do something & would send out invites. I took the formal invitation out of today's mail.
    Last edited by conniez; 05-01-2010 at 07:51 PM.

  5. #15
    ♥ms.pacman♥ is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by JBaxter View Post
    We would be going on the vacation ... Did I read it right they have been married for 2 yrs already? Yup.. the vacation !


    i just want to say that u have the right to be totally annoyed with your DH..i would be too. in no way would i go to this wedding...it isn't close family and most importantly you've already got major plans. i agree it would be unfair to your kids to cut the disney vacation short just because of this.

    i TOTALLY sympathize with your situation..... for our own wedding there was a ton of drama where basically random distant relatives and almost-strangers (neighbors of MIL, people DH & I had never even met!!) were inviting themselves to our wedding through my MIL, and DH refused to say no to them. he was just so afraid of his mom and others in his family getting mad at him. UGH. i wanted to shake the man, it was so frustrating. my DH has gotten better though, now that we have our DS, he seems to realize that his needs come first and we aren't going to go out of our way just to please his family. so maybe u can hopefully make your DH realize that your kids would have a much better/easier time going to the Disney vacation as planned, and it would be really hard on them if your DH wasn't there half the time or whatnot. personally, i'd more afraid of disappointing my own young children and/or my own spouse than possibly disappointing a random relative i don't even talk to, KWIM? sometimes husband's don't get this though
    Last edited by ♥ms.pacman♥; 05-01-2010 at 07:51 PM.

  6. #16
    conniez is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by ♥ms.pacman♥ View Post


    i just want to say that u have the right to be totally annoyed with your DH..i would be too. in no way would i go to this wedding...it isn't close family and most importantly you've already got major plans. i agree it would be unfair to your kids to cut the disney vacation short just because of this.

    i TOTALLY sympathize with your situation..... for our own wedding there was a ton of drama where basically random distant relatives and almost-strangers (neighbors of MIL, people DH & I had never even met!!) were inviting themselves to our wedding through my MIL, and DH refused to say no to them. he was just so afraid of his mom and others in his family getting mad at him. UGH. i wanted to shake the man, it was so frustrating. my DH has gotten better though, now that we have our DS, he seems to realize that his needs come first and we aren't going to go out of our way just to please his family. so maybe u can hopefully make your DH realize that your kids would have a much better/easier time going to the Disney vacation as planned, and it would be really hard on them if your DH wasn't there half the time or whatnot. personally, i'd more afraid of disappointing my own young children and/or my own spouse than possibly disappointing a random relative i don't even talk to, KWIM? sometimes husband's don't get this though
    EXACTLY! If only he would realize this!

  7. #17
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    How disappointing!

    Is there some third party with whom you two could discuss this? A counselor might be too heavy a lift. Another couple or, if you're religious, someone affiliated with your place of worship? I don't mean to overreact but since you said DH has a hang up about pleasing his relatives, this is likely to keep coming up. Your family is the primary obligation and it's really odd he would sacrifice your plans for any wedding, let alone this one.

    The fact that this trip is such a big deal to you (you have a ticker on your sig!) might give you the leverage to get him to talk about it with someone else before a final decision is made. Just because it's a fun trip doesn't mean it's not a really big deal. You're not shallow or selfish for not wanting to give it up. Maybe another perspective will help him with priorities.

    Sometimes people can accept things from a person other than their spouse. Oh, and men sometimes need to hear from another man. Just to state the obvious.

    Whatever you do, I hope DH comes around.

  8. #18
    vonfirmath is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    We planned our wedding 6 months ahead and had relatives that could not come because thye had a vacation planned already at the same time. Oh well.
    Married 3/04
    DS 8/07
    DD born 8/11

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by marge234 View Post
    Your family is the primary obligation and it's really odd he would sacrifice your plans for any wedding, let alone this one.

    The fact that this trip is such a big deal to you (you have a ticker on your sig!) might give you the leverage to get him to talk about it with someone else before a final decision is made. Just because it's a fun trip doesn't mean it's not a really big deal. You're not shallow or selfish for not wanting to give it up. Maybe another perspective will help him with priorities.
    it really burns me when men do things out of a clear sense of obligation to others (usually their families) thereby completely abandoning any sense of obligation to YOU! you've all been looking forward to this trip together for a long time and it is VERY important to you and the kids (and presumably to your DH too, especially with the expo thing). suddenly, now, it's okay to totally ditch those plans to go to a stupid non-wedding reception because it's important to the cousin's wife and he doesn't want anyone to be mad?? is he at all afraid of YOU being mad or disappointed?? not to mention his children???

    sorry, i'm just familiar with this dynamic in our house and it touches a nerve when other ladies are dealing with it too. i would be furious. definitely grounds for a 3rd party consult. he needs to realize how twisted this is.
    big sister (11/09)
    little brother (1/14)

    "I guess that's the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it, you fake your way through it, and hopefully you don't raise a serial killer." --Phil Dunphy, Modern Family

  10. #20
    conniez is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Thanks everyone for your support and/or opinions. I'm happy to say that DH basically confirmed we will still be going as planned. When he first saw the invitation he actually asked me how much we pre-paid as if to imply that we should just cancel & lose any deposit/funds paid! Can you imagine?

    Later our conversation went something like this => after a half hour of DH sitting at his desk ripping out his hair & wrestling with his conscience (only half kidding ):

    DH: "So....what would we get them if we didn't go to the wedding?"
    Me: "We could offer to take them out to dinner and make sure to get them a really nice gift."
    DH: (Handing me the RSVP card) "Okay, just respond then and go ahead and let "N" know we already had plans, and then we'll make sure to take them out to dinner when we get back."

    I think DH finally realized it was ME he would have to come home to & that I would NOT be a happy camper if he cancelled out on his kids

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