What to do to build my 4.5yrl old DD confidence?

[colegiala]

My 4.5yr. old DD has been attending a montessori schools since she was 2.5. She's healthy, very loving, loves to socialize with other kids. She just does not like to speak up in front of other people. She'll either do a baby soft voice or say nothing. I speaking in front of other people is terrifying for most people including myself, but how do I get her to overcome this fear at this early age. She does love to be the line leader where a child is chosen to begin the class lead the class in counting the days of the calendar and the teacher will ask the line leader questions e.g. who's the president? how many stars? She'll answer these but in a babyish voice. How do I build up her confidence to speak up and like how she sounds? She has told me before that she does not like her voice. We do try to give her positive feedback in other things she likes to do like drawing, puzzles or dancing. Another area where we also notice her lack of confidence is that she focuses too much attention on what she wears to school. If she does not like it she will not wear it. She will cry if she puts on something that she does not think others will compliment. I tell her all the time that she is beautiful inside and out and clothes are not important, but I do not think she gets that yet. She just will saying, mommy stop talking. We've had her on all the afters school activities for about one year like Yoga, Karate, Ballet and Gymnastics. Its convenient for our working schedule and we thought that this would build her confidence. She likes all of them except Karate, but we have not really seen an improvement in her confidence with these activities.

Any advice, books, camps, activities to build up my DD's confidence? I am just not sure how to help her.
Thanks,
Gaby

[smiles33]

I don't have any advice and am curious about potential solutions, too. My DD is younger and I notice she's shy around adults and new friends. I was a shy child and eventually outgrew my fear of public speaking in college, but I agree it would be nice to help our DDs earlier.

[salsah]

i'm curious to see others responses. part of me wants to say that this might just be normal for the age, she will outgrow it. but maybe not. i see this with my dd to a cerain extent. i think that with my dd, she is afraid of making mistakes or being wrong.
you said that your dd doesn't like her voice. i think i would focus on that first, as well as look for other possible reasons. is it only in class, or in other settings as well?

[turtle12]

what about activities that are fun but that include a public performance for family and friends? like a kids drama class, or a dance class. or you could ask the teacher if they ever do show and tell...might be small steps to encourage public speaking in a non-threatening way.

[pinkmomagain]

Do you make special time for the two of you on a regular basis? Where she gets your undivided attention? I've heard professional advice that parents of anxious kids should try to spend some one on one time with them...Could help with confidence. I know that my sister got the advice for BIL to spend more time with my DN (even just the two of them running an errand, chatting in the car, doing a project) and they are seeing benefits.

We are all such busy parents and particularly if there is more than one child in the family, sometimes it's hard to carve out time with each one individually. I'm trying to be more conscious of it myself.

[vludmilla]

Do you make special time for the two of you on a regular basis? Where she gets your undivided attention? I've heard professional advice that parents of anxious kids should try to spend some one on one time with them...Could help with confidence. I know that my sister got the advice for BIL to spend more time with my DN (even just the two of them running an errand, chatting in the car, doing a project) and they are seeing benefits.

We are all such busy parents and particularly if there is more than one child in the family, sometimes it's hard to carve out time with each one individually. I'm trying to be more conscious of it myself.

I agree. Great advice.

[vludmilla]

Another idea may be to ask your DD if she would like to work on a small goal...such as speaking louder at a certain time. I would make the goal small and very achievable. If she agrees, then you help her by gently reminding and encouraging her. Model the behavior you want from her. Praise her when she succeeds. Be careful not to praise her too much or offer praise that is too exuberant because that can seem false (even to a 4-5 year old). I think the key is to try to ensure that she experiences success. Self-esteem emerges from positive, successful experiences of self-efficacy.
Good luck...I've needed to try to help my own DD deal with this at times.

[LMPC]

I, too, like the idea of working on small goals together. But I think they need to be her goals, not goals you think she should have. If she sets the goals, I think she'll be more inclined to want to reach them.

When talking about extracurricular activities, I would look for some that foster communication and do not stress body-type (hope that makes sense)....with Yoga, Karate, Ballet and Gymnastics there isn't much communication between participants. I'm thinking something along the lines of scouts or soccer.

[salsah]

Do you make special time for the two of you on a regular basis? Where she gets your undivided attention? I've heard professional advice that parents of anxious kids should try to spend some one on one time with them...Could help with confidence. I know that my sister got the advice for BIL to spend more time with my DN (even just the two of them running an errand, chatting in the car, doing a project) and they are seeing benefits.

We are all such busy parents and particularly if there is more than one child in the family, sometimes it's hard to carve out time with each one individually. I'm trying to be more conscious of it myself.

that is great advice for everyone! i think so many of us know it, but we get caught up in everything and forget to do it.

[colegiala]

Thank you for the advice on spending more one on one time. I also have a 2yr DS and work out of the house. When I come home during the week I do pay attention to both and spend my weekends taking them somewhere fun, but its always the 2 of them. I will find time for just her and I together. Daddy takes her to school now, I can take her and talk on they way there. Its a good start.