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  1. #1
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    Question Dibs on names of next baby?

    If you and a close family member (Sister/ SIL/ etc.) have very similar due dates, do you put 'dibs' on certain names that you want to 'reserve' in case they have the baby first and you're worried about them using your name choice(s)? It sounds silly, but I have my heart set on a couple of name choices if we have a girl, and my SIL is (for the 2nd time) due a few weeks after me. She & my brother are very private about names and everything in general, and I recently sent a little congratulatory gift to them on their big news and put as a p.s. in the card that I call dibs on _______ & ________. I was serious but tried to do it in a light-hearted way so she wouldn't think I was being snarky. I'm just the type of person to lay it out on the table and let people know my intentions, instead of one of us having the baby first and finding out that they chose our name!
    Is that really poor manners? It's so hard these days, as so many people keep their name choices private until they ultimately name the baby in the hospital (or before coming home). It wasn't an issue with our first kids because one of us had a boy and the other had a girl, and the name thing just never came up (we told everyone what we'd probably be naming our little one, they didn't, but since we never heard any comments or concern from them, I assumed that there wouldn't be an issue with them wanting to use the name we chose). I guess ultimately it shouldn't matter if the cousins have the same name (in our case, they don't have the same last name), but I just think it gets confusing for g'parents and such when referring to them, and I just really don't want other people using 'our name(s)!'

    What do you think? Have you done this, or would you do this? With a relative or a close friend?

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. #2
    SnuggleBuggles is online now Black Diamond level (25,000+ posts)
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    I don't think you have the right to call dibs on a name, imo. I think you can say that you hope to use one of those names but you can't tell them they are not allowed to use them, imo. By expressing your choice though odds are that would be enough for them to consider different names or tell you that they really had been planning to use one of those too. If they had already planned one of them then you need to decide what to do. But, no, I don't think it is fair to claim a name. You never know, your favorite could really be their favorite too and they have their hearts set on it just as much.

    Beth

  3. #3
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I think if you really want "dibs" on a name ahead of time, you just need to pick your name and announce it to the family via an email ("here are ultrasound pictures of Isabella Grace, due July 10, 2010. She can't wait to meet all of you!") or just drop into conversation that you've picked your name. If you send an email saying some names are off limits even before you have chosen your name, that is kind of pushy, IMO. It never would occur to me that you'd be likely to pick the same name, unless it is a family name, though.
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  4. #4
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    Yikes... thanks for the reality check! I guess I'd better do some back-pedaling to get myself out of the mess I might have created! I'll try to check in with them by e-mail or on Mother's Day to see if I stepped on some toes and need to apologize.

  5. #5
    arivecchi is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    I would not have liked that much. Hope your SIL does not mind. I agree with the PP who suggested that you just announce we have picked name X and Y. Same result but no stepping on others' toes that way.
    DS1 2006
    DS2 2009

  6. #6
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    If I'd received such an email, I would have been posting about you in the bitching post! Just kidding. Your brother or SIL might very well view the names on their private list as "their" names. How would you feel if you got such a note from a family member calling dibs on names you actually wanted to use? I would have thought it was very strange to get that sort of note calling dibs on names, when you hadn't decided on one. As another suggested, if I knew I had to have a certain name, it would have been fine to send out an email introducing baby "Isabella Grace" with an U/S - and then been bound by that choice unless Isabella turned out to be a Henry. Worst case scenario, the same name isn't the end of the world and it will not be confusing in the least for grandparents. Seriously.

    We also are totally private about names and even our very short list and don't say anything about the name until after baby arrives. This avoid comments and helpful suggestions or unwanted criticism of said choices, especially by family.

    I hope your relative wasn't too put out by your note. On the bright side, I doubt they will like either of those names for their child at this point - hope they weren't anywhere on their short list for their sake and it is a non-isse and they don't give it a second thought.
    Last edited by HannaAddict; 05-02-2010 at 05:40 PM.

  7. #7
    dhano923 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    When I was expecting DS, my #1, my future SIL's sister (who I consider a friend) was expecting her #2, and she was due 6 months before me. DH and I had chosen our boy/girl names years earlier in our marriage, so we already had the names ready. Friend's FIL had terminal cancer, so they decided to let him name the baby when he was born as he didn't have much time left. When her baby was born, her FIL picked the name we had chosen if our baby was a boy. I was really upset, as it's a unique name in our culture (Indian) and I had chosen it like 5 years earlier. I didn't say anything to Friend though, as her FIL had chosen it. When DS was born, we struggled with whether we should go ahead and use the name too, and we decided we would, since it was a name we both loved. Friend didn't say anything about it, and we are all OK with it. Ironically enough, now her DS and my DS are in the same class at school! Definitely unplanned but huge coincidence. The teacher refers to them each as Name LastInitial. LOL
    Danni
    DS 10/03
    DD 11/05

  8. #8
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    Not trying to be rude, but if you were my SIL you could dibs all you wanted. If I wanted to use the name I would, sorry. If it wasn't a name I planned to use I'd just go about my business.
    Mommy to my wonderful, HEALTHY twin girls
    6/08 - Preemies no more!

  9. #9
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    I agree that you dont really have the right to call dibs, but I totally get where you are coming from. DH and I had a girls name and a boys name picked out years before I was even pregnant. During that time, one of DH's good friends named his DD the girl's name we had planned on using. We used it anyways when DD was born a few years later (different middle names though) and his friend didnt mind in the least- he almost took it as a compliment that we liked his choice

    My SIL had a boy a few months before I had my DD. She used the boys name we would have used if DD was a boy but its a family name and I would still use it if I have a boy one day. she wouldnt mind. When I named DD though, SIL told me she would have used that name if her DS was a girl! And that was NOT a family name, just a random pretty name. She is expecting again and I would be shocked if she used our name if she has a girl. I wouldnt MIND necessarily, but I would find it strange since its not a family name and there are so many other names she could use...
    DD 12/08
    DS 1/14

  10. #10
    fivi2 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Assuming you guys are fairly close, I wouldn't be bothered or offended. But, if I really wanted to use the name it probably wouldn't stop me! If I did plan to use it, I would probably let you know.

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