Q? for Moms of sons (long-sorry)

[PunkyBoo]

Punkin is 6. He and I have always gotten along really well and for a long time, he and I would spend 90% of our time together since I'm a SAHM and he was an only child until he was 5 and Boo came along. He loves kindergarten, but the K program at his school is only 3.5 hours a day- he gets home at 12:30. He's a pretty independent kid, has always been pretty content playing by himself, which was a blessing when I had to have 2 surgeries before preg. with Boo and had bad sciatica during the pregnancy with Boo. But in the afternoons when Boo is napping, I'd like to spend some quality time with Punkin. He's active in sports and DH takes him to most of his team practices so I can stay home to make dinner and let Boo finish napping, etc. He loves playing sports, but I'm not really athletic and am not into scrimmaging soccer with him or teaching him to perfect his football throw like DH does. We used to read together a lot, but now that he is a really strong reader, he prefers to read by himself.

So we got into playing board games together, but he has a very strong competitive nature and he gets mad and frustrated when I do well and he doesn't. I've tried to take those opportunities as "teachable moments" to show him it's just fun to play even when you don't win, but lately he doesn't buy into that - he just gets mad and often says things he then gets in trouble for, so I end up telling him we're not going to play that game together anymore (and we've burned through pretty much all the games we have, now.)

He likes to help me when I bake something, but I don't do that often. I usually have stuff I need to do, but I'd also like do do things with him while it's just the 2 of us. I just feel like I'm at a loss as to how to engage with him lately- I am and was always more of a girly-girl. I don't have any brothers, so boys this age are pretty foreign to me. I hate saying it, but I kinda feel like we have very little in common- is that normal?? Any ideas to help me make that connection with him? Thanks.

[hillview]

Tough situation.
Some ideas:
can he help you cook even if not baking?
can you find some cooperative games? Or do a crossword together?
can you go somewhere together (food shopping, errands etc)?
can you research something together on the internet etc (maybe Pele and other great soccer players)?
maybe make a slide show together?

I am thinking more cooperative things vs competitive things if you tend to get bogged down in the competition part?

Good for you to think about this!
/hillary

[hillview]

Oh and you could ask him for suggestions
/hillary

[PunkyBoo]

Tough situation.
Some ideas:
can he help you cook even if not baking?
can you find some cooperative games? Or do a crossword together?
can you go somewhere together (food shopping, errands etc)?
can you research something together on the internet etc (maybe Pele and other great soccer players)?
maybe make a slide show together?

I am thinking more cooperative things vs competitive things if you tend to get bogged down in the competition part?

Good for you to think about this!
/hillary

Thank you for your (quick!) thoughts! Do you know of any cooperative games that boys his age would like? Everything I THOUGHT was cooperative still has winners and losers, or he gets snippy when he THINKS I'm doing better than he is.
We can't leave the house because Boo is napping when we have that time together.

I like the ides about researching stuff and puzzles... we do some of that, but probably not often enough. I know next year there won't be as much free time to do this stuff together, so I want to lay a nice foundation for us to have a good connection. Thanks again for your input!

[m448]

Hang in there. If you read Your Six Year Old it will put it all into perspective. Not only is 6 very competitive (to the point of doing ANYTHING to win) but it's also an age where there will be more stress between the six year old and their daily caregiver (usually mom) as they work towards separation a bit and finding their older big kid identity. Doesn't mean he'll forever write you off, just that this is only a speedbump.

[PunkyBoo]

Hang in there. If you read Your Six Year Old it will put it all into perspective. Not only is 6 very competitive (to the point of doing ANYTHING to win) but it's also an age where there will be more stress between the six year old and their daily caregiver (usually mom) as they work towards separation a bit and finding their older big kid identity. Doesn't mean he'll forever write you off, just that this is only a speedbump.

Is that a book?
Thanks.

[m448]

Yes, this one.

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Six-Year-.../dp/0440506743

Just ignore the outdated parenting advice.

[sariana]

Could he help you clean the house? My son is almost 6, and he loves to help with dusting, sweeping, putting things away (except his own toys, of course!). Granted, he's not much of a help, but it is a way to do something together and maybe get some work done at the same time.

Do you have any outdoor space? Could you do any gardening, even if it's in a container?

Just because he's interested in sports doesn't mean you have to be. As long as he has an outlet for that interest, you can do other things with him. It's probably better if they are things he doesn't do with his dad.

[gatorsmom]

I think the cooperative games is a great idea. We have several from this company: http://www.familypastimes.com/ that we really like. i have a 6yo who gets upset when he doesn't win, too. These games have been a blessing.

We particulary love Funny Face (it is a ton of fun), Max, Princess, and the Sleeping Giant. I think I paid about $10 per game for them. No one is a winner unless EVERYONE is a winner.

Sometimes I find that just talking to Gator while I'm making dinner is a great way to connect. I ask him what his favorite part of the day was, what was something he did that he enjoyed, who did he talk to, etc. And I just listen and make dinner. It's a great way to connect.

GL!

[Katigre]

I would not stop reading aloud - it remains really important through teenage age. The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease has great ideas about this. If you get a more difficult chapter book to read to him that would engage him, because you can read aloud at a much higher level than the child can read independently.

I would read Your Six Year Old b/c that will help put some of his behaviors into perspective.

I would try to do a lot of being with him in the same room - so maybe you sit and read while he plays with something nearby, maybe you have him help you do something in the house. Persevere with the board games too - he'll settle down and learn to play by the rules eventually.