Anyone else confused by conflicting information?

[Tanya]

I was the same way! I took a hypnobirthing/natural childbirth class and liked the idea of going natural, but found that I wasn't able to actually use the relaxation tapes very well. I knew I had a low pain tolerance and was nervous that I wouldn't be able to do it.

So, I did write my birth plan, but I kept it hidden in my bag at the hospital. I did end up going naturally and the darn nurse kept asking me every few minutes if I wanted drugs and I was already close to hitting her anyway. I think a part of me was soooo afraid that if I told them to stop offering the drugs that my option of getting them would also be taken away.

Anyway, it's just a plan. It doesn't mean you can't change your mind or adapt as you go along. It just gives the nurses an idea of your goals. Some women come in wanting the epidural immediately, so they just like to know if you want to try without, etc.

For my second baby, I whipped out that same exact birth plan and handed it to the nurse. It was sooooo much more pleasant not having her ask me constantly if I wanted drugs. I had made it before and I was more confident.

But yes, that first time is a bit scary when you don't know what to expect. Once you take a decent childbirth class, you'll have better ideas of what you'd like. And even if you give your birth plan to the nurse, it doesn't mean you can't change every single thing on it if you want to. After all, it IS your first time and you don't really know what to expect. But going in with a plan for different situations can be less stressful than trying to figure out what to do on the spot.

[tmahanes]

The best piece of non-propaganda advice I heard was from a nurse in the childbirth class who said basically - "Be prepared with a birth plan, but don't try to control the process to much. The baby will decide how your labor goes, so if you try to make it happen your way, you'll always be disappointed. Be aware of all your options (i.e. breathing, Bradley, epidural) and choose which one you want as you need it."

Good luck! And - I know it can be overwhelming.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Books:
Easy Labor:
http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Labor-Wom...4392895&sr=8-1

Baby Center Essential Guide:
http://www.amazon.com/BabyCenter-Ess...4393220&sr=1-1

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn:
http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Chil...ref=pd_sim_b_1

The Birth Partner:
http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Partner-...d_bxgy_b_img_b

Websites:
http://americanpregnancy.org/
http://www.childbirthconnection.org/
http://pregnancy.about.com/
obvious unmedicated leanings:
http://www.birthingnaturally.net/
more hospital based, pain meds leaning:
http://www.storknet.com/

I have loads more but hopefully that is a decent starting point.

Beth

[Indianamom2]

I agree that you need to take everything with a grain of salt. Everyone has strong beliefs about how they prefer to do things, but the truth is every birth experience is different (some intentionally so, some unintentionally.) The best you can do is inform yourself as much as possible so you know what *could* happen, and you are better equipped to make decisions if something unexpected happens.

Think of the different perspectives as options you have, and you can choose which ones you want to focus on. I agree with Beth that your birth plan should be simple, no irrelevant info. Remember, you will probably have a number of different nurses and doctors caring for you during labor, and you don't want all of them to have to sift through pages and pages of info. It also helps for you to clarify early on the most important thing(s) to you, so you can verbalize them quickly and clearly. Although I had a birth plan, my water broke early, and I had to be induced (not in the plan.) I kept my request simple and to the point - "If possible, please place him on my abdomen as soon as he comes out." I said this to every single nurse and doctor who cared for me. Their response was usually - "We can't promise (based on the medical situation) but we'll try." That was good enough for me.

The best piece of non-propaganda advice I heard was from a nurse in the childbirth class who said basically - "Be prepared with a birth plan, but don't try to control the process to much. The baby will decide how your labor goes, so if you try to make it happen your way, you'll always be disappointed. Be aware of all your options (i.e. breathing, Bradley, epidural) and choose which one you want as you need it."

Good luck! And - I know it can be overwhelming.

[Tammy]

Congratulations! My recommendation is to have an idea of what you feel strongly about (e.g. breastfeeding or bottle) and be willing to be flexible and open-minded because really, you don't want to make yourself more stressed out with the situation. If it helps you- then be prepared with those details. But keep an open mind in case things change quickly and you don't have control over them. Good luck!

[Uno-Mom]

I'm no expert - 1st time mom as of last November. But here's my thought: you are NOT going to become a different person during childbirth. So think about your preferences in life and what comforts you, and plan accordingly.

For example, I opted out of meds because I've always disliked meds. I hate that fuzzy feeling more than I dislike pain.

BUT, I also appreciate the help meds give when you really need them. I am not afraid of them, if I have the facts first. SO, after 24 hours of labor, when my midwife finally put her foot down about augmenting (there were some signs of possible baby distress - but all was totally fine in the end) I decided to accept an epi. I knew I was strong enough to continue if things were progressing, but I was excruciatingly exhausted when I found out we weren't making progress.

So, it was me making the first decision, and me making the 2nd one. Both were consistant with my lifelong beliefs and personality. I'm glad of both choices now, and I'll do the same next time if there is a next time.

There's this image of the birthing woman becoming someone other than herself. That's BS, in my opinion. So make choices based on your life experiences, not some expert's opinion.

Oh, and find a doula if you can. I'm not sure if I was more glad for the support she gave ME, or the support she gave my husband! She calmed his stress so he could strengthen me. Does that make sense?

[MacMacMoo]

Make a birth plan. Make sure the hospital even allows your decisions.

And always remember nothing is final until everything is said and done.

Everything really comes done to timing. with DS1 I thought I'd be fine without and epidural, in the end I got one.

With DS2 they didn't have time to give me and IV let alone any meds.

[MamaMolly]

...snip... One thing I've heard that is helpful is that it's really hard to do a non-medicated birth without mentally preparing for it -- so even if you're not sure you want to go that way, try to prepare for it so that it's an option;

...The place where I've been really surprised by contradictory information is breastfeeding --

Yes, and YES!! I've done it twice, and it was totally different both times. Both birth and breast feeding.

With DD1 I went into labor at 36 weeks and was totally unprepared. With DD2 the epidural didn't take on the right side, and again I was totally unprepared. I wish I'd had some techniques to deal with the pain, it was frightening and overwhelming. The nursing staff were kind, but telling me 'try to breathe' isn't particularly helpful. Looking back I'd say that none of us in that room were prepared to go with an unmedicated birth!

On to breast feeding, with DD1 I was really surprised how annoying and painful it was in the beginning. I didn't know enough to ask for help, so I struggled for a long time. With DD2 I called in the reinforcements the first week. Don't be ashamed or try to 'brave' it out. Pride got in the way of me enjoying the nursing experience the first time around. So please, please ask for help!!!! Remember, both you and baby are going to be learning how to do this.

My third tip: Investigate how the hospital does things (assuming you are delivering there). I was really, really surprised with DD1 that the hospital practices were IMO pretty outdated. Like wrapping baby up immediately, taking baby away, pro-formula, etc. Talk things over with your OB to find out how it is done so you'll know in advance how much of a stink you are going t have to make.

FWIW I delivered DD2 at a different hospital with a different OB and though there was the epidural issue it was a much better birth experience.

Oh, and CONGRATS!!!!

[ewpmsw]

Lots of great advice on here already. First, congrats and best wishes for a happy pregnancy! Here's my two cents: Pregnancy is just the start of all that wonderful/terrible/wanted/unwanted/contradictory advice and information you're going to get as as parent. It's good practice for what you're going to see and hear from here on out. (I was blown away at how much contradictory advice I got in the first six weeks of my child's life on everything from BFing to reflux to parenting an infant.)

My midwife provides a worksheet (5+ pages) to assist in creating a birth plan. The focus of the sheet is basically, "What do you want and why? How will you achieve it? How do you want to be supported?" The midwife practice I see encourages patients to wait until about month 7 or 8 to create and submit birth plans, mostly because people aren't finished attending birth education classes until then, and they're digesting all the info that's out there. I think there's a saturation point where you've got all the information and just need time to think it over without pressuring yourself to commit to a decision immediately. Educate yourself, but give yourself time to consider your options and (unthinkable!) take a vacation from planning for the birth once in a while. There is so, so much info out there, you can drive yourself crazy trying to take it all in. Don't forget to relax, enjoy your pregnancy and go easy on yourself when it comes to making the big decisions. What you want will come to you in time. (I'm sorry if this sounds lecturey and BTDT. I made myself a wreck trying to plan every last detail the first time around.) Good luck and happy planning!

[boltfam]

FTM here, so I'm in the same boat as you. One thing I've heard that is helpful is that it's really hard to do a non-medicated birth without mentally preparing for it -- so even if you're not sure you want to go that way, try to prepare for it so that it's an option; if you don't have non-medical comfort measures that you've thought through, you'll most likely end up with the drugs (not that there's anything wrong with that).

That is great advice! With both of my pregnancies, I went into childbirth with the thought of trying to do it without medication but being open to an epidural or other meds if necessary. With both of my dc, I dilated too quickly to get an epidural so it was a good thing I knew breathing techniques and other comfort measures to get me through.

Ditto to the breastfeeding thing NOT being simple (at first). It is natural but it can be difficult, so don't be afraid to ask for help.