For those of you who were around 40 when TTC

[09Mom]

THANK YOU all for responses. I have talked to DH about this but he says he doesn't want to be rushed/pressured, so I am trying to explain the issues at hand without pressuring but not sure how. The last time we talked about it a few weeks ago he said he'd be up for discussing a timeline in a few months, but I am trying to explain at my age every month counts, especially when my cycle is beginning to get funky (which could also be due to DD weaning).

[ourbabygirl]

Do you have any friends, relatives, or coworkers who've had kids later and had trouble conceiving? Maybe you and he could talk to them so he can get another viewpoint, especially if there's a guy he could talk to that has gone through it (and would be honest with him and say "Dude, do it now!")

Good luck!

[lilycat88]

Yeah, don't wait. I was 2 months shy of 35 when DD was born and I'll be 2 months shy of 41 when this baby is born. I was technically receiving fertility treatments to conceive DD but we conceived on our own with no medicine/intervention the cycle AFTER we stopped fertility tx. We putzed around not entirely sure we wanted a second but would welcome another starting in Jan 08ish. Gradually through the year starting low level fertility treatments. In Jan 09ish we were fed up with the RE we were working with and got a second opinion because we realized we really were interested in having a second. Turns out I had extensive uterine scarring that probably developed post my c-section due to a minor infection. All the fertility treatments the 1st RE threw at me wouldn't have helped and he didn't bother to think there could be some other issue. So, after surgery in Feb 09 and May 09 and 2 cycles of injectible meds and IUI, we had DS on the way.

[goldenpig]

That's tough. I agree, don't wait, the risk of infertility and birth defects only increase the longer you do. Good luck talking it over with your husband.

Can you at least start charting so you know when you're ovulating, especially if your periods are irregular? That way you'll have a head start if/when you do start TTC.

This book is helpful:
Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-...4385776&sr=8-1

I'm still in my 30's, but I have a longer than 28-day cycle. We used this ovulation monitor and it worked in 1-2 cycles both times, so you may find it helpful too:
http://www.amazon.com/ClearBlue-Fert...4386016&sr=8-3

[Ninotchka]

He may not want to be rushed/pressured, but he has to understand that his desire to have extra time may cost you your (plural) chance to have another child. I'm sorry to be harsh, but it's true. Or it may cost you tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatment.

Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. I wish I could say that to everyone in their 30s who's waiting for just the right time. I started hemming and hawing about it when I was 32, started TTC right after I turned 33, gave birth to my first (and maybe only) at 36, after 3 IVFs and one loss. You just don't know if you're going to get lucky, and I wouldn't gamble with something this important.

[DrSally]

If it were me, I wouldn't wait.

[sunnyside]

I wouldn't want to wait either. No sense in risking it. I have so many friends with fertility issues and they are having a tough go of it.

[rupptopia]

I agree with the previous posts. I got pregnant right at with #1 but it took 20 months of charting & finally clomid & an IUI to conceive #2. Luckily, we were able cancel the appt with the RE to talk about IVF. Many of my friends have had lots of issues getting/staying pregnant with #2 or #3 after having previous easy pregnancies. I think it is b/c we all waited longer to have kids.

Maybe show him the average cost of different fertility treatments in your area? And mention how hard infertility drugs & etc. would be on your body! Those drugs are not fun.

It is much easier both physically & mentally to do it naturally - you should give your family the best chance at it, even if that means starting when he is not completely "comfortable" with the idea. He'll have months to get used to the idea once you are pregnant!

[ChunkyNicksChunkyMom]

I was married when I was 40 and pregnant on second try, then one miscarriage, then second child born 17 months after first. I was truly very lucky. People usually assume
we had some kind of assist. I also and really starting to hate it when I calc in head "When I am 65, Nick will be 20" and so on. Don't wait!

[ourbabygirl]

Back to add that when DH and I were consulting with some doctors about fertility treatments (granted, I was only about 27 or so at the time, but I was still worried that my eggs were getting old and dying off!), they gave us some pamphlets and paperwork about the chances of getting pregnant with assistance like IUI or IVF... the numbers decrease *dramatically* as a woman's age goes up. I don't have exact statistics, but it's definitely a known fact that the older you are, the more difficulty you're likely to have getting pregnant, and once you hit 35 you're considered Advanced Maternal Age and need to do more testing of the baby (in utero) for genetic defects, etc. Anyhow, I'd think, for financial reasons, if nothing else, he should be encouraged to 'get going' if he doesn't want to go through all the emotional roller coasters.