For those of you who were around 40 when TTC

[brgnmom]

I probably wouldn't wait. I got pregnant with my DS at 26, and I'll be 31 when DC2 will be born later this year in November. We waited to try for DC2 because initially, we planned to get pregnant later with our DS, but getting pregnant happened a lot sooner than expected the first time. We knew that we'd be moving long-distance soon, but still didn't try to prevent during the time we got pregnant with DC2 (primarily b/c of the age gap between DS and DC2, which will be 4 years).

Hopefully your DH will be on the same page as you soon.

[ThreeofUs]

If you got preggo quickly at 38, you probably won't have problems with #2 if you ttc in your early 40s. That's just the odds. But I wouldn't wait, either, unless there are really pressing factors that you haven't posted.

IME, we got pg almost immediately both times, and that was at 37 (nearly 38) and 41.

[MamaMolly]

THANK YOU all for responses. I have talked to DH about this but he says he doesn't want to be rushed/pressured, so I am trying to explain the issues at hand without pressuring but not sure how. The last time we talked about it a few weeks ago he said he'd be up for discussing a timeline in a few months, but I am trying to explain at my age every month counts, especially when my cycle is beginning to get funky (which could also be due to DD weaning).

Would he be more open to hearing it (getting it, I mean!) if it came from a doctor? You might try to schedule an appointment with your OB 'just to get everything checked out' and see what s/he has to say. What with your cycle getting funky and all.

I'm just speaking from experience, my DH has an easier time listening to an 'expert' than me. So sometimes I have to make that happen for him IYKWIM.

[09Mom]

Would he be more open to hearing it (getting it, I mean!) if it came from a doctor? You might try to schedule an appointment with your OB 'just to get everything checked out' and see what s/he has to say. What with your cycle getting funky and all.

I'm just speaking from experience, my DH has an easier time listening to an 'expert' than me. So sometimes I have to make that happen for him IYKWIM.

I actually have an appointment today for a check up and to talk to doctor about a <28 day cycle. Asked last night if he'd like to go to doctor with me and he said he'll talk to the doctor when he's ready. I tried to explain again that I am not trying to pressure to have a kid right now, but if we don't have a plan right now we would need to start brainstorming alternatives like freezing eggs, discussing adoption, etc. His reply is you are fine, you're only 39. He says he does want another one, but just not ready yet.

[sste]

No BTDT but did want to share a family experience that has influenced me - - certainly this person has had worse luck than the statistical average for age but since she is close to us it is highly salient to me . . . and I don't think her situation is that uncommon.

SIL is 42 y/o and has been ttc for a year. She is actually able to get pregnant but has had three miscarriages/termination in fourteen months. This includes a harrowing termination at almost 6 months when they found out the baby had a fatal, incompatible with life birth defect due to genetic mutation. She had to make the decision whether to carry to term and risk her own fertility or terminate (I don't know all the details but high likelihood the baby would die in utero, she was of course only getting older, and there was some risk to her tubes? something else?).

She has since gotten pregnant and miscarried at under 8 weeks twice.

So, not only are there difficulties with ttc/fertility, the genetic material has a much higher likelihood of having mutations or issues. I believe some of the recent autism research is uncovering linkages between parent age - - I think particularly the dad- - and autism rates.

Have your dh read this thread.

ETA: Don't freeze eggs at your age unless they are willing to test for DS and other mutations prior to freezing and you can afford that. Or unless you are OK with parenting a child with DS/other genetic issues. SIL also did this and I was chatting with my (excellent) OB about it and her view is that the egg transfer to viable pregnancy rate is low to begin with and if you have harvested a bunch of - - no offense here - - older, lower quality eggs then it is a risky proposition.

[rgors]

I skimmed the thread and read your subsequent posts too. As well as everyone else, I say don't wait, but I think you know where you stand on that.

For DH, do you have any friends with fertility issues? Real-life stories from people he knows does a lot more to convince my DH of these types of things. It is hard to combat the media stories of women having babies into 50s and even 60s. What would be so hard about the 40s, right? Make sure he hears lots of "hard to TTC #2" stories AND he knows much infertility really costs in $$$ (never mind your sanity and potential marriage issues), and that he sees a chart of decreasing fertility in women after 40. Men are very visual.

It's fine if you two agree to not start yet, BUT it's not fine if he refuses to even discuss it and understand the risk incurred by waiting.

[MoJo]

For DH, do you have any friends with fertility issues? Real-life stories from people he knows does a lot more to convince my DH of these types of things.

My husband wasn't interested in talking about TTC #2. . . until his older brother & wife found out their baby girl has Down Syndrome.

Then he suddenly said, "now or never."

I think guys don't always hear/share the same kinds of stories that we do, unless it's family.

FWIW, I'm 37 and he's 41.

[rgors]

Also wanted to add -- paint a picture of your retirement age. Every year later that you have a baby now, it will directly impact retirement. Does he want to be 65 and paying college tuition? Or does he want to be 65 and traveling the world? Change the above age from 65 and scares/desires from tuition/travel to whatever works in your world. Just know -- it is FAR from an insignificant consideration.

[09Mom]

DH is about 4.5 years younger than me. We are financially secure at this point in time.

[luckytwenty]

I am not that age yet (and this is my last kid), but I will tell you what my OB told me when I went in for my routine check up when I was 35. I had two kids and wasn't sure about a third. I asked her how long I could wait, given my lack of troubles conceiving the first two, to decide about #3 without my age causing TTC problems and/or increased risk of birth defects and miscarriage. She told me that she would recommend that anyone 37 or older who was thinking about TTC should get going on it right away to minimize problems. I do have several friends who had no trouble conceiving the first child in their late 30s but who had a lot of trouble with #2. Not saying this will be the case for you, and I sure hope it isn't, but I wouldn't wait.