New mom needs encouragement...

[cakebreak]

My son is almost 12 weeks old, and I am having a tough time with naps. I understand that I need to watch for his sleep cues, and put him down at first sight. When I do that he just lays there,wiggling around, and will not fall asleep. I feel so bad leaving him there. I pick him up and rock him, but sometimes it works quickly while other times it takes forever for him to fall asleep. If it takes a long time, he can often get overtired and fussy. If I give him the pacifier when he's overtired, he almost falls asleep pretty quickly. Since he's getting older, I am often reluctant to give him the paci though. I don't want to form bad sleep habits.

I have been logging his nap times and awake times for a couple of weeks, but I still feel like there is no consistent schedule. When a pattern seems to start, it changes all up again.

Lately, naps in his cribs are anywhere from 20min - 1 hour, and he will often wake up way before his next feeding leading to longer awake times. I have been reading posts about how swaddling often helps, but right now, he is favoring one side so his head is starting to flatten. I try to balance it out by laying him on his non-favored side for naps.

I am SO confused and discouraged. It's to the point where I feel stressed out. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to be relaxed about it all and just go with the flow. There are so many things running through my head and it's making me so sad. I have always overworried, but now with my child, it's almost worse.

From his head shape, wondering if he will always depend on the paci and rocking to fall asleep, his nap lengths... I often wonder if I was ready for a child or if I am doing absolutely anything right.

If he's awake, I feel like I'm always carrying him because he doesn't seem to like his toys yet and I count the minutes until his next feeding hoping that he will take a nap.

The good news is he sleeps well at night. The past week he started sleeping consistently at 8 hours a night, giving us one night of 10 hours.

I know I sound crazy, and I probably am; but I am desperate for help and am trying to be honest with everything.

What can I do to help with naps? Should I worry so much about forming bad sleep habits -- even though I know it will be hard work in the end to break him out of it? I just need to know if someone out there have felt this way and have overcome it all.

Thanks for listening.

[boltfam]

You are doing great! You are trying all the right things to do what is best for baby! That is all anyone can ask of you and that you can ask of yourself. You sound a LOT like me. I remember going through that stage with DS, and it was difficult.

How old is your DS? I too kept a sleep log with DS, and even though I didn't see a pattern as far as exact times were concerned (ie: nap at 10 everyday), I did start to see that he would get tired after a certain amount of time. Have you read "The Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears? That book gave a lot of great ideas as far as ways to get fobaby to sleep and just gave some great info. about how babies sleep in general. Some of what was in there didn't fit in with my parenting style but I just picked the ideas I thought would work for us. Most of all, it let me know that it is OKAY to use "helps" such as the pacifier. I ended up walking around DS's room jiggling him a lot of the time and that was what worked for us. Eventually, I had to break him of that but it wasn't hard to break him of it.

You'll get through this.

Oh, coming back to post about the flat head on one side. DS had the same thing and it was a major stressor for me. Have you talked to your pedi about it? If so, what did he/she say?

[larig]

I found the Happiest Baby on the Block helpful. In it he talks about the 4 S--sucking, swinging, swaddle, shushing. These are 4 things that help a baby soothe themselves to sleep. The author's premise is that babies need 3 more months (at least) of womb-like things to help calm them.

What worked for DS for naps was the swing with white noise and paci. At night we swaddled and had a paci and used white noise (sometimes).

ETA: you're doing a great job, don't stress too much. I remember the 3 months point was hard for me. I was exhausted.

[karstmama]

see if anything at askmoxie dot org helps - try searching 'sleep regression'. there are lots of helpful posts there. here, too, of course, but i think moxie's archives are great.

[MomToOne]

Congrats on your little one. I think you are doing great! Just to address some of your concerns:

Personally I wouldn't worry about forming bad habits yet. Give him the paci, let him lie on his good side, get him sleeping and yourself eased off the stress of it and then you can deal with whatever you still may think is a concern. Like you say, they are constantly changing, so why stress about a habit that hasn't formed yet that may get broken on it's own one day anyway?

I still log my daughter's days from time to time. It gives me the illusion of control. That helps with stress. But also, as previously stated, sometimes the pattern emerges that you are not looking for. It's not what time he falls asleep but the stretches in between, ie: 3 hours since he woke up, so he's due to be getting sleepy again, or: he finished eating so he's going to fuss and then probably fall asleep after 15 minutes of that, etc.

Don't feel bad about counting down the minutes until nap time! I still do that plenty myself. It's only natural. It's so hard being a first time mom! Tiring, overwhelming emotions, hormones out of whack. Give yourself a break. Do you have any new mom friends in real life?

It's so awesome that he's sleeping at night, focus on and be grateful for that. He may always be a short napper, you will learn to adjust and deal with it, don't worry.

Hang in there and congrats again!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i too think you're doing great. my ds was similar...naps were never very long, like 30 min b4 he woke up and fussed. he didn't like to be swaddled. never really took to a paci in the crib either (or he would but then it would fall out after 30 seconds). finally when he was 2 months old we got a Nap Nanny and for the first time he napped 3 hours straight...it was amazing. now he still takes all his naps in it. i only wish i got it sooner. i guess he was having gas or heartburn or something that would wake him up during his naps..probably bc he would always go down after a nap right after a feeding (nursing made him sleepy). the Nap Nanny kept his head elevated which i guess alleviated the problem, letting him sleep on avg 2-3 hrs for naps.

that being said, i wouldn't worry too much about the randomness/duration of naps, as others say, he may just be a short napper. especially if he sleeps so long at night. trust me, it's waaaay better than having them waking up at night and taking longer naps during the day! my ds also started sleeping 10 hrs at night at 12 weeks and even with the Nap Nanny, nap time was still erratic (no set schedule) and sometimes he would just get one 2 hour nap in for the day and that is it (no other naps). but to be honest i was just grateful to get so much uninterrupted sleep at night! i am more grateful even more so nowadays (almost 6mo), after going through a few days of waking multiple times a night due to things like teething, rolling over, etc etc.

also as PP said, i wouldn't worry too much about setting bad sleep habits, esp at t his age. i occasionally give my DS a paci in the car when i know he's tired, to help him sleep. it really helps sometimes, yet my DS is in no way attached to the paci at all.

also 3 months is still pretty early to have a consistent nap schedule. only just now (5.5mo) is DS having a regular nap schedule (2 naps, one at 1030 and the next at 2pm or so) but then some days they are totally random, for whatever reason. i don't think it's that big of a deal.

[sunshine873]

It sounds like you're doing great so far, really. Everyone else has given you good advice.

If the paci is what calms him down, then go ahead and give it to him. He's young enough that he may still need it. DD needed her paci until she found her thumb...probably somewhere around 5-6 months adjusted.

[BabyBearsMom]

I have an 11 week old and totally feel your pain. She sleeps really well at night, but getting her to nap in the day time is a nightmare for me. We give her a paci and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes she naps in a swing, if that is what works. If she is sleeping in her crib, she is always swaddled because otherwise she won't sleep for more than 10 minutes. I am really not worried about creating bad habits. To me, with a baby, it is just a one day at a time kind of thing. She needs to sleep at this age, so I do what it takes to get her to sleep TODAY and I will worry about the future later. Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. My Mom told me that as long as you love your baby and your baby knows she or he is loved, then you are a great mother. My Mom is a wonderful mother, so I know her advice must be right.

[boltfam]

I have an 11 week old and totally feel your pain. She sleeps really well at night, but getting her to nap in the day time is a nightmare for me. We give her a paci and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes she naps in a swing, if that is what works. If she is sleeping in her crib, she is always swaddled because otherwise she won't sleep for more than 10 minutes. I am really not worried about creating bad habits. To me, with a baby, it is just a one day at a time kind of thing. She needs to sleep at this age, so I do what it takes to get her to sleep TODAY and I will worry about the future later. Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. My Mom told me that as long as you love your baby and your baby knows she or he is loved, then you are a great mother. My Mom is a wonderful mother, so I know her advice must be right.

That's great advice!

[tmahanes]

We were having the exact same problem... sleeping at night nap times were horrible!!! I started swaddling him again and trying to put him down every 90 minutes to 2 hours and its working awesome!! I think it is mostly the swaddling!!!!!!!!!