New mom needs encouragement...

[DietCokeLover]

I found the Happiest Baby on the Block helpful. In it he talks about the 4 S--sucking, swinging, swaddle, shushing. These are 4 things that help a baby soothe themselves to sleep. The author's premise is that babies need 3 more months (at least) of womb-like things to help calm them.

What worked for DS for naps was the swing with white noise and paci. At night we swaddled and had a paci and used white noise (sometimes).

ETA: you're doing a great job, don't stress too much. I remember the 3 months point was hard for me. I was exhausted.

I just wanted to add that I want to encourage you not to be so tough on yourself. You sound like a very loving, caring mama and you are trying all the right things. Just remember, we mamas can read all of the books and have all the info, but our babies DIDN'T read the books so they choose to do as they will sometimes! Hang in there - and congrats on the 8 hour sleeper!!!! That's awesome!

[cakebreak]

Thank you all for the advice, but mostly for the support! A million times a day I second guess myself and it's enough for me to lose my mind. I know I shouldn't compare babies, but a good friend of mine had a baby 5 months before me. Her baby is a champion sleeper. Took naps and ate consistently. Knowing that it's been so easy for her has secretly made me feel inadequate. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I did and still do sometimes. It's great to know that others have gone through this and what I'm feeling is so normal. I also read through the board after my post and saw other great moms out there experiencing the same.

I think, for now, I will swaddle as a last resort. I am still trying to work on rounding out the right side of his head. What I have started to do though is put him in his swing until he falls asleep and then moving him to his crib to position him on his tummy. And, I finally accept that the pacifier is my friend. I never not wanted to use it. I just didn't want him to rely on it to sleep. Luckily, my mom will be in town tomorrow to help me out. I find that all grandmothers are the true baby whisperers!!

Again, I am so thankful for all of your words of encouragement. I was pretty much in tears yesterday, and it felt really good to wake up to these posts.

Much love to all of you!

[Katigre]

Your son sounds 100% normal

My son is almost 12 weeks old, and I am having a tough time with naps. I understand that I need to watch for his sleep cues, and put him down at first sight. When I do that he just lays there,wiggling around, and will not fall asleep. I feel so bad leaving him there. I pick him up and rock him, but sometimes it works quickly while other times it takes forever for him to fall asleep. If it takes a long time, he can often get overtired and fussy. If I give him the pacifier when he's overtired, he almost falls asleep pretty quickly. Since he's getting older, I am often reluctant to give him the paci though. I don't want to form bad sleep habits.

I don't think you need to worry about that - I held my babies for naps when they were younger, I nursed them to sleep, I basically did every 'bad sleep habit' and I am glad I did . I personally think that it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep - what a wonderful, cuddly time of bonding between you that is gone all too soon. Neither of my kids will fall asleep that way now although they did when they were babies and I miss it sometimes! A pacifier (or nursing to sleep) is 100% normal because babies are designed to be soothed by suckling on something. It's natural and normal - not something to worry about. They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.

I think the expectation of a baby falling asleep like an adult are a source of a lot of stress for new moms so just reframe your perspective and a lot of the sleep stress diminishes (at least it did for me). And as they got older they mature into different methods of falling asleep, and you don't have to force a 12 week old into the mold of a 2 year old.

I have been logging his nap times and awake times for a couple of weeks, but I still feel like there is no consistent schedule. When a pattern seems to start, it changes all up again.

Between 3-4 months of age you will start to see a pattern emerge (though I did not find that it was according to the clock, but rather according to the time they woke up and last ate). Don't stress about not seeing a pattern now - just try to go with the flow and watch his cues.

Lately, naps in his cribs are anywhere from 20min - 1 hour, and he will often wake up way before his next feeding leading to longer awake times. I have been reading posts about how swaddling often helps, but right now, he is favoring one side so his head is starting to flatten. I try to balance it out by laying him on his non-favored side for naps.

If you hold him for some naps you can ensure that he lays on the opposite side so his head won't get flat. That is one advantage to holding a baby during their naps - they don't get flat heads.

I am SO confused and discouraged. It's to the point where I feel stressed out. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to be relaxed about it all and just go with the flow. There are so many things running through my head and it's making me so sad. I have always overworried, but now with my child, it's almost worse.

It does sound like overworrying. One thing that helps me when I'm overworrying is to read books and listen to music that encourage me to destress and relax, that encourage me in my intuition instead of 'doing things the right way'. What are you surrounding yourself with advice-wise and input-wise? That will affect your mood and perspective.

If he's awake, I feel like I'm always carrying him because he doesn't seem to like his toys yet and I count the minutes until his next feeding hoping that he will take a nap.

This is absolutely what your baby needs - toy companies advertise to parents that their babies need 'developmental toys to interact with' for proper development - but that's not true. Babies need PEOPLE to interact with. They need to be held a lot, they need to be talked to and carried around. You are doing exactly what your DS needs to thrive - all too soon your DS will become mobile and you won't be holding him as much b/c he'll be exploring. The holding you're doing now will pay large dividends in the future as it strengthens your bond and is essential for good development (there are numerous studies that show the positive effects of babies being held often).

Do you have a comfortable baby carrier so that you can still get things done and he can be held (and also nap ) while on you? A Moby Wrap might be a really good investment right now.

[larig]

Your son sounds 100% normal


I don't think you need to worry about that - I held my babies for naps when they were younger, I nursed them to sleep, I basically did every 'bad sleep habit' and I am glad I did . I personally think that it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep - what a wonderful, cuddly time of bonding between you that is gone all too soon. Neither of my kids will fall asleep that way now although they did when they were babies and I miss it sometimes! A pacifier (or nursing to sleep) is 100% normal because babies are designed to be soothed by suckling on something. It's natural and normal - not something to worry about. They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.

I think the expectation of a baby falling asleep like an adult are a source of a lot of stress for new moms so just reframe your perspective and a lot of the sleep stress diminishes (at least it did for me). And as they got older they mature into different methods of falling asleep, and you don't have to force a 12 week old into the mold of a 2 year old.


Between 3-4 months of age you will start to see a pattern emerge (though I did not find that it was according to the clock, but rather according to the time they woke up and last ate). Don't stress about not seeing a pattern now - just try to go with the flow and watch his cues.


If you hold him for some naps you can ensure that he lays on the opposite side so his head won't get flat. That is one advantage to holding a baby during their naps - they don't get flat heads.


It does sound like overworrying. One thing that helps me when I'm overworrying is to read books and listen to music that encourage me to destress and relax, that encourage me in my intuition instead of 'doing things the right way'. What are you surrounding yourself with advice-wise and input-wise? That will affect your mood and perspective.


This is absolutely what your baby needs - toy companies advertise to parents that their babies need 'developmental toys to interact with' for proper development - but that's not true. Babies need PEOPLE to interact with. They need to be held a lot, they need to be talked to and carried around. You are doing exactly what your DS needs to thrive - all too soon your DS will become mobile and you won't be holding him as much b/c he'll be exploring. The holding you're doing now will pay large dividends in the future as it strengthens your bond and is essential for good development (there are numerous studies that show the positive effects of babies being held often).

Do you have a comfortable baby carrier so that you can still get things done and he can be held (and also nap ) while on you? A Moby Wrap might be a really good investment right now.

I totally agree with this!!

One of the most enjoyable things about my time with DS when he was young was holding him during his naps (when he didn't sleep in the swing ;-) ). So the house didn't get cleaned, big deal. I just sat, held him and surfed the internet while he snoozed. I loved hearing his breathing and feeling him close.

We tried to survive without the paci, but after like 5 nights of no sleep, we finally tried it. DS slept, and we never looked back. The happiest baby on the block really made me feel less guilty about using the pacifier--here is a doctor who pretty much said that little ones NEED to suck to soothe. Unless you're co-sleeping and breastfeeding it's hard for them to get that suck-soothing that they need when they are going to sleep. Here's a link to the book, but I pretty much summed it up (I noticed that the kindle version is only $5.50).
http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-.../dp/0553381466

DS gave up the paci a long time ago (he's just 2 now), and it wasn't that big of a deal when we gave it up (at about 15 months).

[cakebreak]

They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.

What you said about not borrowing trouble's today is so true. I have always done that, pre- and post-child. It's clearly not healthy for me!

I definitely think I need to be more forgiving to myself. That holding my baby is OK. That I'm doing the best that I can for my sweet boy.

[boltfam]

I am still trying to work on rounding out the right side of his head. What I have started to do though is put him in his swing until he falls asleep and then moving him to his crib to position him on his tummy.

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today! Seriously...you are doing a great job! As Katigre (I think) said, holding your baby while he sleeps will also help to keep him off the flatter side of his head. A wrap or baby carrier would be a great investment, too, and he could take a nap in there while you get some things done (if you want to).

I don't want to overwhelm you, but my son ended up with plagiocephaly, so sirens go off in my head when I hear about a flat head on one side. Is your pediatrician monitoring it? My pedi caught it and kept an eye on it, but we ended up having to do physical therapy to loosen his neck muscles on one of the sides. He didn't end up *needing* the helmet, but the flat head thing was a major stressor for me and repositioning didn't do enough for us. You sound very "on top" of things, but I just wanted to check with you. Of course, you get through it and take it one day at a time, but I don't want you to have to go through what we did.

[cakebreak]

I'm so glad that you're feeling better today! Seriously...you are doing a great job! As Katigre (I think) said, holding your baby while he sleeps will also help to keep him off the flatter side of his head. A wrap or baby carrier would be a great investment, too, and he could take a nap in there while you get some things done (if you want to).

I don't want to overwhelm you, but my son ended up with plagiocephaly, so sirens go off in my head when I hear about a flat head on one side. Is your pediatrician monitoring it? My pedi caught it and kept an eye on it, but we ended up having to do physical therapy to loosen his neck muscles on one of the sides. He didn't end up *needing* the helmet, but the flat head thing was a major stressor for me and repositioning didn't do enough for us. You sound very "on top" of things, but I just wanted to check with you. Of course, you get through it and take it one day at a time, but I don't want you to have to go through what we did.

Hi Boltfam -- I have a Pikkolo carrier, but I think I'm going to return it for a Beco Butterfly. I don't feel comfortable using the Pikkolo yet, and the Beco is easier with the insert. Once I get that, I'll carry the baby everywhere!

At my 2 month appt, my ped noticed that my DS favored one side; but the flatness is minimal. During the day, I have my DS sleep on his tummy so I can watch him. At night, I put him on his back. It makes me sick to my stomach that he always turns his head to the flat side at night! I used to go and reposition him, but one time I woke him up; so I decided not to do it anymore. I figured that 8 hours out of the day shouldn't do too much more damage... right? It drives me nuts though because when I swaddle him, he's better at looking to the left (non-flat side). When he's in the sleep sack, he looks to the right more. He's so hot in the swaddle though, so I worry about him overheating.

Believe me though, it's a MAJOR stressor for me. My gf's DS has to wear a helmet because he had flattening one side. My insurance is not very good, so I had to pay a whole lot more for my son after the delivery than anticipated, so I am hoping to avoid a helmet fee!

I hope my ped was right in telling me that it won't be an issue. I actually did a search on the board about it, and it sounds like many peds kind of brush it off...

[karstmama]

if you always lay him in the crib with his head one way & his feet the other, try switching which way you lay him every other night or so. he might be turning his head to turn toward or away from light or sounds or something, so that might help him turn his head to the other side. then again, it might not! just a thought. you're doing great.

[cakebreak]

Thanks, Karstmama for the tips! I'll give it a try! I also bought a mirror to attach to his crib. I'm hoping that will help, too!

You are all so awesome!

[boltfam]

Hi Boltfam -- I have a Pikkolo carrier, but I think I'm going to return it for a Beco Butterfly. I don't feel comfortable using the Pikkolo yet, and the Beco is easier with the insert. Once I get that, I'll carry the baby everywhere!

At my 2 month appt, my ped noticed that my DS favored one side; but the flatness is minimal. During the day, I have my DS sleep on his tummy so I can watch him. At night, I put him on his back. It makes me sick to my stomach that he always turns his head to the flat side at night! I used to go and reposition him, but one time I woke him up; so I decided not to do it anymore. I figured that 8 hours out of the day shouldn't do too much more damage... right? It drives me nuts though because when I swaddle him, he's better at looking to the left (non-flat side). When he's in the sleep sack, he looks to the right more. He's so hot in the swaddle though, so I worry about him overheating.

Believe me though, it's a MAJOR stressor for me. My gf's DS has to wear a helmet because he had flattening one side. My insurance is not very good, so I had to pay a whole lot more for my son after the delivery than anticipated, so I am hoping to avoid a helmet fee!

I hope my ped was right in telling me that it won't be an issue. I actually did a search on the board about it, and it sounds like many peds kind of brush it off...

Yeah, it will help to have a carrier you like to wear. With DS, I had a bjorn and HATED it so rarely used it. A Beco will be great!

My pedi noticed DS's flat spot at his 2 mo., too, and told me ways to reposition him and keep him off his back. When we saw another pedi in the office, she showed me some neck stretches to loosen his muscles since tightness in the neck (torticollis) is often what causes babies to favor one side. I would definately ask your ped about a physical therapy evaluation, if you don't seem to be seeing improvements in DS. I find that no one cares about your child quite like you do. We ended up doing 6 weeks of PT, got discharged, and I noticed DS still favoring one side. So, I asked to go back; and then I saw great improvements after that round. The physical therapist was awesome the second time around and forced me to get involved so that I knew what to do at home.

I'm usually pretty laid-back but I found I really had to advocate to get the amount of care I think he needed. Many people said, "So his head will be a little flat. A lot of kids his age are going to have the same thing. It's not a big deal." Well, it was a big deal to me. He still has some flattening but hardly noticeable at all.

If you did a search, you probably already got some more tips. Here are some things that helped us, though. Putting him on his tummy propped up on a boppy to play or laying him across your legs while he plays. DS hated tummy time but he lasted a lot longer if he wasn't flat on the floor. As he is able to sit up some, you could try him in a Bumbo seat.The exercises we got at PT helped the most, though, since DS had torticollis.

You're probably right that if it's only 8 hours of the day DS is laying on the flatter side, it's not a big deal but if your DS looks to the left swaddled, I would try to keep him swaddled. If you have a/c, maybe you can turn it down or dress him cooler (like in a onesie). I don't know if you've hear of the aden and ainas blankets but they're made of muslin and are really lightweight and big, so DS might stay cooler in those. A lot of people on this board use them and LOVE them for swaddling.

Again, I don't want to overwhelm you. I can tell you are very conscientious and are doing a great job as a mom! I also know how stressful it can be to deal with this, especially if you're a worrier like me. Hopefully this was a help. Good luck!