Your son sounds 100% normal
I don't think you need to worry about that - I held my babies for naps when they were younger, I nursed them to sleep, I basically did every 'bad sleep habit' and I am glad I did
. I personally think that it's lovely to rock a baby to sleep - what a wonderful, cuddly time of bonding between you that is gone all too soon. Neither of my kids will fall asleep that way now although they did when they were babies and I miss it sometimes! A pacifier (or nursing to sleep) is 100% normal because babies are designed to be soothed by suckling on something. It's natural and normal - not something to worry about. They will outgrow it when they are toddlers and you don't need to borrow tomorrow's trouble today.
I think the expectation of a baby falling asleep like an adult are a source of a lot of stress for new moms so just reframe your perspective and a lot of the sleep stress diminishes (at least it did for me). And as they got older they mature into different methods of falling asleep, and you don't have to force a 12 week old into the mold of a 2 year old.
Between 3-4 months of age you will start to see a pattern emerge (though I did not find that it was according to the clock, but rather according to the time they woke up and last ate). Don't stress about not seeing a pattern now - just try to go with the flow and watch his cues.
If you hold him for some naps you can ensure that he lays on the opposite side so his head won't get flat. That is one advantage to holding a baby during their naps - they don't get flat heads.
It does sound like overworrying. One thing that helps me when I'm overworrying is to read books and listen to music that encourage me to destress and relax, that encourage me in my intuition instead of 'doing things the right way'. What are you surrounding yourself with advice-wise and input-wise? That will affect your mood and perspective.
This is absolutely what your baby needs - toy companies advertise to parents that their babies need 'developmental toys to interact with' for proper development - but that's not true. Babies need PEOPLE to interact with. They need to be held a lot, they need to be talked to and carried around. You are doing exactly what your DS needs to thrive - all too soon your DS will become mobile and you won't be holding him as much b/c he'll be exploring. The holding you're doing now will pay large dividends in the future as it strengthens your bond and is essential for good development (there are numerous studies that show the positive effects of babies being held often).
Do you have a comfortable baby carrier so that you can still get things done and he can be held (and also nap
) while on you? A Moby Wrap might be a really good investment right now.