How Much Do You Push?

[Raidra]

Pretty much all of Colwyn and Lachlann's friends are in our homeschool group. We were very active in the fall and winter, but things really dropped off in the spring. People we were seeing once or twice a week, we haven't seen in months. One friend who I talked to at least once a week on the phone for up to two hours at a time stopped calling. I'm getting really paranoid that it's something I did, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it might have been.

Now my boys are really missing their friends. I sent the aforementioned friend an email a few weeks ago and she gave me a call so we chatted for a while, then they came over for a group playdate the week after. I called her last week and left a message asking her to call so we could set up a playdate. I called another friend the next day and she said she'd give me a call or send an email to set up a playdate (they were heading out the door). Another friend, I sent an email to a few weeks ago about a non-kid topic. I haven't heard back from any of them.

So, would you call or email again? I don't want to be pushy or look desperate, but Colwyn ended up in tears the other day when a little boy he was playing with at the playground had to go home. I don't care if these people don't like me and don't want to talk, but I'm upset and sad for my children. The one boy we see regularly will be going to school in the fall, and it's always his nanny that brings him, so I don't even know his parents at all to continue their friendship once he's not homeschooled.

[Meatball Mommie]

I sent the aforementioned friend an email a few weeks ago and she gave me a call so we chatted for a while, then they came over for a group playdate the week after. I called her last week and left a message asking her to call so we could set up a playdate. I called another friend the next day and she said she'd give me a call or send an email to set up a playdate (they were heading out the door). Another friend, I sent an email to a few weeks ago about a non-kid topic. I haven't heard back from any of them.

So, would you call or email again?

Initially when I read your post, I was thinking "how rude!" of those people, but then I remembered that it was a holiday weekend, so I'd give all 3 of the people some slack and just email or call again. Personally, I don't see a problem doing that and it doesn't seem desperate to me. Sometimes, esp. around a holiday, people are forgetful so they might appreciate a call. It's so easy to let time slip by and before you know it, it's been a week!

I feel bad for your kiddos - I've heard the same complaint from my eldest. He's more social than DS2 and always wants to be around other kids. Too bad I live on the South Shore - we have boys the same ages!

[hillview]

I think I would keep trying and also know that this time of year lots of people go away or have other activities that keep them busy. I wouldn't take it personally. We have similar issue here -- everyone but us seems to have a lake house etc so weekends and friday nights are QUIET.
/hillary

[♥ms.pacman♥]

I think I would keep trying and also know that this time of year lots of people go away or have other activities that keep them busy. I wouldn't take it personally. We have similar issue here -- everyone but us seems to have a lake house etc so weekends and friday nights are QUIET.
/hillary

i agree, i wouldn't take it personally and would keep trying. this past week was insanely busy for us as we had to travel 6+ hrs out of town to see family and i rarely check email when i'm there. before i left i i told a friend i planned to go shopping or to the movies with her but things just got so crazy busy getting ready for our trip that i didn't get around to emailing/calling. i did plan to call when i got back but right after we spent the whole time doing errands we didn't get to do earlier because we were gone, and just trying to unpack and unwind after a long roadtrip and help my ds get back to regular routine/schedule. after having my son, i give people a ton of slack for not promptly answering emails/calls, esp during holiday weekends.

[tiapam]

I tend to agree with PPs, it's probably nothing you did or said. I also use the summer to try to catch up with people I might only see once or twice a year, even if they live locally.

[icunurse]

I have always believed in the two call rule - if you don't call me back after I have called twice, the ball is entirely in your court. I would probably apply that to emails, too Summer is busy for a lot of people and they just might not be checking emails as often or may have travel plans.

I hate to say it, but people and dynamics change with time. A great play buddy 6 months ago just might not be "into" play groups or playing with your child *right now*. Sorry, but it is true. We have experienced it both ways here and it isn't a snub or rude, just a child growing up and having some preferences on who to play with and when. Sometimes I might overrule my DS's preference, though, especially for some Mommy chat time .

[swissair81]