baby shower blues

[brgnmom]

I'm expecting my second child (DD) this fall (late October-November) after giving birth to my DS four years ago, and while I don't expect a baby shower/sprinkle, I guess I can't help but feel a little sad that some of my cousins haven't offered. (Last year, my cousins gave each other baby sprinkles for their second children). One cousin who lives about twenty minutes away hasn't even visited us IRL even though we moved here in June. She asked me via email whether I'm expecting a girl/boy, and after I responded, I didn't hear from her which I thought was odd -- especially considering she has two young kids of her own (both boys) and we were close growing up.

I also feel bad for my sister who is expecting her first baby, and my mom is wondering about the etiquette of letting others in our extended family know. My mom is (overly) generous IMHO and has shelled out >$200 in cash for my cousins' baby shower gifts and baby sprinkle gifts alone, so I'm a bit surprised by the cold shoulder from our extended family in CA.

I'd love to throw a baby shower for my sister, but I'm a little worried about the logistics and etiquette about that (she is due with her first baby about two months after DC2 will be born). I'd really appreciate your advice and any words of wisdom. Thank you.

p.s. to add further context, my cousins didn't attend my baby shower for my DS, because it was on the east coast and my close childhood friend hosted it.

[lizzywednesday]

Strictly speaking, a sister isn't supposed to throw a shower for a sister ... BUT sometimes you're the only one who's organized enough to do it! (This was me for my younger sister because I really couldn't count on her friends to do it. I hit my worst morning sickness during the later planning phase.)

However, since you have a LO due so close to the time your sister's shower would be held, you're going to have to think about what you can handle yourself!

Lastly, I'm sorry you feel shafted about the possibility of a "sprinkle" thrown by your cousins who don't seem to be acknowledging your happy news with the same enthusiasm. That stinks.

[tmahanes]

I think it is not a big deal.... but my mom does not like it when family throws the shower. Do you have a mutual friend that could "help" you throw it and then it doesn't look like it is all from you??

Or she could be like this "acquaintance" from high school that is on my facebook. I did not know her well at all and definitely have not seen/talked to her since high school. She added me on Facebook awhile ago and yesterday I got a message (with a ton of other recipients) that said "send me your address so I can send you an invitation to my baby shower" Her posts on her wall were complaining that you could only send a message to 20 people at a time..... And it appears that she is THROWING HER OWN baby shower!!!! I cannot even imagine!

[sariana]

Is it possible they're planning to surprise you?

I've never understood why immediate family isn't supposed to throw a shower. Sometimes family is the only option.

[lizzywednesday]

...

I've never understood why immediate family isn't supposed to throw a shower. Sometimes family is the only option.

Etiquette mavens will tell you that 1st-degree family (mom, sister, MIL, etc.) throwing a shower looks like a gift grab.

I'm inclined to agree that sometimes family is the only option!!!

[luckytwenty]

I just had a TINY shower when pregnant with my second (and it wasn't even friends or family but the other parents with kids in the same speech therapy program as my oldest!!) but the gifts came piling in after she was born. I think that often happens if there's not a huge age difference between your children.

[brgnmom]

Etiquette mavens will tell you that 1st-degree family (mom, sister, MIL, etc.) throwing a shower looks like a gift grab.

I'm inclined to agree that sometimes family is the only option!!!

my sister and her DH are both attorneys and gifts would be optional for the guests. I was her maid of honor for her wedding and at the time, she didn't want a bridal shower, and so I'd love to host a baby shower for her. She is about a 6-hour-drive away, and I'm not quite sure what the temperament of my DC2 will be about a month old for a potentially ideal baby shower time during the winter.

[sste]

Why don't you co-host your sister's shower with one of the cousins? That way all the work won't be on you so soon post-partum.

As for your situation, I would be a little hurt too given the context that the sprinkle is the norm among your extended family. I am not that sprinkle/shower oriented but I personally think a no-gift girls night our or spa/pedicure/whatever outing would be really nice. Or a low-key decorate onesies for the new baby party or something along those lines. Can your sister organize something like that for you? I am another one that thinks family makes too much sense for shower/sprinkle/outing throwing to pass them by based on outdated rules of etiquette.

[wendibird22]

I didn't have a shower for my second. It's not common around here...at least not in my social circle. We did receive a ton of baby gifts and big sister gifts though from family, friends, and coworkers.

My first shower was thrown my my mom and MIL. I don't have a sister or female cousins and SIL is out of state and single, so the mom's did it. Again, around here, that isn't all that uncommon.

[brgnmom]

Why don't you co-host your sister's shower with one of the cousins? That way all the work won't be on you so soon post-partum.

As for your situation, I would be a little hurt too given the context that the sprinkle is the norm among your extended family. I am not that sprinkle/shower oriented but I personally think a no-gift girls night our or spa/pedicure/whatever outing would be really nice. Or a low-key decorate onesies for the new baby party or something along those lines. Can your sister organize something like that for you? I am another one that thinks family makes too much sense for shower/sprinkle/outing throwing to pass them by based on outdated rules of etiquette.

those are great suggestions. Thank you sste and to PPs. I would ask my cousin nearby possibly to help, but she hasn't actually made the effort to visit us IRL and we live 20 minutes away. The last time I saw her in person was at my sister's wedding!

I think because the baby sprinkle trend has become a norm among my mom's side of the family (she has four siblings in CA), I am pretty hurt by the lack of enthusiasm by my cousins to arrange something for my sister or me. my sister and I attended (most of) their celebrations, and last year, when I couldn't attend one of the sprinkles, I visited a month later from the east coast and gave a gift.