Update in OP- does this sound better? -Does this sound critical or defensive?

[gatorsmom]

I think you did the right thing, and that email was a model of tact. Way to help someone - and maybe the kids, too.

(Tho' your description of pick up sounds like a nightmare. This really sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.)

Ivy, thank you for your opinion. I really want to help her. I think another poster nailed it when she said that the Director is just overwhelmed and snippy. She certainly seemed that way when I picked up the boys. I hope she takes me up on the offer to help. Pick-up right now is absolutely chaotic with no one making sure the right children go to the right place. It really is a disaster waiting to happen!

[WatchingThemGrow]

Revision approved! What did the trick? prayer, wine or time?

[DietCokeLover]

I think it's very well written.

[maylips]

Great job! I've followed this post somewhat because our church experienced the same thing - a children's director who took any suggestion as personal criticism of her work. I think you wrote a well-worded response to what initially was a very hot button for you.

When VBS is over, though, I would go back and again offer my services and copy any correspondence to her superior. I know the church would want to know if she was running off other parents because of her initial defenses going up when concerns are raised. That's what that job is all about and she needs to be professional enough to handle it.

[DrSally]

I missed this the first time around. I'm glad you sat on it and rewrote your note. The 2nd comes across as more problem solving and I don't hear the anger there that is in the first (that is justifyable).

FWIW, the VBS we went to (not our church) ran things in a similar way--you had to enter the huge auditorium and find your own group (although there was a stage/podium). I thought it was a bit overwhelming for an entry/beginning, but I was there to lead DS to his group. Also, it was a *total* free for all at pick up time. I get uptight about picking DS up on time since he's already working on adjusting to new situations (and doing great with his camps this summer). So, I was the first one there everytime, and sat in back (they gathered in the auditorium at the end as well), and waited for the program to finish. That was my solution. I didn't have any relationships or standing in that church, so I didn't mention anything about their drop off/pick up policy, although I thought it was naive.

The other VBS we went to (yes, we went to 2!), is where DD was baptized, but we don't attend that church either. My problem with them was their total lack of a peanut policy. I interviewed them for preschool and just immediately crossed them off the list b/c they had no such policy and were clueless about working with me on ensuring DS had a safe/good experience (e.g., letting me know when there would be cake, so I could bring our own, having a proceedure for checking ingred labels, etc.). I thought they were so behind the times, but sent him there for VBS b/c I was going to be onsite with DD in class as well. That way, I could personally check in with the teachers each day on snack. They did serve unsafe snacks one day. I filled out in their feedback form that they should consider going peanut free for safety reasons. That's as far as I went, b/c I don't have any relationships or standing at this church either. Oh, and they also didn't have the entrances secured during preschool, and the director acted clueless when I brought it up.

What I'm trying to say, is that I admire your taking an active role in getting this problem fixed. I have to say, I'm much more lazy, and just decide whether it's a risk I can tolerate or something I can personally work around. But, I understand your desire to address this directly, b/c this is *your* church, and you want your kids to have a lot of experiences there.