cosleeping mamas - when and how did you tranfer your child to his/her own bed?

[marit]

My DD is 12 months old and is cosleeping with us. It's our first experience with cosleeping, both my older kids slept in their own bed. I am still nursing her during the night (needless to say, my other two did not nurse at night at this age). I did nurse them until 2 years and I plan to do at least that with this baby.

To be honest I absolutely love sleeping with her right now and even don't mind the night feeding that much (we go back to sleep pretty quickly). The only thing that rains on my parade is the fear of how/when she will transfer to her own bed.

I do want her to transfer at some point, I don't want to be sleeping with a kindergartener... And of course, nursing at night does need to stop at some point too.

So how do you do it? First wean off night feeding but keep in my bed? do all together? I feel I need a plan ready for whenever I choose to do it.

Thanks!

[JBaxter]

about a year old for the majority of the nights

[Katigre]

Here is our personal experience.

DS coslept from birth and starting when he was 18 months I wanted to work on partial transitioning to his own sleeping space - I was worried about being stuck cosleeping long-term so we would start him out in a side-carred crib (with all sides up) at night and when he'd wake up in the middle of the night to nurse I'd bring him over to my side of the bed and would cosleep the rest of the night. We nightweaned between 18-24 months (it was a gradual process), though he would still nurse in the early morning hours (5am) and then fall back asleep until 7am-ish which was nice.

When he was 2 years old we moved the crib into his own bedroom and transitioned him to sleeping in there at night. He fell asleep in there fine but would wake up every.single.night at midnight-1am crying with a nightmare, or having to go potty. One of us would get up and take him potty or resettle him after he woke up crying from fear. Often we'd just call for him to come to our bed so we didn't have to wake up (so much easier that way - and we were all comfortable cosleeping).

I was pg with DD at that point and we were committed to having him in his own room b/c we knew we'd cosleep with DD as a baby and I didn't want two kids in the bed. We started putting him back to sleep in his own room too. Once DD was born (DS was about to turn 3) we split bedtime - I'd do DD and DH would do DS or vice versa. Bedtime required two of us most of the time but it worked fine. DS was still waking up every.single.night at midnight/1am with nightmares or having to pee and DH would usually get up with him to help and then we'd have him sleep at the foot of the bed.

When DS was 3.5 and DD was 6 months old our schedules changed and I suddenly had to do the bedtime for both kids alone. I decided to try putting both kids to sleep in our room instead of splitting between the two bedrooms.

WOW - so much easier. DS fell right asleep, DD fell asleep easily, and all I had to do was lay there with them. We had DS sleep at the foot of the bed and DD up next to me (it's not safe having a sibling cosleep next to a baby and with a Queen we didn't have room for us all to sleep in a row DS-DH-Me-DD). The very first night DS slept in our room he didn't wake up with nightmares. This continued and has been true ever since (it's been a year since he's been back in our room and the nightmares have disappeared! It was a dramatic, overnight change).

We have an IKEA crib side-carred to the bed with the side off that he sleeps in each night and DD sleeps next to me in bed. I put them both to bed at the same time and it works great. DS would love to sleep next to us in bed still - he's a huge cuddler - but he's ok with being in the same room and it really has alleviated his nighttime fears. DH and I love that we no longer have to wake up with either child at night - DS sleeps through as does DD (she nurses a few times in her sleep but I have no idea how often or when b/c I latch her on in my sleep too). I'm not sure when we'll nightwean b/c I would have to be awake for that to happen and I love having a full night's sleep.

All that to say...I have no problem with an older child sleeping in my room. I've seen how beneficial it's been for our family both in terms of simplifying bedtime, alleviating nightwakings, and solving the nightmare/fear problem DS was dealing with.

Eventually we'll transition both kids to the 'kids' bedroom' (which does have bunk beds) at the same time - probably in a year or two. I think by the time DD is 3 and DS is 6 they'll be in the other room but maybe it will be sooner than that.

Now that I know we can transition our kids whenever we decide it's time (since we did that with DS as a young toddler), I'm not in a rush and don't feel the pressure to do so again. At this point cosleeping is a lifestyle choice for our family, not something we're forced to do - and that mindset makes all the difference. DH and I honestly prefer it to having the kids sleep in a separate room - if I get nervous about whether they're ok or not all I have to do is reach out a hand and I can feel their breathing and see they're safe.

Plus, since they're both asleep in the same place it makes having couple time easier in the rest of the house.

[goldenpig]

DD coslept with us the whole night until she was a little over 1 year old...maybe 14 months? I was still nursing her at night (she would wake up 3-4x/night) because she had slow growth and was a poor eater due to silent reflux so I was afraid to night wean her. Transitioning her was a very gradual process over many months. First I would do the bedtime routine--bath, book, then nurse her at night in the rocking chair in her nursery, then put her to bed in her crib in her room. She also would take naps in the crib. At the first awakening (usually around 11 or 12) when she would cry I would bring her to our room, she would nurse and then cosleep with us the rest of the night. Later I started returning her to her crib after nursing her, and then letting her come to our bed when she woke up at 5:30-6 so we could try to get a little more sleep.

Night weaning was tough and took a while! I started the night weaning process around 18 months and that took two or three months...I would still go to her room and hold her if she cried, but gradually cut out the middle of the night feeds. By then she could understand when I told her "no nursing until morning", and I also got a toddler clock that turns from blue to yellow in the AM. After she was night weaned, she would still wake up once or twice at night and I would go to her briefly to reassure her. She didn't start sleeping through the night most nights until after she turned two. She started sleeping in a twin bed at 2 1/2. And now that she turned 3, I think she may be weaned (she hasn't asked to nurse for a week or two now and before that I was only letting her nurse for a few seconds, just for comfort).

We still cosleep whenever we travel. We bought her an inflatable toddler bed that we have been trying to get her to use when we travel, but sometimes all four of us end up in bed together. Now the baby is cosleeping with us (we have an Arm's Reach cosleeper but he usually ends up in our bed) and we're starting the process all over again! I would like to transition DS to the crib at some point so they can share a room, but he's still waking up a lot at night--he has silent reflux too , so I have to wait a little longer until he's sleeping better.

It is nice/snuggly to cosleep, as long as everyone can still get good sleep (when they start kicking and thrashing and sleeping horizontally it isn't so great, or when you have to lie down with them to get them to sleep, or when they fall out of your bed). It's probably a lot faster to do the cry-it-out, but it didn't seem to work for us (she was so stubborn and would cry for hours and throw up) so we had to do the gentler, slower method and we got there eventually.

[brittone2]

DS1 was just over 3 and DD was right around 3. I thought she might move sooner, but she wasn't ready. I originally wanted to have ds1 move before DD was born, but that was a no go (he was not yet 3 when she was born). Once it got close to my due date, I didn't want him to feel displaced by the new baby. We upgraded to a king early in my pregnancy and that helped. He slept with us for about 2-3 months after DD was born and then transitioned to his own room. We kept the kids separated by adults in the bed (to avoid DS1 rolling onto DD when she was a newborn) . DD moved to her own room a few months before DS2 was born. DS2 is still cosleeping.

3 years is a long time, but at the same time, when it came time to switch to their own rooms, it was a fairly painless process for all of us.

[marit]

Thanks for all the answers. Let me narrow down my question then: did anyone wean off of night feedings while still in family bed? If so, how? and at what age?

Thanks!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Ds2 went to his crib at 5m but made many appearances until he was about 17m. He self weaned at 17m and wouldn't want to nurse when I offered. He would sleep with us but he had no interest in nursing. It was a very easy way to wean and I admit I was happy with the age he chose to do it. eta- the reason he stopped co-sleeping much past 17m is that after he weaned he slept better through the night.

Beth

[MommyAllison]

For DD: We co-slept full time until around her first birthday, then put a twin mattress on the floor next to our bed. I nursed her to sleep on the twin mattress, then climbed back into our bed, going back to the twin as needed to nurse during the night (and often falling asleep down there!). We moved her mattress into her room around 19 months, continuing the same routine. We stopped middle-of-the-night nursing around her second birthday, and stopped nursing to sleep at bedtime when DS was born (she was 2.5 - we did continue daytime nursing for awhile after that).

For DS: We co-slept full time until he was 10ish months, then put the crib mattress on the floor of his room and nursed to sleep there, then he came into our room in the middle of the night and spent the rest of the night with us, nursing as needed. We stopped middle-of-the-night nursing around his second birthday too, even though he still spends a lot of the night in our bed. I just told him no nursing til the sun comes up, and patted his back til he fell back asleep for a couple nights, then stopped the morning wake-up nursing. We are down to nursing in his bed at bedtime and naptime now. I was hoping he would stop coming into our bed when we night-weaned, but it hasn't happened - he likes to snuggle. And since I usually don't even wake up when he climbs into bed with us (*blush*) it's hard to put him back in his own bed every time. He is a flailing sleeper though, as well as a bed hog, and DH & I are tired of being woken up by being kicked in the face.

So yes, for us it was possible to wean night feedings while still co-sleeping with DS.

[Katigre]

Thanks for all the answers. Let me narrow down my question then: did anyone wean off of night feedings while still in family bed? If so, how? and at what age?

Thanks!

Yes I did - 18-24 months was when I did it and we just would offer a sippy of water instead and cuddle back to sleep. Here is Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan for cosleeping families: Changing the Sleep Pattern in the Family Bed.