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  1. #1
    almostmom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default Has anyone re-found their missing libido? careful, maybe TMI...

    So, my libido has been missing for a long time. And I would so love to find it, or at least believe I will someday. It was so fun when I was younger to crave sex (wasn't it?). I miss that feeling, and Gossip Girl just isn't enough, at least for DH.

    I have sex regularly with DH, like once or twice a week. And it's usually pretty good. I also have a toy or two that I use both with him and without. And that's good too. But I never actually crave or desire sex with DH. He's a super handsome great guy who I totally love, in decent shape, and otherwise our marriage and communication is great.

    I used to have a very strong libido when I was in my early 20's and younger, but it's probably been gone for ten years or something (I'm almost 37). I think sex is really important in a relationship, and DH has a high libido, so I am more than willing to make it happen. I would feel really bad emotionally if it didn't. But physically I think I'd be fine without it. I usually would rather sleep, watch tv, snuggle, read, almost anything, if given the choice. Again, once we're into it, it's almost always good. Occasionally even great. But DH wants to feel wanted more than he does - that's what he told me last night. And I know this - we've talked about it before. He knows I wish I had a bigger sex drive. He said I make him feel loved and handsome, but he wants to be wanted. This is not threatening our marriage. But I want to find those feelings again too. I can fake the desire, but I wish I didn't have to. After our conversation last night, I'll initiate more, but after a while, I know I'll forget again, and it will fall on him and he'll feel bad again.

    I had a physical in the spring, and had blood tests to see if there was anything chemical, and everything is totally normal. It's not like I can't do it, and I even have orgasms regularly both with and without him. But I just wonder if I need to be resigned to the fact that I'm older than I was, and my hormones aren't running wild anymore. I kind of wish there was a viagra for women...

    I know this probably sound more normal than a lot of parents' sex lives. But, again, the desire for it just is so rarely there it doesn't seem right to me.

    Thanks ya'll.
    Liz

    DS 11/03
    DD 12/05

  2. #2
    jse107 is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Default

    Your post describes me almost exactly, except that my libido went missing a bit earlier. I'll let you know if I find it!
    Jen
    "What we permit we promote."

  3. #3
    cono0507 is offline Platinum level (1000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by jse107 View Post
    Your post describes me almost exactly, except that my libido went missing a bit earlier. I'll let you know if I find it!
    Me too. Been gone for close to 10 years, I'd say. Still trying to figure out how to fix it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2010
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    RDU NC
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    Default

    Let me know if you find mine hiding with yours....sigh
    DS 1/10 "boo-boo"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    At least I'm not alone. I'm getting ready to talk to a doc about it too. Mine's been gone since DD was born (20 months ago.)
    Mom to DD - my thriving preemie - Jan 2009

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Florida
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    My libido come and goes. It depends on what is happeneing in my life at the time. It has been getting better as we try new things. I'm still hoping that for my birthday DH gets the trapeeze above our bed.
    Jenn
    M - my 7 yo ADHD/anxiety monkey.
    TT - my 4yo tiny terror.

    "Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!" "I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights." “No comment” is a comment."
    "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it." "Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
    - George Carlan



  7. #7
    edurnemk is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by jse107 View Post
    Your post describes me almost exactly
    I lost it when DS was born. DH also wants to feel more wanted, though he doesn't have a very high sex drive. Honestly I think I could go for months without sex. There's a million things I'd rather do. It's terrible, I know, but I don't know how to get over this and I also just had a physical and all came back normal.
    DS 1/08
    DD 7/2012

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    New York, USA.
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    6,845

    Default

    Searching high & low for mine....exercising seems to be helping some, I'm sure more sleep would help even more...
    DD1 - 1996
    DD2 - 1999
    DD3 - 2005

    Surfaces are for working, not for storing. - Peter Walsh

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    Northern VA
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    9,979

    Default

    Mine went missing too. Bad enough that we had sex maybe once every several months. It landed us in therapy, and caused huge problems between us.

    I went off chemical birth control just on a hunch, and guess what? We're like newlyweds again . That was 8 years ago, and theres no comparison with how I feel now compared to all the years I was on the pill, Norplant, Depro-provera shot, patch, IUD. Yep, I tried them all. I had no idea during that time that it was causing the death of my libido. I had other issues that bugged me that I was trying to escape. Now we use natural-family planning combined with barrier methods during any fertile days. No unplanned pregnancies so far!
    Mama to "The Fantastic Four":
    DS 02
    DD 06
    DS 09
    DD 12

  10. #10
    niccig is offline Clean Sweep forum moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyMine View Post
    My libido come and goes. It depends on what is happeneing in my life at the time. It has been getting better as we try new things. I'm still hoping that for my birthday DH gets the trapeeze above our bed.
    This is me....If I'm tired or staying up late to get things done, then it's GONE GONE GONE. I have promised DH that from tomorrow night, I'll be in bed earlier.

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