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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by almostmom View Post
    Thanks for the input. I talked to DH about the possibility of taking out the Mirena, but it's scary! I don't want to get pregnant, and was just so fertile in the past. How reliable are spermicides? Do people still use the sponge? Any idea what you'll do after this baby?


    Thanks!
    Two thoughts: first, as far as missing libidos go, I think this is pretty common. For me I know my already low libido goes completely missing when I get stressed (and who isn't stressed with a small child, a house, a job...) So I find if I can control my stress a bit then I'm at least able to think about having sex. Second, for everyone (esp OP) who mentioned the hormones in Mirena, I just got a Paragard because I absolutely could not put hormones into my body having been on the pill previously and already having problems with my libido. For me the fear of getting pregnant adds to my lack of libido so I had to find a solution that would make me comfortable that I wasn't risking getting pregnant. The paragard lacks the benefit of mirena of not having a period (in fact some women have heavier periods), but I think the benefit of knowing I have effective birth control and having a normal hormone cycle outweighs that risk for me.
    momma to DD 12/08 & DS 3/13

  2. #22
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    infomama is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Someone once told me, "sex starts in the kitchen and when he helps without being asked you will find yourself wanting to rip his clothes off." I kind of rolled my eyes *but* when DH and I started our division of labor routine I felt less overwhelmed and the resentment I felt because I felt like I was doing everything went away. He 'became' irresistible to me....just like magic. We kind of reverted to our pre-marriage days IYKWIM .
    Not sure if that 'issue' applies to your relationship but it was the key for us.

  3. #23
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    wendibird22 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    I too could have written your post. Sometimes I think it's not so much a lack of libido as a new set of priorities. I may want sex, but I also want sleep, the dishes in the sink cleaned, the carpets vacuumed, and the laundry done. And that growing to do list really puts sex further and further down. If DH makes a move while the girls nap, well, I want a shower and to get started on housework. If DH makes a move at night well I just really, really want to go to sleep cause I know I'll be up several times with DD2 (and he won't be!).

    I haven't necessarily lost my libido but I've clearly lost my spontaneity.
    Mom to two amazing DDs ('07 & '09) and a fur baby.

    Gluten free since Nov '11 after non-celiac gluten sensitive diagnosis. Have had great improvement or total elimination of: migraines, bloating/distention, heartburn, cystic acne, canker sores, bleeding gums, eczema on elbows, dry skin and scalp, muscle cramps, PMS, hair loss, heart palpitations, fatigue. I'm amazed.

  4. #24
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    "I make him feel loved and handsome, but he wants to be wanted"


    Very perceptive of you. Kudos for you for making the effort even when your not in the mood and looking for ways to improve things. Your DH is lucky.

    From a guy perspective, there are two things a man needs for contentment at a fundamental level.

    1) Respect. Men will even choose this over love.

    2) Desire as a man. Not as a husband, father, good guy, handsome guy - that's wonderful for us to know, but there is more basic/raw/fundamental man/woman attraction thing that guys really need from time to time. Difficult to keep this going in long term marriages.

  5. #25
    ray7694 is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    After two childen I asked my ob this same question. She indicated that it would help to not take birth control and also suggested a prescription cream that is topically applied. I can't remember what the cream was but maybe your doctor would know.

  6. #26
    nfowife is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    We are planning on the big V after this baby so I won't have to be on anything!
    M, mommy to A 2005, E 2007, and L 2010

  7. #27
    jgenie is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Same boat here. For me it is definitely tied to all that needs to be done to keep our lives running. The stress of two little ones and a crazy work schedule for DH makes down time a scarce commodity.

  8. #28
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    I started to feel like a teenager again when I went off the pill--making me think that it was the pill in the first place that had taken away my libido. Then the first two trimesters of pregnancy, we were HOT. Now, sex is just absurd. We still have it, but it's really really absurd.

    The way you've described yourself sounds a lot like me (when I was on the pill.) Love Dh, think he's adorable and sexy, have relatively frequent sex--but it had been ages since I'd had that "weak in the knees" feeling. And it had nothing in my case to do with how helpful or not helpful my husband was. He's always been great. I think it was literally chemical.

    I'm getting my tubes tied and won't need to be on the pill again--but there are benefits I have to weigh, like great skin, lack of PMS, light periods...not sure if giving those up is worth it for more amazing orgasms.
    Boy (4/03) -- Girl (12/05) -- Boy (11/10)

  9. #29
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    Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.
    Mama to "The Fantastic Four":
    DS 02
    DD 06
    DS 09
    DD 12

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by daisymommy View Post
    Just an FYI...when I talk about loss of libido, I don't mean having less amazing O's. I mean I did not, under any circumstance, want to have sex. Period. I would have felt like I was having sex against my own will; that's how turned off I was by the idea. That's what hormonal based bc did to me.
    In that case, I'd deal with acne and PMS--and more. That sounds awful. For me it was more like I never initiated sex because it just didn't cross my mind, but once we got going, things were fine.
    Boy (4/03) -- Girl (12/05) -- Boy (11/10)

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