Has anyone re-found their missing libido? careful, maybe TMI...

[ScorpioMommy]

Okay, I'm probably a lot younger then most of the moms on here. (I'm 21 and I have a 1 year old daughter) But I have discovered that once you become a mom, you don't see yourself as a sexual person anymore. You see yourself as well, a mom.

Maybe, part of the reason you feel that you have lost your libido is because you feel that you've lost that youthful sensual woman you were before you became a mom.

I don't think it is as physical as it is emotional, women are naturally emotional beings. If we don't feel emotionally connected to our sexuality then libido is lost. So, find ways to become more emotionally connected to sex as opposed to just physically.

[MontrealMum]

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm sure there are many moms that also have that shared woman-as-mom experience, but for many of us here it is truly a physical issue. It's kind of demeaning to be told that it's due to lack of emotional connectivity or not a physical problem. And to not get checked out by your doc - as the libido problem is part and parcel of a variety of other symtoms - can be extremly dangerous. Seriously. So, it is important it get the word out.

For many of us - here, and in the general population - it's not in our heads. It's not tied to pregnancy weight gain, or changes in our bodies during and after pregnancy, or changes in our self-image. It's not tied to the difficulties of balancing life after baby, or trying to fit in exercixe. And it's not tied to the adjustment of being 2 adults to 2 adults plus a baby (or two!). It's a genuine physical problem. And the libido is connected to a genuine, physical problem.

I believe our Yahoo group was linked upthread. But if not, pm Tiapam or me for details. There's tons of literature and science about the loss of libido in women, that's not all in your head, or linked to emotional connectivity.

[tiapam]

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm sure there are many moms that also have that shared woman-as-mom experience, but for many of us here it is truly a physical issue. It's kind of demeaning to be told that it's due to lack of emotional connectivity or not a physical problem. And to not get checked out by your doc - as the libido problem is part and parcel of a variety of other symtoms - can be extremly dangerous. Seriously. So, it is important it get the word out.

For many of us - here, and in the general population - it's not in our heads. It's not tied to pregnancy weight gain, or changes in our bodies during and after pregnancy, or changes in our self-image. It's not tied to the difficulties of balancing life after baby, or trying to fit in exercixe. And it's not tied to the adjustment of being 2 adults to 2 adults plus a baby (or two!). It's a genuine physical problem. And the libido is connected to a genuine, physical problem.

I believe our Yahoo group was linked upthread. But if not, pm Tiapam or me for details. There's tons of literature and science about the loss of libido in women, that's not all in your head, or linked to emotional connectivity.

I completely agree. If a woman physically wants to have sex she will have sex. I think the woman as mom thing is a separate issue and still should not affect one physically.

[almostmom]

Just wanted to give a quick update on my libido state! But first, thanks to all who have posted, and continue to post on this thread. It really made me feel not alone, and truly has led to some changes in my life.

So I got my Mirena removed about 4 weeks ago. It was scary to do, and remarkably easy (I can't believe that little thing kept me from getting pregnant for all this time!). It hasn't been too long, and I haven't gotten a period yet, but I do think my libido is a bit better. Although the new need for condoms is a deterrent for sure, there have been times when I've just felt a longing that I hadn't felt in a very very long time. And the sex that has come from this has been great.

At the same time, I started listening to the Savage Love podcasts (Dan Savage). DH and I used to read his column every week when we lived in San Fran. And I think that listening to that and hearing so much sex positive talk in my life (DH is listening to it too - both on our drives to work) is also helping get me excited about sex. So a combination of these two factors - no hormonal bc and a sex-positive and exciting podcast, is making me feel a bit better. Crazy raging hormones? No. But an actual true desire to have sex occasionally, and that's a step up.

I also feel less bloated, less moody without the Mirena. Who knew? I didn't. I'm going to let my system breathe a little, and then in the new year I'll try the paraguard. I'm nervous about the potential heavy periods, but it's definitely worth a try.

I so wish there was a way for me to not use any of the birth control options out there, but there's not. Condoms just aren't going to work for me for the next 7 years or so, before I'm ready for something more drastic.

But I do feel a bit better all around, and that is surely a positive.

So thank you.

[tiapam]

Just wanted to give a quick update on my libido state! But first, thanks to all who have posted, and continue to post on this thread. It really made me feel not alone, and truly has led to some changes in my life.

So I got my Mirena removed about 4 weeks ago. It was scary to do, and remarkably easy (I can't believe that little thing kept me from getting pregnant for all this time!). It hasn't been too long, and I haven't gotten a period yet, but I do think my libido is a bit better. Although the new need for condoms is a deterrent for sure, there have been times when I've just felt a longing that I hadn't felt in a very very long time. And the sex that has come from this has been great.

At the same time, I started listening to the Savage Love podcasts (Dan Savage). DH and I used to read his column every week when we lived in San Fran. And I think that listening to that and hearing so much sex positive talk in my life (DH is listening to it too - both on our drives to work) is also helping get me excited about sex. So a combination of these two factors - no hormonal bc and a sex-positive and exciting podcast, is making me feel a bit better. Crazy raging hormones? No. But an actual true desire to have sex occasionally, and that's a step up.

I also feel less bloated, less moody without the Mirena. Who knew? I didn't. I'm going to let my system breathe a little, and then in the new year I'll try the paraguard. I'm nervous about the potential heavy periods, but it's definitely worth a try.

I so wish there was a way for me to not use any of the birth control options out there, but there's not. Condoms just aren't going to work for me for the next 7 years or so, before I'm ready for something more drastic.

But I do feel a bit better all around, and that is surely a positive.

So thank you.

Yay! Hope you continue to feel better.

[MontrealMum]

So glad to read your update and hear that things are going better

[tiapam]

Just wanted to post an update. I am still on my new meds and dose. I am overdue for a thyroid blood test. But I am feeling pretty good, so I bet my TSH has come down. Libido was crazy high at first, I was actually giggling during the day for no reason! DH was a little freaked out initially but extremely pleased overall. Then it seemed to go a little flat but then rebounded again and is just about perfect right now. I expect there will be some ups and downs relative to my cycle. I cannot believe I was living like that, the difference is so profound.

I hesitate to share so much of this here, since it is such a private thing, but wanted to add a couple things that might help someone else. The way I experienced low libido (at least this last time, I have waxed and waned since my first pregnancy) I didn't even really want DH to touch me. It didn't hurt but just did not feel good to even have him touch my arm. I had to work hard not to flinch or pull away too quickly. There were a few times I did want some touch, but that was because I was sick or really upset about something, and wanted him to hold me (and a few times I *really* wanted to have sex, totally out of the blue, probably related to my cycle). So if you are experiencing that particular sort of aversion to touch, I don't know, maybe that is another sign that it *could* be your thyroid? Worth noting, I think. Also, and this is way TMI, but a friend once commented that now when she has sex (as opposed to when she was younger) she feels like she wants to take a shower soon after. I thought, hmm, I have gotten that way, too. Except, now I am not! It's like I am experiencing it as I did when I was younger! So no ick factor, for lack of a better way to describe it.

So, if it's not clear by now, I just want to say, if low libido is a problem for you or your SO, put it on the front burner *now*. DH and I were doing okay, but now things are amazing. I feel like a newlywed again and that is a nice feeling. And I am not just talking about the sex part, we had really grown apart. And all the other stuff just came back naturally with the sex.

[weech]

Just wanted to post an update. I am still on my new meds and dose. I am overdue for a thyroid blood test. But I am feeling pretty good, so I bet my TSH has come down. Libido was crazy high at first, I was actually giggling during the day for no reason! DH was a little freaked out initially but extremely pleased overall. Then it seemed to go a little flat but then rebounded again and is just about perfect right now. I expect there will be some ups and downs relative to my cycle. I cannot believe I was living like that, the difference is so profound.

I hesitate to share so much of this here, since it is such a private thing, but wanted to add a couple things that might help someone else. The way I experienced low libido (at least this last time, I have waxed and waned since my first pregnancy) I didn't even really want DH to touch me. It didn't hurt but just did not feel good to even have him touch my arm. I had to work hard not to flinch or pull away too quickly. There were a few times I did want some touch, but that was because I was sick or really upset about something, and wanted him to hold me (and a few times I *really* wanted to have sex, totally out of the blue, probably related to my cycle). So if you are experiencing that particular sort of aversion to touch, I don't know, maybe that is another sign that it *could* be your thyroid? Worth noting, I think. Also, and this is way TMI, but a friend once commented that now when she has sex (as opposed to when she was younger) she feels like she wants to take a shower soon after. I thought, hmm, I have gotten that way, too. Except, now I am not! It's like I am experiencing it as I did when I was younger! So no ick factor, for lack of a better way to describe it.

So, if it's not clear by now, I just want to say, if low libido is a problem for you or your SO, put it on the front burner *now*. DH and I were doing okay, but now things are amazing. I feel like a newlywed again and that is a nice feeling. And I am not just talking about the sex part, we had really grown apart. And all the other stuff just came back naturally with the sex.

This gives me hope. I totally have the "ick" factor thing and have an issue with not wanting to be touched a lot. It really hurts my DH's feelings Maybe it's fixable...

[hellokitty]

Searching high & low for mine....exercising seems to be helping some, I'm sure more sleep would help even more...

Mine is poor right now, BECAUSE of exercise. My DH thinks I am a freak, b/c when I exercise, my libido drops. SEriously, where do ppl get this exercise high? I feel like crap when I exercise, I'm tired, sore and grouchy. I've been working out steadily for the past three months now and my libido has been on the low again. My DH has the opposite issue, when he exercises, his libido goes UP.

[almostmom]

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm sure it will help someone else. And I am so happy to hear that your relationship has turned around so. Really wonderful.