In my capacity as Uncle EastEnder, this Xmas I have to buy stuff for my 5 month old nephew & 22 month old niece.

I have been advised to opt for either clothing or educational toys. I have chosen to ignore this advice, on the grounds of zero sadistic amusement factor.

Instead, I have decided to seek out the loudest, most annoying toys I can find, for the appropriate age groups. My siblings may prefer "educational" toys, but I tend to believe their progeny would prefer something that maximises parental annoyance (I certainly would).

Please inspire me. I want to spice up an otherwise tedious Xmas morning by generating as much mayhem as possible.