*still* pregnant

[brgnmom]

how do you respond to friends or family who are curious to know whether you've delivered your baby yet, and so far there are no concrete signs of impending labor? two of my friends who had due dates that were two weeks apart from mine have already given birth to their babies at least a week and a half ago. One of them has emailed me twice in the past week, wondering if the baby has arrived yet. I haven't written her back, b/c I'm tired of reporting the same old message, "I haven't been to L&D yet, and I don't know if I'm dilated/effaced at all b/c I don't feel the need for an internal exam unless I'm in active labor." I think I'm going to ask for an internal exam at the 39-wk appointment this week, because I'm curious whether my body has made any progress towards labor.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Don't do it! What will the numbers really tell you? What if there is no progress? Will you be super disappointed even though you know the numbers don't mean anything and you could go into labor 2 hours later? What if you are 4cm, 90%? Will you feel like a bomb waiting to go off? Will you be in a constant, "why hasn't it happened yet??" thought? Some things are better left unknown. I didn't ask for one when I had my membranes swept at 41.5w but she rattled off the numbers to me anyway- 1cm, 60%. I knew the numbers weren't important but I got sad b/c all that time and barely anything. I was in labor 3 hours later.

By the way, if you have more kids, lie about your EDD. I moved mine back 2 weeks when I told people! It bought me a ton of peace and quiet!!

GL!
Beth

[bcafe]

I am 12 days post due date. I hate hearing it too, but I just tune it out or smile. I have no idea how far dilated I am because in the end it just doesn't matter. Good luck!

[infocrazy]

FWIW, DS1 I was not dilated at 39w and change, maybe 20% effaced. The Dr said it was still going to be awhile...I went into labor that night.

DS2 I was 3 cm, 100% effaced at 37 weeks. Dr said any day now...he was three days late! DD was pretty much the same...and three days late!

It's going to happen when it happens regardless of the numbers.

[AnnieW625]

Just want to send you hugs and just do what you think is right. I had an internal exam at 37 weeks and 2 days with DD1 and nothing happened (although I delivered her 4 days later......my birth story is in one of the birth story posts in the Expecting section), with DD2 I had one at 38 weeks and 5 days and my water broke 8 hours later; DD2 was born the next day. With DD2 it honestly surprised me a bit as my dr. said I was less than 1" cm dialated. I was kind of bummed out when he told me that, but I knew that I could go another week or two if needed because I remember my mom doing just fine in 100 degree heat when my sister was 10 days late (I am 10 yrs. older than my sister).

[daisymommy]

Just remind them you are NOT at your due date yet, so no, the baby isn't here yet! I understand that babies do come early, but we have somehow gotten it into our heads that they are supposed to come at 37-38 weeks, rather than 40, which makes us and everyone else impatient and wondering why the baby isn't here yet.

[brgnmom]

Don't do it! What will the numbers really tell you? What if there is no progress? Will you be super disappointed even though you know the numbers don't mean anything and you could go into labor 2 hours later? What if you are 4cm, 90%? Will you feel like a bomb waiting to go off? Will you be in a constant, "why hasn't it happened yet??" thought? Some things are better left unknown. I didn't ask for one when I had my membranes swept at 41.5w but she rattled off the numbers to me anyway- 1cm, 60%. I knew the numbers weren't important but I got sad b/c all that time and barely anything. I was in labor 3 hours later.

By the way, if you have more kids, lie about your EDD. I moved mine back 2 weeks when I told people! It bought me a ton of peace and quiet!!

GL!
Beth

you're totally right about how the numbers don't necessarily indicate how much longer I have until labor. so nice to meet someone else whose pregnancies also lasted for 40+ weeks. my DS stayed put until 40.5 weeks, and I was turned away from l&d even though I was 3 cm dilated when I was checked at l&d the night before he was born - I was opting for an unmedicated birth, so the hospital staff encouraged me to labor at home. my OB wanted me to go back immediately though when I noticed bright red blood w/ my mucus plug. (I still ended up w/ an epi and low-level of pitocin b/c my labor was progressing slowly for the hospital staff, and my OB didn't want me to end up w/ a c-section due to failure to progress).

thank you also for the suggestion on moving up the EDD if we decide to have another child.

I am 12 days post due date. I hate hearing it too, but I just tune it out or smile. I have no idea how far dilated I am because in the end it just doesn't matter. Good luck!

bcafe, best wishes on your upcoming l&d experience & meeting your baby very soon.

FWIW, DS1 I was not dilated at 39w and change, maybe 20% effaced. The Dr said it was still going to be awhile...I went into labor that night.

DS2 I was 3 cm, 100% effaced at 37 weeks. Dr said any day now...he was three days late! DD was pretty much the same...and three days late!

It's going to happen when it happens regardless of the numbers.

thank you for sharing your stats and how they don't necessarily reflect when labor will start.

Just want to send you hugs and just do what you think is right. I had an internal exam at 37 weeks and 2 days with DD1 and nothing happened (although I delivered her 4 days later......my birth story is in one of the birth story posts in the Expecting section), with DD2 I had one at 38 weeks and 5 days and my water broke 8 hours later; DD2 was born the next day. With DD2 it honestly surprised me a bit as my dr. said I was less than 1" cm dialated. I was kind of bummed out when he told me that, but I knew that I could go another week or two if needed because I remember my mom doing just fine in 100 degree heat when my sister was 10 days late (I am 10 yrs. older than my sister).

thank you for your hugs and sharing your stories. I still haven't completely made up my mind about whether I'll be getting an internal exam this week. I'm a bit curious as to whether there's a difference at all between this pregnancy and my first w/ DS. All I'm experiencing at the moment is major pelvic pressure, and I've only had some B-H contractions but nothing resembling the real deal.

[brgnmom]

Just remind them you are NOT at your due date yet, so no, the baby isn't here yet! I understand that babies do come early, but we have somehow gotten it into our heads that they are supposed to come at 37-38 weeks, rather than 40, which makes us and everyone else impatient and wondering why the baby isn't here yet.

good point! thank you for the reminder. my friends did give birth to their babies at 37-38 weeks. one of them had a super short labor, and I'm envious b/c I know that I will probably labor for a much longer time (if it'll be anything like what happened the first time around w/ my DS). Also elective c-sections have become pretty common, and my childhood friend is getting her procedure done at 39 weeks. I'm hoping to have a natural birth, so I guess there's no knowing when the baby will be ready to be born exactly even though she's full-term.

[jammytoast]

I always shut people up with a kind of terse "Babies arrive on their own schedule, and since the baby is healthy, my doctor/midwife isn't looking to accelerate that schedule". I wouldn't get into the whole "induction can lead to complication" path unless there's someone who's truly sympathetic and interested in hearing your thoughts (which, sadly, those who agree already know the details!)

Went to 42w with both of my children, so know what you're going through! The emails/calls were bad, but the smart-allecks who look at you then say "Haven't had that baby yet?!" nearly got a foot up their backside from me. I'd get sarcastic and say 'oho, had her last week! Why, are you saying I look pregnant?"

When strangers approached me and asked, I'd just casually say "oho, sometime this month"

Hang in there!

[daisymommy]

FWIW...I walked around at 3 cm. dilated for a month, then 5 cm. dilated, 70-80% effaced, babes head close enough they could feel it, for the last month...with all 3 of my children. And the first two were born on their due date at 40 weeks, the last was born at 41 weeks. I waited until I went into labor on my own. So no, unfortunately exams won't always tell your future