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  1. #1
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Default When will it end??

    The constant tantrums, whining, screaming, and crying? Seriously, it seems like we deal with a long tantrum EVERY evening. Tonight was 2 HOURS worth of tantrums. First DD1, then DD2, then DD1 and DD2 together, then DD1 again...it's ridiculous! And last night it was DD2, for an HOUR. This is becoming pretty typical. If we happen to have a "good" evening of only a couple of short 10 minute tantrums, DH and I are ecstatic.

    Maybe I'm an awful parent and am doing something horribly wrong. I try hard to redirect when I see a tantrum coming. I try hard to reason (our girls are very verbal). I'll try for maybe 5-10 min and if it doesn't work then I just tell them they will need to finish crying in their rooms and let me know when they're done. But they tantrum for an HOUR at a time! DD1 will even yell DOOOOONE!!! DOOOOONE!!! (obviously she's not done if she's screaming at the top of her lungs). UUUUGGGGHHH!!!

    And it just makes me want to cry when I talk to other parents who talk about how relaxing their evening was, how they did puzzles and books and watched Christmas movies. We tried watching Rudolph last night since it was on TV. The girls watched. For 5 FREAKIN' MINUTES! Not even enough for DH or I to get up and do dishes!! And the girls RARELY watch TV! My friends who also have 2 yos say theirs will sit entranced in front of the TV for at least 20 minutes, and some of my friends have 2yos who will "watch" an entire movie! (they're not watching the whole time, but will watch/play/watch/play). We just can't seem to cut that kind of a break! Or, their kid will play happily, be happy to jump in the bath and get pajamas on, and happy to read books and go to bed. Instead, we're trying to deal with "I WANT TO WEAR THE REINDEER PAJAMAS. NOOOOO!!! MIIIIIINE" and "NO DIAPER ON!!!! I DON'T WANT A DIAPER ON!!!" every evening when we're trying to get them dressed after bath.

    And now I feel guilty for being so sour about it. I feel guilty for not looking forward to Thanksgiving "break" because it's not really a break for us. I feel guilty when I go back to work and everyone is saying "I could use another day of vacation" and I'm thinking "I'm SO GLAD to be back at work". I feel guilty for dreading the weekends when we have to handle the girls all day, and for looking forward to monday mornings when I get to sit in a quiet office with tea or coffee.

    Sure, we do fun things on the weekends. We take the girls out as much as we can, and we have fun. It just seems like whenever we're at home, there's no such thing as "relaxing". I know "relaxing" doesn't occur when you have kids, but all my friends seem to have "relaxing" evenings and weekends where they just kind of hang around the house, watch their kids play, play with them, etc. That just doesn't happen for us. Every evening after work is an adrenaline rush for me, trying to think faster than and outwit my 2yos. And then listen to screaming. And then after they go to bed, we finally eat dinner. We can't even eat dinner when the girls eat! We have to referee all the fighting and fussing between the two of them! And then after dinner I take a shower and then I have maybe 20 minutes to do what I'm doing now, and then I crash. And I'm lucky to get a full night of sleep, not interrupted by "MOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!! COVER MEEEEE!!!! COVER! BLANKEEET!!!!" "MOMMYYYY! WAAAATER!!!" And wake up to do it all over again tomorrow morning. It sucks.

    Oh and of course they are perfect angels at school.

    Just had to vent.
    Last edited by twowhat?; 12-01-2010 at 11:20 PM.

  2. #2
    Melaine is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
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    HUGS from me. I really really really get what you are dealing with. I have BTDT so many times with feeling frustrated and jealous and angry....wanting to have a tantrum myself because it seems like everyone I know has an easier job parenting. The constant competition, whining, vying for my attention, demands, complaints; all in surround sound. It really wears you down!

    Things have gotten better. And I know that they will continue to get better for you too. And for me. We can do it!

    And when you say your two are perfect angels at school, I sympathize there too. Mine don't have school but in public their shyness makes them appear as angels to the naked eye. What a huge deception!

    ETA: As to when it will end, well, I don't know.
    Last edited by Melaine; 12-01-2010 at 11:31 PM.

  3. #3
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melaine View Post
    HUGS from me. I really really really get what you are dealing with. I have BTDT so many times with feeling frustrated and jealous and angry....wanting to have a tantrum myself because it seems like everyone I know has an easier job parenting. The constant competition, whining, vying for my attention, demands, complaints; all in surround sound. It really wears you down!

    Things have gotten better. And I know that they will continue to get better for you too. And for me. We can do it!
    THANK YOU so much for saying this! I've re-read your post 10 times in the past few hours and I feel better each time. I know this isn't unique to parents of multiples - all parents have "challenging" children at one time or another. But for whatever reason, we never find that "it's just a phase, and it will end soon". It's as if we're ALWAYS in a "phase"!

  4. #4
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    Default This sounds so familiar!!!!

    I have three year old identical girls and they have been driving me nuts with the whining and screaming and crying is like nails on a chalkboard!! No one understands unless you have twins...I try to vent to my Mom but she just comments on how all kids can be difficult...I get that it's just constant and there are two!!!! So happy to find others who are venting because I have been feeling guilty for looking forward to time away and guilty for not wanting to wake up in the morning and start my day off to the many challenges.
    It helps to know others are going thru the same challenges....I pray for a day of no whining or crying for all of us

  5. #5
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
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    Oh my...I wrote the OP 10 months ago! I am happy to report that things ARE better. They always trend towards better, just slowly. We still have tantrums (thankfully just in the past few weeks they seemed to stop having 1+ hour tantrums and now are in the range of 20-30 minutes!). The fun part now is the DRAMA. MY GOD, the DRAMA!!

    But that's made up for by the insanity of the cuteness. Especially a couple nights ago when we put them to bed and they talked to each other for nearly an HOUR - and they said some seriously funny stuff. It's like a slumber party every night I guess!

    Right now it's pretty awesome to have twins. I never get a break during the day, but I see my friends with a toddler or preschooler and an infant struggle with bedtime routines, nap schedules, etc...and that makes me think I have no reason to complain because I have it "easy" in that sense - they go to bed at the same time and I put them down for naps at the same time. They eat at the same time and follow the same routine. It's definitely SO MUCH EASIER than having 2 newborns/infants. The whining/drama/tantrums are still difficult, but it is totally better than when they were newborns, and better than when they were toddlers, and better than 10 months ago.

    Of course I'm sitting here eating waffles and drinking a beer, so I'm in a pretty good mood

  6. #6
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    great update!!!!

    i know what you mean about a slumber party every night!!!!! it's so cute to hear them talking together - but it definitely keeps them up at night!

    i had waffles for dinner tonight as well!

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