Multiples Club??

[twowhat?]

I think the twins thing will always be at play to some extent, no matter the age, or if they are identical/fraternal (though more so if identical), or whether you want it to The fact is that they are twins and always will be, but I love that about twins. It's that special something that they share, whether they like it or not!

Totally agree that I get more support from moms who have kids the same age as mine, twins or not!!

[RunnerDuck]

My girls will always be twins, and always have a twin bond - but seeing them as twins and treating them as twins, a unit rather than 2 seperate people, is what I fear not being healthy down the line. To what extent this will play out, I don't know.

What I do know is our twins group wasn't helpful. I have more in common with a mom of a 2yo singleton than a mom of 18yo twins. Twins alone wasn't enough to make the group worth it for me.

(I also can't imagine paying dues and still going to a twins club once my kids are that old... THAT'S the point at which I have to wonder, when do you get over the twin thing???)

[Momof3Labs]

It sounds like it is more a social thing for the parents of older twins - why do they have to leave a group of their longtime friends just because their kids hit some magic age??

[fivi2]

I dunno, to me right now they're babies, with the same needs. As they grow, I don't expect them to do the same things and have the same needs. They're two different people. I can see that now. I am pretty sure I know which will be the early bloomer, which will be the more outgoing, etc. I think less and less of them as twins as they get older. To an extent I think it will be helpful to NOT think of them as twins, to NOT have the same expectations, so that going on different paths won't seem an issue. But that's just me. To me, twin 2 year olds, and twin 18 year olds, are really very, very different. While the 18 year old twins' moms might remember what it was like back then, to me, it's more helpful to be with moms who are going through that now, be it with one baby or two.

Of course they are two different people, and I don't have the same expectations... But there is no not thinking of them as twins. (for me). They are twins, and that is a big part of how they experience the world - whether I wish that were the case or not.

I don't know whether yours are identical or if that makes a difference. And I completely understand and agree that there are some things that are better to discuss with same age parents, regardless of multiples or singleton. I definitely had more friends of singletons than twins.

I was simply responding to the idea that the fact they are twins will somehow go away or become less important... And ime, as they age, the twin dynamic comes into play more and not less. Yes, when all I cared about was teething, feeding, and diapers, it didn't matter how many kids a mom had, but when I am talking about splitting up my kids in kinder or trying to explain why a friend wants to only play with her sister, or why their friends can't learn their names, then the twin aspect does come into play.

Again, this is all my personal experience and not meant to sound antagonistic, I was just responding as to why many moms of older twins would find a twin group useful. As I said, I wish I had one at this point (I did not like my local group!).

[RunnerDuck]

I don't know, to me you do the whole mom club thing when your kids are young... you pay your dues, you meet people, and then you split off with those you truly click with. It just seems weird to me to still be paying dues to go to meetings of this club (and it's very meeting-y, not as socially play groupy as the other moms group I am in) after all these years. Very weird. I met a twin mom at DH's work whose kids are the same age as mine and she's the one who said she found it weird, too.

Just not my cup of tea.

I would find it equally odd if in the regular moms group I joined there were hangers-on with 18 year old kids.

[Melaine]

Huh...

I honestly do not care for my local group (at all - I left in a hurry),
but some things in this post kind of jumped out at me.

Honestly, I am more concerned about the twin thing as they get older
and navigate social situations than I am when all I had to do was change
two sets of diapers!

I have identical girls, so maybe that plays a role, but I am terrified of who
gets invited to what party, who gets her period first, who goes on a date
first, how competitive will they be, what about choosing colleges, etc.
Right now at almost Kinder age I wish I had local twin moms to talk to about
class placement in school (together or separate).

I could see a hypothetical twin group becoming much more helpful as we start
to run into social and academic areas. I don't see myself ever
"getting over the whole twin thing" - it is something that will play a role in our
lives for many years to come - it doesn't define my kids, but it is most certainly
a part of who they are.

"Getting over the whole twin thing" sounds ridiculous to me, really. My kids' situation is different from almost everyone we know, because they are identical twin girls. There is no playing that down, no matter how they dress differently, pursue different things, go their own ways.
It is amazing how some "twin" issues resolve themselves, and then more appear. I do think the identical things plays a huge role, however. It isn't this way with my friends who have B/G twins.

[twowhat?]

Haha I just realized we have a couple members with identical twin girls. How rare is that??

I agree with the assessment of identical vs fraternal and would go a step further to say there is a difference between fraternal B/G and fraternal B/B or G/G.

[glbb35]

I don't think you can ever get over the whole twin thing either. Your kids will always have that bond whether they are identical or fraternal. I do dress my boys alike for fun every now and then. They are 21 months. It is also just easier in the morning. If one wears corduroys, it is just easier to throw a pair on the other. Their personalities are so different and that is obvious. As they get older and discover who they are we will let them be who they want to be.

Almost all of my friends have kids and many the ages of my kiddos. But not having 2, they will never have to encounter situations like: how do you deal with birthday parties and one getting invited and not the other, or schooling (do you separate or not) how to deal when you have one child with a disability and not the other, how to work with sports (when one child excels and the other doesn't, etc.), jealousy issues, room issues etc... sure parents of single children whether they have one child or 5 will deal with these situations too but never at the same time, by kids who are so close and kids who are the exact same ages.

I agree you definitely bond with mothers whose kids are the same age but I have at least in my experience have a closer bond with moms who are truly going through the same thing.

Maybe I am lucky. In my twins support group, it is not one large group. We have support meetings for the particular ages of the kids so if you have 2 year olds, you are meeting with other moms of twins with 2 year olds. It works out well for us at least. Surprisingly in our group, I am one of 5 moms who have all boys, 4 boys to be exact and 4 of us surprisingly have boys that are the same ages (give or take a month or two). Had I not come to our local meeting, I would never have meet these amazing women who truly know what it is to raise 4 boys with 2 of them bring twins the same ages as mine. Talk about understanding each other!

I also don't think it should matter how your kids were conceived. I would never look down upon another mom of twins who had say, IVF. Since I don't know what journey she went there to get there. I was just fortunate and chalk it up to being older. It is a blessing either way and with #5 surprising us this summer I think all children are a blessing no matter what. Who am I to pass judgement on someone else on how they conceived? It's just maybe the docs that need to be supervised more! On a side note a few months after the twins were born I was in the grocery store. I did not have my older boys with me. Another mom actually had the gaul to ask me if I had done IVF treatments since I had two. I was beyond pissed. Does it matter??? I asked her if she was asking me whether I had conceived my children with sex or with the help of drugs. Which was none of her business. Another twin mom said that happened once to her to and she asked how much the woman made a year in salary? When she replied back that it was none of her business she said this wasn't either. In the end I told the woman the old fashioned way seemed to work for us. I said we had two other boys. What a mistake that was. she then said "two more? my God!" I swear some people just need to be slapped. We need less judgement and more support of moms, period!

My 2 cents

B

DS 03, 06 and twins 09

[dowlinal]

I'm way late to this thread, but I wanted to add that I think being around other twin moms is often really helpful. I don't belong to the local twins club because with two older kids, I just couldn't make the meetings. The daytime ones are exactly when I need to be at school for pickups and nighttime for the first year was rough, especially since I nursed the boys to bed. However, I am lucky that I know a few local twin moms and I've found that they are a great source of advice and support. A lot of people will tell you that they know what you are going through because their kids are close in age, but it's not true. It's been my experience that unless you are a twin mom, you just can't understand just how hard it is at times. Twins are completely different and over the last 20 months, I've been surprised at how often issues come up because they are twins. it's really nice to have people in your world who understand that and who can offer practical advice.