Support Thread for Parents of Picky Eaters

[daisymommy]

My post was too long. I wanted to vent one more thing. Some people had said "Well, just make him eat it." Ummm, how do you do that? Because I have bribed, yelled, sweet talked, cajoled, demanded that he eat it, and he has an anxiety attack, starts bawling, or has hidden under the table. Yeah, thats a real healthy relationship with food.

When I tried forcing it into his mouth (yeah, real bad I know) he threw up.

When I told him he couldn't leave the table until he took a bite of something on his plate (a no thank-you bite) he sat there for 2 hours and then fell asleep in his plate.

I had had enough and felt like an abusive wench. The kid was not going to give in.

So it makes me mad when people say "Just tell him he has to eat his vegetables; it's non negotiable"--I just roll my eyes and move on.

[Indianamom2]

I have discovered as older DD has gotten older that she is what is a "super taster". I really think she tastes everything much stronger than most. she can detect the subtlest of spices in a dish. It's uncanny really. I joke she has a great career ahead of her as a wine critic. It is also related to her anxiety. She truly has a fight or flight response to many new foods..

This is the book that everyone with typical children seem to love, but honestly nearly caused failure to thrive in my own DS. Because it perpetuates the idea of "if they are hungry, they will eat." Which is not always true. Not if you have a very strong willed child, and certainly not if you have a child with sensory issues, developmental issues, feeding or swallowing issues, etc. etc. And it makes me CRAZY when other people say "Oh, have you tried hiding spinach in their eggs? or cutting their sandwich into cute little shapes? you mean they don't eat any fruit or vegetables?" Really people? You don't have a CLUE what I'm going through here if that is what you think. We are sooo far past that it's not even funny.

Very true points, at least as I have observed with my DD. She has anxiety, sensory issues (maybe a "super taster"?) and she is incredibly strong-willed and always has been. If she doesn't want to eat, no one can make her...and she will literally starve herself. She was basically doing that at school for a few months and we were all VERY concerned because she was going something like 20+ hours between meals and then only eating a very, very small amount....far less than her baby brother.

[Naranjadia]

Oh hello, yes, totally.

We wanted to be all cool - the parents who don't create any anxiety at dinner-time, raise kids without food issues. But how many times can you watch your child eat nothing at dinner before you go stark raving mad? So we have them taste everything, and we make dessert conditional on them eating X number of bites. Exactly what I never wanted to do...

Fortunately, I have gotten over taken it personally when I make a dish that some book or magazine says is "Kid Friendly" and they hate it. I mean, when it happens over and over you get used to it....

I tell myself that their taste-buds are maturing - that nature made their bitter receptors stronger for a reason. I tell myself it will get better next year.

But instead, sometimes DD decides that she doesn't even like mac'n'cheese anymore... Or DS says he wants to only eat breakfast foods from now on.

But the real kicker to me is that eat well at school - on campus, where Sodexho cooks the meals (they're also the #1 provider of prison food.) "Can you make meatballs like at school, mommy?" Grrrrrrrrrrr........

[daisymommy]

But the real kicker to me is that eat well at school - on campus, where Sodexho cooks the meals (they're also the #1 provider of prison food.) "Can you make meatballs like at school, mommy?" Grrrrrrrrrrr........

I'm sorry, but after all the pain and frustration we're feeling here, it was nice to have a laugh. Just provide them with prison food and I guess they'll be fine! Where is that cookbook the prisons use?!

[larig]

I have to confess, I am almost as bad as my son. Since I've learned about sensory issues here I have wondered if I have sensory issues or like PP mentioned, am a supertaster. I volunteered for the Duke study for picky adult eaters. Most fruits and vegetables make me gag. It's awful and embarrassing. It's better when I can cook for myself, because I can puree things for myself--like when a recipe calls for onion I have to puree it, because I can't stand to bite into one. I love V-8. It's a texture thing with most of my dislikes. Soups are a favorite thing of mine.

I don't know if that is what DS's problem is, but his likes are way more arbitrary than mine.

[Puddy73]

And it makes me CRAZY when other people say "Oh, have you tried hiding spinach in their eggs? or cutting their sandwich into cute little shapes? you mean they don't eat any fruit or vegetables?" Really people? You don't have a CLUE what I'm going through here if that is what you think. We are sooo far past that it's not even funny.

DD1 will eat a decent variety of foods and DD2 will eat almost anything put in front of her but DS is a different story entirely. He has always been extremely picky. I have tried every trick in the book and every book with tricks. I just have to grit my teeth and smile when I get the same tired advice. Yes, I have tried Deceptively Delicious. Yes, I have let him go to bed hungry. Yes, I do let him cook with me. HE IS STILL PICKY.

I've kind of given up on him eating what we eat. I just find the healthiest version of what he will eat and make sure that he takes a good vitamin every night. Some days he eats three PB sandwiches on whole wheat. The only fruit he really likes is apples, so eats one every day. I doubt he has met the "5 a day" requirement in years. I realize this is not an ideal diet BUT his mental health is important, too. He is sensitive and I just hate for him to constantly feel like he is letting me down and to feel like he is constantly at odds with me. He has ADD and PDD-NOS and we have plenty of battles to fight besides food.

[karstmama]

have any of you with the more severe end of 'picky' children considered feeding tubes (g-tubes)? jameson had one for a year and a half and it was a really *really* good thing. it totally takes the struggle out of nutrition. just a thought...

[Naranjadia]

have any of you with the more severe end of 'picky' children considered feeding tubes (g-tubes)? jameson had one for a year and a half and it was a really *really* good thing. it totally takes the struggle out of nutrition. just a thought...

I don't know how they do it, but my super-picky kids keep putting on the weight at a normal curve, so I don't think we'd even be given the option.

Our pediatrician's daughter would only eat one type of cereal for two or three years, so he always uses her as an example of how being a picky eater is not a detriment to a kid's health, unless they're showing evidence of failure to thrive.

For me, healthy eating is so ingrained that it's hard for me to take the leap of faith that it will all be fine in the end.

[karstmama]

that's good to know. i'm so sorry for everyone's struggles with this.

[lmh2402]

I don't know how they do it, but my super-picky kids keep putting on the weight at a normal curve, so I don't think we'd even be given the option.

Our pediatrician's daughter would only eat one type of cereal for two or three years, so he always uses her as an example of how being a picky eater is not a detriment to a kid's health, unless they're showing evidence of failure to thrive.

For me, healthy eating is so ingrained that it's hard for me to take the leap of faith that it will all be fine in the end.

i am constantly hearing that i "have nothing to worry about" b/c DS is actually really big for his age

who CARES that he only eats the same 3-5 foods. pureed! (even though he has ALL his teeth)

really. who cares. right?

and who cares that he vomits on a fairly regular basis at the very sensation of other foods touching his lips. and gags/retches at the sight of a spoon or fork approaching with any food other than the limited few that he has deemed acceptable.