How to handle PTing regressions?

[edurnemk]

DS has been daytime trained for a while now (pee since June, poop since January - before that he'd ask for a diaper for poop). These last few weeks have been stressful for him in many ways (DH had medical issues and I had to travel out of town because of this, then we came back and 2 days later DH was hospitalized), and to top things off he was sick with mild diarrhea earlier this week. Since then he's had a million accidents (both poop and pee), like several times a day (he had more than average before getting sick, but now it's ridiculous). In fact, most times he's been peeing his undies, and whenever he makes it to the potty it's because I drag him there. I have caught him in the act several times, I look at him and I just know his look and he'll deny he has to go, hide in a corner and wet or poop his undies. Then he won't even tell me he's wet, and when I notice and tell him we have to go change him, he cries.

I don't want to scold him or punish him, so he won't make negative associations and all that, but I've been trying to be very clear that pee and poop go in the potty and that he needs to keep his undies dry. I also told him that the Automoblox he got as a prize for learning to use the potty will have to be put away if he's not going to use the potty anymore. But I don't know if I'm doing more harm than good with this approach.

Any advice for handling this?

[Wondermom]

Sorry to hear about DS's regression and your DH's illness. I got on to post about a similar problem. From what I've read, stress or changes in environment are common causes of regression, and it sounds like your family has had quite a few lately. If you've had to go out of town, and DH has been ill, requiring more of your care and attention, DS may be regressing the same way introducing a new sibling to the family causes regression. I can't speak from experience, but I read that backing off and giving time for routines to go back to normal is a good approach. Good luck!

[maylips]

I might get flamed for this and I really think it depends on your DC's personality, but I would put him back in diapers and start all over. Take away his Automoblox - together, find a "safe" place for it - and tell him that it's okay if he needs to use diapers again, but it's not okay to go potty in his pants when he knows he's supposed to use the potty to do that. Just be matter-of-fact about it - not that it's a punishment, but it's just the way of the world. And let him know when he's ready that you can't WAIT to get the Automoblox back out so you can play together.

I'm sure it's a lot about the stress he's been through, but that's also going to become another stressful thing for you both - something he can feed off of your energy and worry about.

And again, it may not work at all with your child's personality - it would work very well for my DD who is very rule oriented. That, and I don't think I'd have the patience to clean up more than one mess per day! That's got to be stressful for you.

[edurnemk]

I might get flamed for this and I really think it depends on your DC's personality, but I would put him back in diapers and start all over. Take away his Automoblox - together, find a "safe" place for it - and tell him that it's okay if he needs to use diapers again, but it's not okay to go potty in his pants when he knows he's supposed to use the potty to do that. Just be matter-of-fact about it - not that it's a punishment, but it's just the way of the world. And let him know when he's ready that you can't WAIT to get the Automoblox back out so you can play together.
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That's pretty much how I've handled it. DH actually does scold him a bit, even though I told him it would be counterproductive. But when I told DS "it's OK, if you don't want to use the potty anymore, we'll just put you in diapers again" he got really mortified, he really doesn't want to wear a diaper like a baby (he's proud of being a big boy), but I explained pee and poop go either in the potty or in a diaper, not his undies. I told him we'd give it one more try and that if he wet his undies again we'd have to go back to diapers.

So after today's pee and poop accident (OMG I'm still not over it, what a mess), I cleaned him up and put a diaper on him. I asked him to tell me when he feels ready to use the potty again.