sad about the gender that never was?

[MacMacMoo]

Not sure I worded that right. I tried asking DH last night and he kind looked at me like a was crazy and said it must be a hormones thing.

But the short and simple question is: When you found out the baby's gender (be it at the ultrasound or at birth) did you feel a little sad over the gender that wasn't?

Background long winded version: With DS1, I didn't care one way or other, okay i think I was leaning towards a boy. With Matthew, once again didn't care one way or other. Found out it was a boy and was happy.

But with this one, the ultrasound is in two weeks and we plan to find out the gender and I feel that no matter the answer I'm going to be a bit sad about not getting the other one. If we have a girl, a be a little bit sad it wasn't a boy. If it were a boy, I'd be a little sad it wasn't a girl.

Is it "normal" to feel like this? Or should I be making an appointment with the midwives' in-office psychologist?

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i think it's completely normal to have some disappointment either way. when i found out DC#2 was a girl i was really happy and i was over the moon (still am). but then part of me (and DH too) felt sad that we weren't going to have two boys. especially DH who has one younger brother (2 yrs younger) and always talked about how they were so close and did everything together, shared bunk beds, and we had been thinking we would do the same if DS had a younger brother. the other thing was, at this point we've mostly decided to stop at 2 kids, and so now whenever i put my DS's outgrown baby clothes away, i feel very sad that we won't get to use them again. so i totally get the feeling. i think it's totally normal.

[ohsara430]

I think it's normal. We didn't find out the gender with our first but when she was a girl I was a little sad it wasn't a boy. I mean not crying about it or anything, I love DD and was excited to have a girl but I guess more nervous maybe we'd never have a boy...idk hard to put my finger on exactly what the feeling was/is.

[larig]

DH and I knew we were going to have one and only one. No matter what gender our child was, I KNOW I would have had to grieve for the boy/girl I was not going to have. In my case, I grieved for the dresses I'd never get to sew, secrets we girls would never share, etc. I think it's totally normal, and in no way diminished the excitement I felt about the boy I did have. He is truly my sunshine.

ETA: I actually chose to find the gender before the birth so that I would have time to go through this process. I won't lie, I cried, even though I was thrilled to be having a boy. YKWIM?

[kijip]

I think it is normal. But of course, it doesn't last long. We were disappointed for in that first moment during the ultrasound, but then got very excited and happy and of course, we could not imagine having it any other way than 2 boys.

[daisymommy]

I was absolutely positive that #1 was going to be a girl. Until the ultrasound. Then I about fell off the table, asked them to check it two more times, and then proceeded to cry for a week over it .

I love my DS to death! So glad I have an older brother to be the protector of the younger ones as they grow up. But it was an adjustment to make mentally. Totally normal I think.

One thing that really helped me was to go shopping for the cutest boy things I could find, and hang them up all around the house to look at and help me process, get used to the idea. I was very ready to meet my little boy once he was born

[carolinamama]

I think it is totally normal. We have two boys and I have ALWAYS wanted a daughter, even before kids. Just had my level II u/s yesterday and found out #3 is a girl. It's what I wanted and hoped for, but some part of me felt a sadness that I would never have a little baby boy again. Unless some alien took over my body and decided for me that I needed 4 kids. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon excited to be having a healthy baby girl but I think it is normal to feel a slight void there too.

Best wishes for your u/s.

[hillview]

normal and it passes
/hillary

[MoJo]

Totally normal, and I wouldn't see a psych unless you were having ongoing feelings of sadness.

I'm another one who likes finding out the gender at the U/S, in part to have time to adjust mentally.

FWIW, we wanted a boy for number 2, and got a girl. I'd say it took me a few weeks to get over it, and DH a few months (because he wanted a boy a lot more than I did for several reasons.) It didn't help that nearly everyone I'm close to was disappointed that Ha was a girl. But, by the time she was born, I was more attached to her than my first.

[scrooks]

I agree with totally normal. I had a feeling very early on with DS that he was a he but when the ultrasound finally confirmed it I was really sad that DD wasn't getting a sister. Once he was born, I fell completely in love and can't imagine if he had been a she. He is the sweetest little guy ever!