UPDATE-THE ONCOLOGIST CALLED ME TODAY.-My dad passed away. BBBers, some questions...

[nfowife]

So sorry for your loss. I know it wasn't expected so soon but know you did everything you could to make your dad's life easier and more meaningful the past few months with you and the kids close by.

[Kitten007]

I am so sorry for your loss. It's not fair when this happens. Especially when the future seems to be going so well.

I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive, but if I was your dad (and I have always said this to my family)....that is exactly how I would love to leave this earth. No pain, asleep, and peaceful. My heartaches for your family.

Sending you tons of hugs and P&PT.

[candaceb]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know you, but I have ready your story over the last months and I know you were such a good daughter to your father. He knew he was loved.

I agree that khakis and a sweater are fine for the boys. DS is obviously younger, but that is exactly what he wore to the visitation for my dad in January (he didn't go to the funeral). I do think that your husband should have a suit. Do you have any friends in town who might wear a similar size? My BIL ended up borrowing shoes from one of my dad's friends for the funeral - people are very willing to help in times like this.

For the nanny - I'd just be honest with her. I'm sure she'll understand that things have unexpectedly changed and she can make a decision about how she wants to proceed.

[sewarsh]

I'm very sorry for you loss.

[khalloc]

I am so so sorry for you.

I would tell the nanny ASAP and say you could commit to X number of weeks or months. But if she hasnt given her notice yet, maybe she would rather stay at her current job?

[goldenpig]

Lisa, I'm so so sorry. I am glad that his passing was at least peaceful and he wasn't suffering.

My dad had cancer, went through radiation and chemo, and died quickly/suddenly at the hospital. And I had a stepdad who had cirrhosis, who also died suddenly at home. You never really know what causes these things--heart attack, arrythmia, stroke, pulmonary embolism. It doesn't really matter in the end, but feel free to talk to his doctor if it will bring you closure.

Don't worry about buying special clothes for the kids. And as for the nanny, do whatever is best for your family. She will be understanding if you decide you don't need her any more.

More hugs. You are in my thoughts.

[arivecchi]

Lisa, I am so sorry to read this. It must be such a shock as it did sound like things were improving.

I agree with what the others said regarding the nanny situation. Just let her know what is happening so she can make her call.

Many hugs headed your way. Please take some comfort in the fact that you were an excellent daughter to your father.

[boolady]

I'm so, so sorry, Lisa.

I think it's totally fair to talk to your father's doctor about why this happened when it did. He might not have answers for you, but I think it's fine to ask.

I think you need to be honest with your nanny ASAP so that she can make the best decision for her. Tell her if she wants it, you'll keep her on for X months, but that you understand if she would rather try to get her old job back. Hopefully she left there without burning bridges and they'll be happy to keep her.

I'm not one for formalities, so I think you and your family should dress in whatever makes you most comfortable for the funeral.

I agree with everything mommylamb had to say on all of these issues. I will add that while there's nothing wrong with asking the doctor, as others have noted, he or she may not be able to give you an answer. My grandmother was in the midst of a moderately successful course of chemo for larygeal cancer when she died one night in her sleep, they assume of a stroke or other cardiac event. Chemo is just so, so hard on the body.

I'll be thinking of you and your family.

[Gena]

Oh Lisa. I am so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

I don't know if you will ever find out the immediate cause of his death or even how important it is to know it. It sounds like your Dad was active (working at 72!) and able to do the things he enjoyed right up until the end. And then he died in his sleep. That's a real blessing, even though it doesn't feel like that right now.

The clothes you have for the children will be fine. As for you and your DH, I think you should go with whatever you can get easily and will be comfortable with.

[daisymommy]

Lisa, I just want to cry with you . I'm so sorry for your loss.