UPDATE-THE ONCOLOGIST CALLED ME TODAY.-My dad passed away. BBBers, some questions...

[crl]

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.

I would tell the nanny that you now have short term work for her, but that you understand if she prefers to stay where she is or seek a position with longer term prospects.

Personally I would have the male adults wear dark suits. It sounds like what you have for yourself is fine. I would not worry about the kids at all, clean, not stained and not too worn and it is fine. I don't think anyone expects kids to wear dark colors.

Catherine

[twowhat?]

I am so, so sorry to hear about this and how unexpected it was for all of you. I hope you take comfort in knowing that he died peacefully in his sleep, with great hopes and dreams in his mind.

My thought is that cancer is SO multifactorial that it's hard to place a finger on an exact cause of death. Especially with widely metastatic disease. Most likely it was due to several factors. Maybe he developed a blood clot that could be related to his chemo. Cancer patients in general are already at risk for this. Maybe something else happened. Would an autopsy help you be at peace with the cause of his death? Knowing that an autopsy may or may not give a clue as to the exact triggering factor? I know these are hard things to think about right now. If it helps, I decided that it didn't matter whether they did an autopsy on my brother when he died (they did, but I did not care to ask about the results) because in the end, it would not have changed anything for me. You simply cannot place your finger on any single factor, especially with cancer.

I would definitely keep the new nanny for now - you will need the time to sort through your feelings and everything else that comes with the death of a family member, particularly a parent. I would also consider telling her that because of this, at some point you won't need her anymore just to give her enough time to find another position.

So sorry you are dealing with this so much sooner than you hoped. Big hugs to you all, and may you find peace in knowing that your Dad lived his last moments in peace, without suffering, and in complete happiness.

eta: as for clothes, I know schools of thought differ on this, but I would wear what you think your Dad would like you see you all wearing.

[carolinamama]

Big hugs and prayers for you and your family. After seeing so many people undergoing cancer treatments and how they pass, I feel that you dad's death is a bittersweet gift - to him and your family. He knew he was loved by his family and that he had raised an amazing, sensitive daughter who was really there when it mattered. It is always hard to see it this way in your shoes, but maybe there is a positive side for him?

I am so sorry for your loss.

As for the nanny, I would call her right away and let her know what is going on and ask for some time to think things through. Now isn't the time to be making decisions like that but like you said, it is her livelihood and deserves that much.

Clothes - wear whatever you have. No one will even care what your kids are wearing or you for that matter.

Prayers for you as you tread through this difficult time. Again, so sorry for your loss.

[kdeunc]

Lisa, I am so so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that you may never know what caused your dad's death. I hope that you find comfort in the knowing that he was at home and apparently went peacefully.

I would not worry about what you all have to wear to the services. I would also tell your nanny what has happened and allow her to decide how to proceed.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace.

[cuca_]

Lisa, hugs to you. I am so sorry about your Dad. It must be incredibly hard to have this happen after getting such hopeful news so recently.

I don't think you should worry about getting the kids clothing. I think the outfits you described in your post are fine. I would not even worry about your DHs suit. If he can easily get one fine, but otherwise, I think you have enough on your plate and mind to have to deal with.

Again, I am sorry for your loss. You truly sound like a fantastic daughter. I think that few people would make the sacrifices that you have to be near a sick parent. You are truly an inspiration.

[pinkmomagain]

Just wanted to say so, so, sorry for your loss.
I wouldn't worry about clothes...I think anything neat and respectable is fine.
I would speak with the nanny right away...perhaps she hasn't notified work yet.
I think if I were in your shoes I would call his doctor and ask questions for your own peace of mind.

[scrooks]

I'm so very sorry for you loss.

[BabyMine]

Lisa I am sorry for your loss. I was shocked to read this because of how well he was doing but sometimes the body just shuts down. He was a fighter and I truly believe you had a big part in that.

[kedss]

I wish I had answers for you, just wanted to send you major hugs, I'm so very sorry for your loss, Lisa.

[urquie]

i am so, so sorry for your loss.