UPDATE: Decision Pretty Much Made..................School readiness question...LONG

[HIU8]

Update:

I visited our neighborhood public school grades K and 1st. Both classes had a lot of time where kids were on their own or working in a small group of peers while other kids were with the teacher for reading etc...Both classes were quiet and kids engaged in something. K has an aid that stays in ONE classroom. The other 2 K classrooms do not get an aid. No aids in 1st at all. Plus, our neighborhood school is the only school in the county with a deaf and hard of hearing program integrated into all classrooms in all grades (started by Galudet). K had 27 kids per class and 1st had 28 per class. I was impressed with what 1st was doing. I spoke to the principal about what K was doing also (already above what DS is doing in his modified K program). Principal told me to bring DS to K roundup and they would speak with him and decide if he belongs in K or 1st.

Now the private: K (the grade DS was accepted into) will be a max of 12 kids and 2 teachers. Kids will range from just turning 5 to turning 7 in K (so far we know my DS and one other student will turn 7). I got to see them doing a cooking segment. The K kids were reading the cooking instructions off the board. They were reading long sentences. They were discussing how/when something is a solid, liquid and gas etc... The class will be predominantly boys also.

A couple of extra things. Public has one 20 minute recess (and I understand that might be on the chopping block for my county). Private has recess before school, morning break, PE 5 days a week, recess after lunch, afternoon break (recess). So 5 times during the day for physical activity (which DS needs to help regulate himself).

Here is another glitch. Since DS is in a Pre-K program doing K work, he isn't doing all the K work in a normal K. So he is missing about 1/2 of what they do in K. Putting him in 1st may be a bad idea (as he would not be caught up). Plus, DH and I have really been observing DS and how he reacts/interacts with others. We realize he truly functions better with kids younger than himself. If we place him with same age peers in 1st there is a big chance that socially it will be a disaster. What I noticed at the public school was that the K kids already seemed more mature that DS.

the more we talk about it, the more we realize that putting DS in private K may be the best thing for him (even though we really would rather do public 1st, I think we realize that we will most likely be back to private in a year anyway). Decision not final yet, but we are leaning heavily towards private K.

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Some of you have seen my posts in the lounge about DS and K. He is 6. His bday is in November. Our cutoff for K is September 1st. DS is in a private Transitional K program this year with all kids who are K ready. It's a school for kids who need extra social and pragmatics support. We are not re-enrolling him in the school next year. One reason is that they do not offer FA and we cannot afford $26,000.00 tuition next year. They say he needs one more year there in K (doing K and 1st work). They will not move him to 1st b/c they say he is not ready. DS got into another private that has things in place to help SN kids (it's similar to the school he is in but more academic and less clinical). They have FA and we should bet getting something (I hope). DS has been diagnosed with ADHD and he is dealing with SPD. He is in OT. He needs speech therapy for articulation of a few letters. He may also need vision therapy (although we are waiting on that). The new private also accepted him for K. I asked for him to be reconsidered for 1st. They decided it was not an option for him there. So, here is my dilemna. Do I just go public and do 1st (b/c he is 6 now and will be 7 in November) with outside OT, speech and a social skills class? Will it be a disaster for a kid who 2 schools have said is not ready yet (even though he is age appropriate)? Do I send him to the private K (as a kid turning 7 in the fall of K--with probably most of the boys at age 6 in K at this school already)? What happens if/when he goes into public after I do this? Will this be a huge deal for him (to be the absolute oldest in a public school classroom--by at least 18 months if not more)?

I'm going to our public K to observe a 1st grade class. I guess I will be able to surmise if my DS will be able to handle it next year.

DH and I are really torn. On the one hand, DS is immature. On the other hand, I have never heard of anyone sending a child to K who will be 7 in the fall of K (even if they are immature). DS is doing the saxon math for K now and is reading (although he will not open a book--he reads trucks, signs, things off the TV etc....). I'm worried about a few things--Can DS make it in 1st in public (or will the large class be to overwhelming for him and will be not be able to do the work)? Will holding him back cause other issues if public vs. private? Public says they will put him in 1st and pull him out for reading, handwriting and to meet with the school counselor with a group of kids (social skills stuff) if there are other kids in the school who also need it.

I'm really lost if you have not already been able to tell.

[egoldber]

You already know my opinion.

I'm going to our public K to observe a 1st grade class. I guess I will be able to surmise if my DS will be able to handle it next year.

But I want to comment on this. When you observe, ask to also observe a K class. Those kids are his peers, NOT the first graders. If you look at first graders in the middle of the third grading period you will say no way, no how is my kid ready for this. And you're right. He's not ready for it NOW. But he may easily be ready for it THEN. Kids learn sooooooo much in first grade. Really.

So ask to see a K class to get a better feel for what his age peers are doing now in public school.

[HIU8]

Thanks Beth. I was going to do that also. What gets me is how can the privates make a determination that he is not ready for 1st when they are evaluating him NOW also. When we did the school visit for the school he is in (last year when he was in pre-K). They put him in the K class for the visit and then told me he would not be ready for K this year. I always felt like the filled spot they needed filled even if it wasn't a great fit, and I could not figure out why they were evaluating him with kids 1 yr older than he was. My inclination now is public (although the private he got into is wonderful-not in the top 3 or top 5 in the area. It is a specialized school. But they really want to hold him back and I'm not sure I totally agree with that at this point.

[o_mom]

But I want to comment on this. When you observe, ask to also observe a K class. Those kids are his peers, NOT the first graders. If you look at first graders in the middle of the third grading period you will say no way, no how is my kid ready for this. And you're right. He's not ready for it NOW. But he may easily be ready for it THEN. Kids learn sooooooo much in first grade. Really.

So ask to see a K class to get a better feel for what his age peers are doing now in public school.

Yes! Look at the K class to gauge ability. Has the public school offered any kind of readiness testing? I really do think that if possible, you should put him back on track. I also really do question the motives of the two private schools that say he is not ready for 1st. Both have financial motivation to have him in K.

While the second one may offer FA now, what kind of guarantee are they giving you? Will they offer the same amount of aid for gr 1+? Will the $ amount stay the same or will it increase with tuition increases? How much outside, focused therapy can you get with the amount the private school will cost (which can be paid for with FSA/HSA pre-tax money, possibly)?

[infocrazy]

But I want to comment on this. When you observe, ask to also observe a K class. Those kids are his peers, NOT the first graders. If you look at first graders in the middle of the third grading period you will say no way, no how is my kid ready for this. And you're right. He's not ready for it NOW. But he may easily be ready for it THEN. Kids learn sooooooo much in first grade. Really.

So ask to see a K class to get a better feel for what his age peers are doing now in public school.

REALLY good point. DS1 is 5, he will turn 6 at the end of July and he is currently in K. I would probably give the public school a chance with 1st grade. I would be more concerned about the age difference in later years of school.

[bnme]

I want to know what it is they are doing in their first grades that they are sure he is not ready for? Have you checked the cirriculum differences or talked to moms with kids in the program. IIRC, my son sounds very similar to yours. He is not diagnosed SPD, but I feel he has a few sensory issues. He gets OT and speech and is actually being evaluated for auditory processing - his articulation has improved but I feel he has an underlying issue with speech/language/listening that is not being addressed (well, it's being addressed but I need it in his IEP). His OT says his fine motor issues effect reading/learning due to having more difficulty scanning a page and keeping on track, etc. His birthday is 8/2004 and is currently 6 and in first grade. Our cut-off is 12/1 and he started on time. I have a hard time imaging how holding him back would have helped him. I mean, I understand he is developmentally behind and somethings would have been easier to learn if he had waited a year. But it is not as if EVERYTHING is going to eventually catch up to a certain level and be easy for him. It is a constant work in progress.

I would be concerned about what the private schools expectations are. I think they need to make adjustments to his level, not that he has to wait until he catches up. Will they want to hold him back another year if he isn't up to their standards?

I know the larger class size is a concern, but if he has ADHD he can get accommodations in his IEP. Does public offer speech and OT in your area? What is your general feeling of this public, do you know a lot about it?

I know it is so hard going through all of this. We just want the best for our kids and it is not easy to work within the system and then have the pressure of making the best decision for them.

[o_mom]

I have a hard time imaging how holding him back would have helped him. I mean, I understand he is developmentally behind and somethings would have been easier to learn if he had waited a year. But it is not as if EVERYTHING is going to eventually catch up to a certain level and be easy for him. It is a constant work in progress.

I would be concerned about what the private schools expectations are. I think they need to make adjustments to his level, not that he has to wait until he catches up. Will they want to hold him back another year if he isn't up to their standards?

This brings up something that has been bothering me about the whole situation. To me, the goal of therapy/therapeutic placement should be to catch him up to his peers. They seem to be taking almost the 'easy' way out of just letting him stay behind. If he were within a month or two of the cutoff and could go either way, I think that would be one thing, but to be 6-9 months older than the other kids should not be a consideration unless they have very specific, objective measures that show he is globally delayed by that much AND that he cannot catch up even with support and therapy. I cannot understand a school saying that their goal is to bring him up to a level a year below his age.

[mikeys_mom]

If you look at first graders in the middle of the third grading period you will say no way, no how is my kid ready for this. And you're right. He's not ready for it NOW. But he may easily be ready for it THEN. Kids learn sooooooo much in first grade. Really.

This was so true for my DS. He is currently in grade 1. He has a late September birthday and our cut-off is Dec. 31st. It is very rare to hold kids back here so it was never really a debate for me. However, he is really immature and his teacher last year at the end of SK told us that he will have a tough time adjusting in grade 1 but not to worry, he'd be fine in the end.

Even at the orientation at the beginning of this year, I could not see DS doing the things they were listing off. Well, by parent teacher interviews this past December, DS's teachers both remarked how much he had matured and grown emotionally since he started grade 1. It was a huge change that DH and I noticed at home as well.

Good luck. Sounds like a tough decision.

[pinkmomagain]

I agree with Beth, Kindy is the important class to observe in my mind to assess how/what his peers are doing.

Honestly, I just don't get holding him back again. If you put him in public first grade next year and things are not going well in the mainstream classroom, then I would think he would best be accommodated in a Sp Ed Kindy in the public school...they probably have at least kindy section with a Sp Ed teacher/coteaching/assistant teacher. Or maybe they would keep him in the mainstream classroom and have an aide to shadow him (which would be great to help with social/pragmatics)....of course if a dx/iep warranted it.

[HIU8]

This brings up something that has been bothering me about the whole situation. To me, the goal of therapy/therapeutic placement should be to catch him up to his peers. They seem to be taking almost the 'easy' way out of just letting him stay behind. If he were within a month or two of the cutoff and could go either way, I think that would be one thing, but to be 6-9 months older than the other kids should not be a consideration unless they have very specific, objective measures that show he is globally delayed by that much AND that he cannot catch up even with support and therapy. I cannot understand a school saying that their goal is to bring him up to a level a year below his age.

This is another issue I struggle with. No one has told me that my DS has global delays that would warrant this. NO ONE. OT says another year of therapy will most likely be it for him to catch up. I'm also not sure how valid the ADHD diagnosis is (done at KKI by a nurse practitioner who saw DS for 1.5 hours and did some "testing"). I sort of feel like the whole redshirting thing has gotten out of hand. I also feel like the privates sort of make it so that it's very hard to leave and go back into public (helps their bottom line that way). Then I see DS who, like I said, is immature for his age. His bday is Thanksgiving which is basically 1 week shy of 3 months over the 9/1 cutoff here. He has emotional immaturity (will go into tantrum mode at home--never at school. likes to play games instead of listening to what needs to be done--again at home and never at school). He also has friends his age and friends a year younger who he gets along with. There are also kids his age who are way ahead of him with respect to maturity.