Opinions, aid or no aid

[NewfieNat]

I've never posted in this forum before but think this is most appropriate. DD, 4, has juvenile arthritis and uveitis. Her arthritis is currently in medicated remission and her vision is finally close to normal. DD's preschool teacher would like her to have an aid in kindergarten. However, as far as we are aware none of the issues are directly related to her arthritis. Here are the concerns -

-Because of small stature her classmates sometimes treat her like a baby
-She does not take the initiative to start crafts on her own, but once started completes them on her own just fine
-She does not participate in group motor/music activities unless encouraged, and even then is still hesistent
-She plays on her own unless asked by others to participate
-She does not participate in class discussions unless asked

To me, most of these issues stem from feeling out of place due to her size, shyness, and being accustomed to/liking adult attention from her many appointments. At home she is 100% normal. I have a background in education so I'm not just saying this, as well my mom is a retired elementary teacher/principal so she has seen many kinds of "normal" and doesn't think DD needs an aid. We have not seen these issues persist at dance class or swimming beyond the first 1-2 lessons.

Perhaps a change of environment is all that's needed? I really don't know. I'm asking everyone for opinions....doctors, other parents, the k teacher, etc. Perhaps some perspective here would help!

Thanks!

Late summer update -

After much back-and-forth DD's returning to the same preschool for a third year rather than K. She will be the oldest and hopefully not the smallest. She has qualified for full funding which includes an aid. Official reports state a moderate PT delay, moderate OT delay with possible SPD, and severe speech delay. Funding with also provide her with weekly OT and speech. I hope this is the best decision.

Fall update -

DD is having a great year! She is interacting with new friends during free play, fits in size-wise, participates in crafts and writing, etc. There's still lots of work to be done before she's ready for kindergarten but I'm confident she'll get there by next September. Even better, she's off all arthritis medications for the first time in 3+ years!

[HIU8]

Just a thought, but maybe a school with small class sizes where she won't get lost in the crowd. Maybe being one of a few with an attentive teacher would be better than being one of many in a larger class setting? Also, maybe you could enroll her in a social skills class where they focus on pragmatics and conversing etc... with kids her own age?

[kristenk]

Honestly, as far as the "concerning" behaviors go, she doesn't sound too dissimilar from my DD when she was in preK. DD was shy and worried a bit too much about "getting something wrong" so that she wouldn't want to do something unless she knew exactly what to do. She did fine in kindy and has really excelled in 1st grade. *All* of the kids are so much more mature from kindy to first and I'm sure there's even more of a switch from prek to kindy.

One other thing, a new-to-the-school girl joined DD's class this year. She's very, very small for her age. DD has asked me why she's small, but that's it. All of the kids accept her as just another first grader.

Here, the expectations for behavior are very different in kindy than prek. What was accepted in prek (treating someone like a baby????), just wouldn't fly in any of our kindy classrooms.

[Gena]

What kind of kindergarten will she be attending, public or private? Is she currently in public or private preschool?

If she will be going to public kindy, has she been evaluated for an IEP or a 504 Plan? If her medical conditions affect her learning (either her academic performance or her ability to fully participate in the classroom), then she should qualify for an IEP so she can receive appropriate services and accommodations. IF she needs an aide, it would have to written into the IEP. Aides are an expensive support service and many districts are cutting back on the aides they provide as part of IEPs. So in a public school setting, it is unlikely that school will provide an aide unless everyone on IEP team was certain that she needs one.

So it's not just the opinion of one preschool teacher that determines whether or not your DD should have an aide. A whole team of evaluators would need to agree that she needs an aide.

If she will be doing private kindy, the rules maybe different.

[pinkmomagain]

Well I may have a different POV, but if dd will be going to public and the aide is "free" I would TOTALLY jump on it! Why not? Certainly at this age it can only help, and not hurt. My dd2 had a SEIT in preschool who helped her with socialization and work on crafts, etc. and I was sooo happy that she had that help (she had dev delays & social issues). Better to get whatever assistance is needed in the very early grades so that hopefully they won't need it as they get older (when an aide starts to get noticed by peers).

IMO school districts are usually looking to give you the least possible services they can get away with, so if this is something that gets approved for an IEP/504 then maybe it would be helpful.

[crl]

Do you think an aide would help? Or would it just isolate her more? I am very surprised honestly to hear that an aide is a possibility for those issues. I know kids with more disruptive issues that don't have one on one aides. Do you already have an iep?

Catherine

[vludmilla]

I work in schools as a psychologist but with adolescents so take this for what it is worth.

Based on what you wrote as the concerns, an aide seems unnecessary. I also disagree that an aide "can't hurt" at a young age. A 1:1 aide often has nothing else to do but help the child they are assigned to and it can get a little boring to be a 1:1 so many times they do too much for the child they are assigned in an effort to be doing anything at all. I am always concerned about children with 1:1 aides developing a dependence on the aide for things that they could do for themselves. If there is a particular activity that she really needs help with, perhaps she could have an aide for just that period but I would be hesitant to even do that. Given what you shared, I believe I would be inclined to "wait and see" what the kindergarten teacher thinks your DD's needs are. I would also explore other options like maybe a reward chart for her to participate without prompting or to get started on projects without assistance. I would really want to activate her motivation and confidence to do things for herself and exhaust those options before going the aide route.
On the other hand, I do think aides can be wonderful so I don't want it to seem as though I am against aides for all children. I just think that often, the idea of an aide sounds a lot better than what the reality of having an aide is.

[Dr C]

I agree, given what you said it doesn't sound to me like she needs an aid. I think taking a wait and see approach makes a lot of sense.

DS also has a kiddo in his class who is VERY small (way smaller than DS who is smallish and young for his grade)... and DS has NEVER mentioned it!

[Uno-Mom]

I work in schools as a psychologist but with adolescents so take this for what it is worth.

Based on what you wrote as the concerns, an aide seems unnecessary. I also disagree that an aide "can't hurt" at a young age. A 1:1 aide often has nothing else to do but help the child they are assigned to and it can get a little boring to be a 1:1 so many times they do too much for the child they are assigned in an effort to be doing anything at all. I am always concerned about children with 1:1 aides developing a dependence on the aide for things that they could do for themselves. If there is a particular activity that she really needs help with, perhaps she could have an aide for just that period but I would be hesitant to even do that. Given what you shared, I believe I would be inclined to "wait and see" what the kindergarten teacher thinks your DD's needs are. I would also explore other options like maybe a reward chart for her to participate without prompting or to get started on projects without assistance. I would really want to activate her motivation and confidence to do things for herself and exhaust those options before going the aide route.
On the other hand, I do think aides can be wonderful so I don't want it to seem as though I am against aides for all children. I just think that often, the idea of an aide sounds a lot better than what the reality of having an aide is.

Exactly that. (Except I'm not a school psych.)

Honestly it sounds like she has a cautious, quiet temperament. Maybe on the far end of typical, but not extreme. Your read of the situation sounds right on.

I'd worry that an aide might actually interfere with her emotional/social growth. It would take a HIGHLY skilled aide to help draw her out rather than further isolate her. And you know the other kids would notice. Maybe she'd benefit from some more private social skills training (like with a small group of kids) if that's available. That could give her the little push she needs to come out of her shell a bit.

But it's ok to be a quiet obervant type, too.

[azazela]

I work in schools as a psychologist but with adolescents so take this for what it is worth.

Based on what you wrote as the concerns, an aide seems unnecessary. I also disagree that an aide "can't hurt" at a young age. A 1:1 aide often has nothing else to do but help the child they are assigned to and it can get a little boring to be a 1:1 so many times they do too much for the child they are assigned in an effort to be doing anything at all. I am always concerned about children with 1:1 aides developing a dependence on the aide for things that they could do for themselves. If there is a particular activity that she really needs help with, perhaps she could have an aide for just that period but I would be hesitant to even do that. Given what you shared, I believe I would be inclined to "wait and see" what the kindergarten teacher thinks your DD's needs are. I would also explore other options like maybe a reward chart for her to participate without prompting or to get started on projects without assistance. I would really want to activate her motivation and confidence to do things for herself and exhaust those options before going the aide route.
On the other hand, I do think aides can be wonderful so I don't want it to seem as though I am against aides for all children. I just think that often, the idea of an aide sounds a lot better than what the reality of having an aide is.

Exactly that and I am a school psychologist as well The concerns above do not merit an aide in my mind unless there are other things going on as well.