so tired

[sste]

Ms. Pacman, what about a mother's helper? I was actually in the house with the nanny and DS and the new baby. If the nanny was taking care of the baby she would bring her to me to nurse. Also, once I nursed I could sometimes run out for an hour or so to do something special with DS. But, really the best part was having all the housework taken care of.

Hang in there!

[ccather]

My oldest dd was a mama's girl and wanted to be held constantly. A sling was my life saver. See what you can find to wear her. It'll free up your hands. You'll be surprised how much you can get done with a baby in a pocket on your person!

[jennilynn]

And I second the sling suggestion. I just retired our Moby a few weeks ago after using it every single day for eight months. My DS wants to be held all the time too.

[Tondi G]

HUGS mama... it'll get better! She is still so little. Once she gets on a more predictable schedule/routine you will get more down time. I third the suggestion for a sling or mobi or pouch.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

hi thanx for all the replies

i already use a sling (sleepywrap) several times a day. but still, it's super hard..the weight of holding DD or wearing her constantly puts a big strain on my back and knees. last time after having DS i had to go to physical therapy for a few months for post partum knee pain. this time, the pain is even worse but with 2 kids there is just no time available for me to go to PT. also, maybe im too weak or not coordinated enough but even with DD in the wrap i can't seem to do certain things like lift DS to his changing table, change him, lift him to the sink to wash his hands, etc. it's hard bc DS is still in many ways a baby and is still dependent on me to do a lot of things for him.

about a night nurse, that is a brilliant idea...though i asked DH but he immediately nixed the idea bc he doesn't like the idea of a "stranger" staying at our house while we're asleep. it was hard enough last year convincing him to get a sitter and to hire cleaning people, for similar reason (he was afraid ppl stealing from us, abusing DS, etc).

anyway, what also makes things tough is that my DH works from home, so it's hard on him too to hear all the chaos during the day. i feel like a failure on many days bc there are many instances where one baby is screaming and i know it's hard for my DH to get any work done while listening to that so there's that added pressure on me as well. i feel horrible for not being able to do a better job and keep both kids content most of the time.

[longtallsally05]

How about a Moby wrap? Might be a better fit for a preemie. I have a sling & a Moby & I felt more secure with my newborns in the Moby. Just a thought.

[twowhat?]

.
anyway, what also makes things tough is that my DH works from home, so it's hard on him too to hear all the chaos during the day. i feel like a failure on many days bc there are many instances where one baby is screaming and i know it's hard for my DH to get any work done while listening to that so there's that added pressure on me as well. i feel horrible for not being able to do a better job and keep both kids content most of the time.

This IS really hard - I cannot imagine how hard that is. It really would be so much easier if he were working outside of the home because having 2 kids crying at the same time, or one crying while you attend to the other - is just a part of the normal that comes with having 2 young children - it's not a reflection of your parenting skills. It just IS. You simply can't be in two places at once. Maybe he could (temporarily) move his office upstairs?

[ThreeofUs]

Hang in there - it's HARD during these first few months.

FWIW, watch her for reflux. That screaming while lying down is a symptom....

ETA: There is no way you're going to be able to keep both kids content at all times. Don't set this goal for yourself - it's a recipe for failure, and who needs that?!?! You're doing a great job, you're a good mother. This is just one of the hardest times. And talk to doulas around, maybe they do night work and you can convince your DH in that they are insured/bonded (usually) if they come from an agency.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

thanks guys, i think i really need to be reminded that having at least one kid crying is part of the new "normal" that i will have to get used to....attending to the needs of two screaming kids is just, in most cases, a physical impossibility! still is frustrating to hear though...

and while my DH is super helpful (he does all the cleanup after i cook, and sometimes helps me out during lunchtime with the kids) in someways is harder when he's at home bc i feel bad knowing how hard it is for him to work with DD and DS there. normally it's not too horrible but today my DS has been so sick with allergies so he was crying a lot, refusing to eat and just acting out in general.

and about reflux, i do have the Nap Nanny which i think helps a bit, but i've noticed that even when i have her on it or an incline (like in a bouncer), she still just wants to be held. like she stop crying immediately once she is picked up. another thing with her is that she totally prefers to be on her stomach or on her side (which of course i can only let her do when i'm holding her bc of SIDS risk).

[StantonHyde]

One of the issues with preemies is that they don't have that 36-40 weeks in utero---when they learn how to sleep!!!!!! I found this out 2 years after I had DS who was born at 36 weeks. OMG--it was pure torture. He would wake up, it would take an hour to feed him, change him, and get him back to sleep. And then he would sleep for ONE hour and wake up again--SCREAMING. I thought I was going to DIE. I had a sitter for 4 afternoons a week and I took a 3 hour nap. Anything to get through the day. I needed sleep.

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for your DH. He can work with kids screaming. There is no way you are going to have 2 kids quiet at the same time. Just not gonna happen.

I wore him constantly because it was the only thing that kept him happy. BUT he was my first. I don't know how you are doing this with your first being so young. You need lots and lots of help. Fine, if DH won't let you hire a night nurse, then he can stay up late--you can go to sleep as soon as your older DS goes to sleep and DH can stay with baby for 4 hours so you get at least 4 hours of sleep in a row. I made my DH take the baby from 10p-2a.

Big, giant hugs!