Dear friend

[HIU8]

Please please please stop calling me daily to cry about how much you hate your job. You need to work this out with your DH (he will not allow her to leave her job b/c they need the $$). BFF is miserable and calls me wanting to cry and whine for HOURS nightly. FWIW, this happened with the last 2 jobs as well (I see the pattern, but I don't know how to tell her that it may not be the position or the people, but it may be her and how she handles herself professionally as part of it--she would not believe me).

I honestly do not mind this most of the time, but it's getting so bad for her right now that she calls several times a day and I either cannot get work done or my DH is angry b/c she calls when we are putting the kids to bed (BFF's kids go to bed MUCH later).

and yes, I have stopped answering the phone when I see it's her. I'm on dump overload right now, and have a host of my own issues to tend to.

[firemama]

Ugh! That's the worst! You want to be there as a friend, but she is kind of taking advantage of your boundaries. During your kids' bedtimes is just plain rude.

[khm]

Is there anyway to gently suggest that, from the outside, her desire to SAH might be clouding her perception since this and the last job(s) were so difficult?

Having a bad job sucks. Wanting to SAH and not being able to sucks.

But, complaining about it nightly for hours isn't a solution. Heck, maybe I'd just say that. A more PC way, "What do you think you should do to improve the situation?" "Again, is there anything I can do to help this situation?" "Sweetie, I love you, but I feel helpless. What can we do to improve things?"

[niccig]

Suggest a therapist. Tell her she has been talking about how miserable she is for some time, and maybe it is time to talk to a therapist, a pastor, a career coach aka a PROFESSIONAL to get help with making changes. I would say this everytime she complains. "I know you hate your job. Maybe talking over options with a counsellor will help."

[HIU8]

BTDT. All she says is they cannot afford it. Yes, they have health insurance, but bottom line is she refuses to go. I'm going to suggest it again more strongly. I think she feels there is a stigma with going to a therapist.

[wellyes]

Ack, she sounds tedious. More important, she's consumed by negative thoughts, that is so unhealthy and bad for her family . And she's blaming her DH which also = bad. Perhaps there is a tactful way to suggest she get a hobby or something to channel that energy. Say "Sweetie I'm sorry you're miserable, you need something to look forward to." Scrapbooking, knitting club. C25K. Weekly yoga at the Y. Monthly camping trips for her to plan. Read The Purpose Driven Life together. Anything.

[niccig]

BTDT. All she says is they cannot afford it. Yes, they have health insurance, but bottom line is she refuses to go. I'm going to suggest it again more strongly. I think she feels there is a stigma with going to a therapist.

But she's using you to be a therapist. And it's not like you don't have your own concerns right now.

I'm not saying to dump her, she is a friend...but you need to not have her calling you all the time...

[HIU8]

absolutely correct on both counts. But, I am a lousy therapist. I cut her off and tell her I'm to busy to talk (that is how I've handled it in the past).

[karstmama]

or 'i know you have some work issues, and i'm happy to listen for three minutes. then we need to talk about something else. if you need to talk about it more, it's time to find someone to pay because that ain't me.'

hm, it sounded a bit less harsh in my head. i was trying for polite boundary setting.