# of kids pre marriage vs. # kids now (and in the future)

[AnnieW625]

and how many did you have (and or plan to have in the future)

Haed's "would you marry your DH again" post got me thinking about this. I had a goal that I'd marry by 30, have my first kid at 35, and be done having kids around the time I was 40. I wanted 4 kids, but now I couldn't see myself being the parent of 4 kids under 5 yrs. old (I have a friend who has a just 6 yr. old, an almost 4 yr. old, an almost 2 yr. old, and a 2 mos. old), which would've been my plan had I followed it. Funny how things change, right? I never thought I would ever think about just having one kid, which is what I did for about 2 yrs. after DD1 was born. I would've been happy with an only for a very long time. My girls are 4 yrs., and 3 weeks apart.

I am the oldest of 3 kids, and am 10 yrs. older than my younger sister (there is a 7 yr. gap between my brother, and my sister).

ETA: I voted 4 prior, and we are now 2 and done. If we currently didn't live in a higher COL area with a high mortgage we agree that we most likely would've wanted a 3rd child; and had the pregnancy we lost been successful we think we may have tried for a third, but honestly after DD2 I knew I was done being pregnant (I didn't think I could be pregnant a fourth time). If we ever win the lotto we'll adopt.

[vonfirmath]

Pre-marriage (growing up) I wanted a dozen kids

Then I didn't meet my husband until I was 29. Got maried at 30. Together, we wanted 4 kids

I am now pregnant with my 2nd. Wouldn't consider us "Done" exactly. But I do have the feeling this is my last pregnancy. Time will tell.

[daisymommy]

Pre-marriage, while engaged to DH, we both wanted 4 kids.
Now, I *think* I may want one more, but most days I am leaning towards being done. And DH says he is done, but would still be happy if God gave us another.

[BigDog]

Interesting poll. Pre and post marriage I wanted zero kids (I was a dog lover!); but then I had DS and I was sold. Now I have 2 and definitely feel like I am not done - shooting for 3 (maybe 4?), however, my current job situation is throwing a wrench in our plans so who knows what the future holds.

[hellokitty]

Pre-kids, I wanted 2 kids. In my crazy mind, I thought I'd end up with one boy and one girl or two girls. NEVER, EVER, in a million yrs did I ever fathom the idea that I would have two boys and no girls, don't ask me why, it just never occurred to me to think about that possibility. So of course, b/c THAT was the option I had not considered, that is what I would end up with. I openly admit that I went for #3 to, "get my girl." Well, of course I would end up with another boy and yes, I'm pretty bitter about it. I had hyperemesis with all three of my pregnancies, so I am NOT a person who does well with being pregnant and I regret not just having gone the adoption route for #3. I love DS3, but I do not think I will ever get over the loss of never getting the dd that I always yearned for since I was a young child myself (I wanted a sister, but got two younger brothers instead and my mom told me that *someday* I would have a daughter, she totally set me up for disappointment). We are done, DH had a vasectomy. I am convinced I could keep having babies and they will all be boys, b/c that is the kind of luck I have. If I really want something, the universe just won't let me have it, story of my life.

Ironically, DH wanted 3 kids pre-marriage and then after we got married he only wanted two. I think that it had to do with our POV growing up in our families. I came from a 3 kid family and was the child who was always left out (GBB family, and my brothers were only 15 mo apart, so very close and shared a bdrm), DH grew up with just he and his brother and always wished he had a younger sister. Had I ended up with two girls or 1 girl, 1 boy, I would never have had a third child. Two has always been, "perfect" in my mind, except that it didn't work out that way for us.

ETA: That yes, I did deal with infertility issues, so I am thankful that I have children at all. However, I had always envisioned myself having a daughter and just took for granted that I would have a dd. So, it's one of those life dreams that will never be fulfilled for me.

[crl]

I said one or two and dh said three or four when we were dating. (We agreed that that was close enough and that life would work out the differences.) We have two, but rather later than we intended. I feel fairly sure we are done at two, mostly due to our ages and a bit due to limits on money and energy.

Catherine

[sariana]

Wanted 2, have 2, done. (But I still can't help getting that little feeling, wishing that DH's vasectomy somehow would fail. I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't mind a third. And that makes me feel guilty because I can't carry to term. Both DC were early, and I was on bedrest for 2 1/2 months with DD, which wasn't fair to DH at all.)

[veronica]

I have one brother and am the younger one.

Pre-marraige, I wanted one child and wanted to go back to my career full-time.

Now, I am a SAHM. DD is 5 1/2, DS is almost 4 and the twins are three weeks.

And......I'm not gonna lie, the door is not closed to more children.

[bisous]

I always wanted the minimum amount of kids that would equal "a big family". That was four kids for me. I'm expecting DS3 and am 35 years old. All of my kids are about 4 years apart which I really like. While I feel like I'm "getting up there" in age and having kids seems more difficult, I do feel quite open to a 4th. I really enjoy my kids and will mourn when none of them are little any more!

I wonder if I would feel so "done" if this child were to be a girl. I admit in some ways I want to try for a 4th because I could get my girl. I LOVE my boys and wouldn't cry if I were to be a mama of 4 of them but a girl would be fun! I've spent my whole life figuring out life as a woman and I'd love to impart some of my "wisdom" (can I call it that?) to another of my gender, lol!

[gatorsmom]

I voted other. Premarriage I knew that someday I'd like to have kids, but I had really no idea how many I wanted and honestly, never gave it much thought.