# of kids pre marriage vs. # kids now (and in the future)

[FTMLuc]

Pre-marriage I wanted somewhere between 3-5, DH had 2 in his mind but was open to more. I always envisioned having 2 boys first, followed by a girl and another boy or 2. Then around the time I got married (at 25, DH was 34) I felt that I was not ready/interested in any kids, and would have been fine with no kids at all. Not quite 2 years into the marriage DH suggested we start TTCing, and it took me a while to come to terms with that, but once I did I was ready and really really wanted for it to happen soon. Life was not exactly cooperating on that front, and finally, 5 years later we were able to have our little miracle. I still want more than 2, would love to have 4, but with DH’s fertility issues not sure if it will happen. We will start TTCing for #2 this summer. If nothing happens in a year, we will not waste more time trying, but go the IVF route.

[lizzywednesday]

I currently have 1 child and would like at least 1 more.

Pre-marriage/meeting DH, I was not interested in having children of my own AT ALL.

I was absolutely horrified that I would make the same mistakes as my mother did and that I would permanently screw up my children's delicate psyches because I would do x, y or z.

I also really resented the idea that most of my family had/has about being female - the only purpose for a female is to become a wife and mother - and this really grated on my feminist nerves.

However, this changed as I grew up and realized that I turned out OK and it was OK to make mistakes.

Since getting into a serious relationship with DH, we started to discuss marriage and children together. He thinks 2 is the perfect number, though there's some external pressure to have 3 (his 2 closest cousins and his brother all have 3 each) ... I'm fine with 2. I'm fine with more than 2, but DH is not ... and our house simply cannot accommodate more than that! (We'll be here a while yet.)

Also, taking my age into account, I'd prefer to deal with as few high-risk OBs as possible in the future. (Not that I have anything against them, you understand, but I had so many of them during my pregnancy after DD's heart defect was diagnosed that it's something I'd rather avoid in favor of prenatal yoga classes or something fun, you know?)

[jent]

And I have definitely noticed that all the very successful women at my former corporate life and now in the federal government have no kids or had their families very early and than started their "careers" in their early 30s when their kids were older.

This is an interesting observation, Beth. Way back when, I remember going to a lecture on women & leadership and the speaker talking about how often women take "alternate paths" to career advancement (compared to the male model of blazing a trail early on). I feel like I am embarking on this path now- after I finished my residency, we had DD, and I took a fairly "easy" (at least, not a career-advancing) job and put aside any thoughts of heading in the fellowship/academics/research direction. But now that DD is older and we have decided that we are "done", I feel that I'm not really satisfied, career-wise, and so next month I will be entering a fellowship program. It's nice to hear that those of us who take these alternate paths are successful.

Back to the original question though, I had always figured I'd have "at least two" children, but DH from the start has been adamant about only one. For a long time since DD was born I've been torn about whether or not I feel our family is complete, and for a while have been at least somewhat resentful of DH for limiting our options. But recently, I've come to peace with it- we really are a complete family. And being done means I can move forward with my career, which I think (hope) that in the long run will be more satisfying.

[infocrazy]

We both wanted four before we got married. We have four, but one is in heaven. We are talking about this right now actually. I still think I want one more. DH is on the fence and I think he'd be ok either way. Our schedule is hard right now, off-shift, which make things a little more difficult. Also, a fourth would make daycare more of an issue and transportation (hard for a sitter to be able to fit 4 carseats not to mention DH!) of the kids etc...

I'm not sure I'll ever feel done but most likely if we don't TTC this summer/fall then we will be done--I'm almost 35 and DH is 40, we don't want to go too much later. If we are, I will be sad because I didn't know that DD was going to be the last baby when she was little(er-I know she is only 14 months! ) and I feel like I didn't make enough out of the LAST time one of her babies did x...like nursing, she is about 95% weaned...am I really not going to do that anymore???