# of kids pre marriage vs. # kids now (and in the future)

[Tanya]

When I was younger, I wanted 2-3 kids. During/after college, I wanted 0 kids. Got married and were fine with no kids for a bit, then wanted 2-3 kids and struggled with infertility. Am now 38 with 4 kids (8 years, 4.5 years, and 7 month old twins). We probably would have stopped at 3 and I still think that 4 kids seems like so many, but yet I'm doing it just fine. If I didn't have fertility problems and I wasn't getting so old, I don't know if we would have decided to stop at 3 or 4 or kept going. We'll just never know. I don't know differently, but my kids are spaced about 3.5-4 years apart and I've enjoyed having that special time alone with each of my two oldest.

I have 3 girls and one of my twins is a boy. I would have been fine with all girls (or all boys), especially after struggling to get pregnant every time. Now that I have both, it still isn't that big of a deal to me (I know, he's only 7 months old, so time will tell). I think it's more the wondering than anything...the wanting what you don't have. Each of my kids has their own personality.

[hillview]

I wanted 2 and we have 2
/hillary

[boolady]

Ha, well, as a kid, and even a teen, I always thought I would want exactly five kids--3 girls (I have two sisters), then boy-girl twins. Of course, that was before I thought about the financial aspect of having five children, pictured myself as a teacher who stopped working and became a SAHM, and had the house in the neighborhood where all of the kids hung out and there were always freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies on the table. Oh, and I had names for all five of my children.

Fast forward to now, and we have 1 DD and while lots of times I feel done, lately I'm not entirely sure. I am not not sure enough to do anything just yet, but my life is not what I envisioned, not that it's a bad life, by any means. I didn't really care for teaching, went to law school, family finances require me to WOH full-time, and DH and I are not getting any younger. I really don't see a time when I won't have to work, given that DH's and my salaries are almost literally equal, and our health benefits come from my job-- we pay for them, but they are far better than DH's employer's offering. Instead of wringing my hands over everything, in the last year or so, I'm just living and not worrying about what's going to happen too far down the road.

[fivi2]

Planned on two before marriage. Then had twins and I was kind of bummed to be done all at once. We did go for #3 but it didn't work out. I am now starting to think about #3 again, but I think dh is done.

[TwinFoxes]

Really, no zero option? Before marriage zero for both of us. We were the DINKiest of DINKS. But we changed our minds (luckily only my SIL was obnoxious enough to say "I told you so"!) Then we didn't really have a number, we probably both thought two...and we got two! But we planned on one at a time.

[mommylamb]

and how many did you have (and or plan to have in the future)

Haed's "would you marry your DH again" post got me thinking about this. I had a goal that I'd marry by 30, have my first kid at 35, and be done having kids around the time I was 40. I wanted 4 kids, but now I couldn't see myself being the parent of 4 kids under 5 yrs. old (I have a friend who has a just 6 yr. old, an almost 4 yr. old, an almost 2 yr. old, and a 2 mos. old), which would've been my plan had I followed it. Funny how things change, right? I never thought I would ever think about just having one kid, which is what I did for about 2 yrs. after DD1 was born. I would've been happy with an only for a very long time. My girls are 4 yrs., and 3 weeks apart.

I am the oldest of 3 kids, and am 10 yrs. older than my younger sister (there is a 7 yr. gap between my brother, and my sister).

ETA: I voted 4 prior, and we are now 2 and done. Had we not lived in such a higher COL area with a high mortgage we agree that we most likely would've wanted a 3rd child. If we ever win the lotto we'll adopt.

I say this in a very teasing way, but you actually wanted 4 kids in 5 years??!!

I always wanted 2, and I expect that's what I'll end up with.

[maestramommy]

I think things have turned out more or less than what I thought, mostly more Pre marriage I was thinking 2 kids. Dh was thinking 2-3. So we're in the ballpark. Nicest thing is that we are in full agreement that we are done.

I am the oldest of 4, and I'm 7 years older than my youngest sibling. If I were 10 years younger when I started having kids I might be open to having 4, but starting at 37 you kinda have to be realistic about what you can handle. Dh was pretty sure 4 was too many for him, and after 2 I thought I could handle being pregnant one more time, but I put a time limit because I didn't want to have #3 in my mid 40s.

[AnnieW625]

I say this in a very teasing way, but you actually wanted 4 kids in 5 years??!!

I always wanted 2, and I expect that's what I'll end up with.

Yeah, not sure it would've worked that way and I think I would've been comfortable having a child at 40+ (every woman in my mom's side of the family that has had a kid has had one at 35 or older so never a huge issue with fertility), but I have always had a plan for things (done with college in less than 5 yrs., was going to get a PhD, buy a German car, do some traveling, then get married, and spend another 3 to 5 yrs. traveling/working, buy a home, and then have kids), but thankfully have been flexible enough if it doesn't turn out that way. Instead I got married at 25, DH was laid off for almost 2 yrs., never made it to grad school, bought a house, got pregnant 7 weeks later, and had my last child by the age of 32 (which was the soft goal I had when I found out I was pregnant with DD1 because if we had a second the oldest I'd be when the younger one graduates from high school would be 50).

[crayonblue]

Pre-marriage, I wanted 6 kids. We have three (one in Heaven). I am really hoping we adopt 2 more but that will be down the road sometime.

[cvanbrunt]

I have two and I'm done. I wanted zero. DD#1 was a surprise 10 years into our marriage. Life just kind of happens.