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  1. #31
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    A shower is not about the gifts! Its about celebrating a new life, its about honoring the mom and thanking her for bearing this child.

    In my culture a shower is about the grandparents thanking their SIL & DIL for providing an heir, another generation of their bloodline. They get gifts from the mom & dad (traditionally clothing items). The celebration involves all family and friends. Food is a big part of the celebration, most of the times a potluck.

    The yet to be born child does not get gifts. It is traditional to give the child gifts when you "meet the baby" after it is born.

    A second baby is as important as the first one...have a "sprinkle" - if thats what it takes here to mean practical gifts for sec time around parents, because you and the baby deserve to be celebrated!
    DD 04/2008
    DS 06/2012

  2. #32
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    I know around here people do a Sip and See after the baby is born for subsequent children. Everyone comes to see the new baby and mom and it's more of a mingle than a shower. The sip part is obviously up to the host...wine, "mommy punch", or non-alcoholic beverages. Of course people are welcome to bring gifts but it's not expected or required.

    The only people that I have known to do second showers are for twins; especially if they are the opposite gender as before. I think showers are fun and if they want to throw it for you...let them! Besides...there will be cake!

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by artvandalay View Post
    I think perhaps it is regional? In my circle of friends, we do not do showers for 2nd children. I've never even been to a 2nd baby's shower. We typically just visit mom/newborn sometime after baby is born and bring a gift then.

    If you aren't comfortable, then don't do it, but if people in your family are insistent, then just keep it small, close family.

    Oh and that poem.... horrendous indeed!


    Quote Originally Posted by citymama View Post
    I think every baby deserves a celebration. I am so glad I have baby shower pics from DD2 to share with her some day since we have an amazing collection from DD1. Baby showers should not be just about gifts but about celebrating a new life!
    !
    I don't disagree that every baby deserves a celebration, but a shower is not really a celebration for the baby IMO, seeing as the baby isn't there yet.

    I think if you want to celebrate your new baby, it would be nice to do so after he is born.

    That said, you should do what you're comfortable with. I was not comfortable with showers before my baby was born, and I told my friends and family who wanted to throw them just that. That I was not comfortable having a shower before the baby was born. THey were very accepting.

  4. #34
    citymama is offline Pink Diamond level (15,000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by poohbear View Post

    I don't disagree that every baby deserves a celebration, but a shower is not really a celebration for the baby IMO, seeing as the baby isn't there yet.

    I think if you want to celebrate your new baby, it would be nice to do so after he is born.
    Maybe it's just me, but there's NO WAY I'm going to have 50 family and friends pawing all over my newborn - or even 3 month old. The first time I was ready for that kind of party after DD2's birth was her first birthday celebration. And I loved being able to celebrate my last weeks of "freedom" before her birth with a party with grown-ups and no spitup cloths or diaper changes. Where I felt beautiful and glowing rather than a haggard and sleep-deprived producer of milk and changer of diapers. And let's not forget that a shower is about celebrating the mama as much as it is about the new life.

    I think the only reason a pre-birth celebration of mama and baby would seem inappropriate is if people think pre baby parties are just about presents. I
    don't, and neither of our parties was. it's like birthday parties - are they just an occasion for your kid to get new toys? They're about celebrating his/her
    milestone.

    That's my opinion anyway!

    for Sandy Hook



  5. #35
    BayGirl2 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Glad this thread is live because I was just trying to search for "Sip and See" because I remember hearing about that hear. Its not searchable on the boards - the words are too short. :-(

    I have been wondering about whether we'll have a shower for this baby. DH and I were debating whether someone will offer to throw one for us. I had a woman-only shower for DS, and none of our current neighbors were there (we all moved in recently) so this time would be slightly different people, and probably co-ed or more of a playdate. I've heard of people in my area having 2nd showers, but not 100%, so I think its acceptable around here (per Annie's comment too).

    I don't think of it really about getting gifts, rather about celebrating the baby/mother/family. I guess I'd be a little disappointed that DS got celebrated in a way that DD didn't. We didn't do a post-birth party of any kind for DS, so I was thinking maybe a Sip N See or something similar, thrown by us, may be the better way to go. Its not about the gifts, but IME people tend to bring over/send gifts anyway after the baby is born, regardless of whether you have a party or not, and writing "no gifts" has been absolutely unsuccessful in the past.

    FWIW on registries - I always have a wish list or registry live and started one for this baby months ago regardless of whether we are having a shower. I use it as a shopping list for myself, and only mention it when family or friends ask what I need. There are quite a few things we still need. This is a girl, and we have a boy, so we do need cute girl clothes, which is what people like to get as gifts anyway. (Although DH works for a clothing company, so we could live with buying things on our own, thats really not my motivation.) Also, since we use cloth diapers (and all our friends/family know this) I really don't want a "dipes and wipes" party with people dumping boxes of 'sposies on us that would need to be returned or donated. I'd rather have them ask what we need and spend that $15 on a nice diaper cover that we'll actually use. I'm just a big fan of registries/wish lists when I am shopping for others bdays/showers/events so I consider it a courtesy to have one. But I never expect a gift from the registry or at all.
    Amy

    DS - June 2009
    DD - September 2011

  6. #36
    BayGirl2 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by citymama View Post
    Maybe it's just me, but there's NO WAY I'm going to have 50 family and friends pawing all over my newborn - or even 3 month old. The first time I was ready for that kind of party after DD2's birth was her first birthday celebration. And I loved being able to celebrate my last weeks of "freedom" before her birth with a party with grown-ups and no spitup cloths or diaper changes. Where I felt beautiful and glowing rather than a haggard and sleep-deprived producer of milk and changer of diapers. And let's not forget that a shower is about celebrating the mama as much as it is about the new life.

    I think the only reason a pre-birth celebration of mama and baby would seem inappropriate is if people think pre baby parties are just about presents. I
    don't, and neither of our parties was. it's like birthday parties - are they just an occasion for your kid to get new toys? They're about celebrating his/her
    milestone.

    That's my opinion anyway!
    I tend to agree with this. For my first, I specifically wanted a woman-only, no kids shower because I figured it would be my last chance for that before I had kids. (We ended up with 2 toddlers there, but not the 5+ that we would have had if I hadn't been specific to the host.) It truly was the last non-kid party I had. Also it took me a few months after the birth to really feel up to entertaining, and I think we'll be even more busy with DC#2.
    Amy

    DS - June 2009
    DD - September 2011

  7. #37
    sunnyside is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by citymama View Post
    Maybe it's just me, but there's NO WAY I'm going to have 50 family and friends pawing all over my newborn - or even 3 month old. The first time I was ready for that kind of party after DD2's birth was her first birthday celebration. And I loved being able to celebrate my last weeks of "freedom" before her birth with a party with grown-ups and no spitup cloths or diaper changes. Where I felt beautiful and glowing rather than a haggard and sleep-deprived producer of milk and changer of diapers. And let's not forget that a shower is about celebrating the mama as much as it is about the new life.

    I think the only reason a pre-birth celebration of mama and baby would seem inappropriate is if people think pre baby parties are just about presents. I
    don't, and neither of our parties was. it's like birthday parties - are they just an occasion for your kid to get new toys? They're about celebrating his/her
    milestone.

    That's my opinion anyway!
    That is how I feel too. I don't think of them as JUST about getting or giving gifts and I am a SuperStar Gift Giver (deserving of all Capitalization LOL). Having the party before the baby is born gives everyone a chance to celebrate Mom and celebrate the excitement of waiting for baby. I LOVE these kinds of parties and though I always strive to select the perfect gift, to me these parties are more about the celebration and not the gifts. I had 4 baby showers for Chloe, one on the east coast, one on the west coast, one near our home in Lake Tahoe and one for my online friends! Everyone wanted to celebrate and it was so fun to have everyone share in my excitement. Who cares about presents, I think pretty much all of us here can buy what we truly "Need". The gift that I really got from all those showers was the gift of feeling supported and celebrated. And it was an AMAZING feeling.
    Mama to two sweet girls - Summer 2010 and Spring 2015

  8. #38
    BayGirl2 is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Quote Originally Posted by mishkamishka View Post
    That is how I feel too. I don't think of them as JUST about getting or giving gifts and I am a SuperStar Gift Giver (deserving of all Capitalization LOL). Having the party before the baby is born gives everyone a chance to celebrate Mom and celebrate the excitement of waiting for baby. I LOVE these kinds of parties and though I always strive to select the perfect gift, to me these parties are more about the celebration and not the gifts. I had 4 baby showers for Chloe, one on the east coast, one on the west coast, one near our home in Lake Tahoe and one for my online friends! Everyone wanted to celebrate and it was so fun to have everyone share in my excitement. Who cares about presents, I think pretty much all of us here can buy what we truly "Need". The gift that I really got from all those showers was the gift of feeling supported and celebrated. And it was an AMAZING feeling.
    That's a really good way to put it. I think receiving the feeling of other's support and excitement about an upcoming baby is really the best part. I felt the same about wedding showers. We entertain and throw parties often and this is what they are all about - getting people together to share a moment.

    DH and I talked about this last night and decided if no one offers a shower, we may do a "Red Egg and Ginger" party after the baby is born. That's a Chinese tradition of introducing the baby and re-introducing the mother when the baby is 1 month old, thrown by the parents. (DH is American Born Chinese) Gifts are traditionally given, but its more about the family and friends gathering. I like this idea - but personally I'd still prefer to have a celebration before the baby is born instead of after - I just know I'll feel less exhausted at 8 months pregnant than 1 month postpartum!
    Amy

    DS - June 2009
    DD - September 2011

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