How to Prep 17-month old for new baby??

[czekit7]

My 17-month old doesn't really understand the concept of time yet, so we haven't started explaining a new baby yet; but I'm due in mid-June, and we need to start.

All of the books/articles that I have read so far (not many) say that you should put a timeframe around the birth, prep the toddler, and get activities going that prep the toddler for the new baby.

Well, John's language is still fairly minimal. He knows the words "no" "mom" "dad" "drink" "bath" "bed" "nap" "truck"...but that's about it. If I ask for something simple, he can retrieve it for us, but the concept of a new baby, I can imagine, will be absolute gibberish to him.

He attends daycare 5 days a week, and is around 6 wk to 5 year olds. His teachers say that he is very sweet around the "babies"....sits next to them and just looks (wonderful). However, recently one of the little girls in his classroom (Olivia) came up to hug my husband (she absolutely loves him), and John pushed her away from his daddy.

Any suggestions on how to "prep" him for Calloway? I just don't think he will really understand. I think that we will get him something like a wagon or big toy "from Calloway", but what else can we do? He doesn't really watch tv/movies, still just looks/reads boardbooks. Help us!!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

yeah i wanted to laugh when i would read things in books that said "have your older child pick something out for the new baby" "or have your child help decorate the new baby's room". i would want to say um, yeah, my kid can barely talk, lol. oh, and finding "big brother" shirts in 18mo size was also a challenge too (i did find them though, at Gymboree!)

my DS was 14mos when my DD was born. he did not speak much then either..i think his only real words at the time were "mama" "dada", "ball" and "diaper." we didn't do much to prepare him, because, as you say, there's not a lot they can really understand at the point. we did have a couple "new baby" books which we read to him. also, we had a baby doll that "cried" that we let him play with and i would occasionally hold and give a bottle to.

so, am not sure there is much you can do before the baby is born. after DD was born in the beginning there was definitely a hard transition for him (mostly though bc my DD came early and for the first 3.5 weeks was in the NICU, and so DS barely saw us, and his routine/scheduled got all messed up)...but i will say though at after just a month or two my DS was pretty much totally accustomed to the new baby and the new routine. actually i have just been downright amazed as to how well he has adjusted. he now naps and sleeps great at night, doesn't usually get jealous often, and actually shows concern for DD (when she cries, etc). also, the eye-poking and launching-toy-at-baby has begun to decrease from the first few weeks as he slowly learns that DD is little and can't play rough with him.

i did sometimes worry that DS feels abandoned when i have to i spend a lot of time nursing or holding DD and not being able to play with DS as much...and occasionally my son does sometimes complain and whine for attention. But i found the very best thing was to try to involve him in whatever i was doing so he did not feel left out. that worked great because he loves being "mommy's helper". when i have to do the laundry, i let him follow me and let him drag his bag of clothes over to the washing machine. a couple times i let him "help" give my DD a bath. i often ask him to bring my nursing pillow when DD is hungry and he gladly brings it to me. i think he really jumps at the opportunity to do these things because he likes the extra attention and he can realize how he can do so many "grown up" things (and DD can't). also, it makes him feel more involved so things like giving DD a bath, feeding DD,etc are more like me and him are doing something together vs. me doing something just for DD and him feeling left out.

so,sorry for writing a book..but just wanted to say not to worry, i'm sure your son will be great with his little sister! and the part about him getting jealous when your DH was with another littler girl, that sounds TOTALLY normal..my DS did that too, when i was preg and holding a friend's baby. they totally get used to it though. in the mornings when i go get DS, he often asks where DD is by saying her name! so sweet!

eta: i posted a similar thread earlier when i was preg with DD...some had some good suggestions
https://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/sh...d.php?t=378641

[logan's mom]

I am due in September and DS1 will be 25 months old. I ask my ped about this and he says that really there is very little you can do to prepare a child that young or younger. We have started putting out the baby gear so that he gets used to that....and can understand we don't shake the bounce, push the swing, etc. We talk about the baby and he will rub my belly. It helps that all of our playdate friends are getting siblings before us, so we look at those babies when we all get together.

[MacMacMoo]

SqueekMoo was going to be 18 months old when Matthew was born. We decided based on his vocab and such there was no point in try to get the idea of a new baby across to him. We figured everything would work itself out once the baby was born.

This time around SqueekMoo is going to be one month shy of 3 years old when Sproutlet is born. We made a slightly more of effort, but not much really. He likes the babies at church so when we first mention a baby brother we were sitting in the nursery at church asking if he liked babies. If we got a positive answer we'd continue with would you like a baby brother? if we got a positive response, we'd ask what sort of things do you do with a baby brother.

We go through the asking about twice a week now. Most time he talks positive about it. We've only gotten a no once, but that's because DH asked him about a baby brother during a no spell.

[llama8]

I am due in 3 weeks and my DD will be just 19 months by 2 days when this baby is born. I am in the same boat as you. She understands a lot with a limited vocab...but I think the idea of a baby coming is too abstract at this age. She pats my belly and says baby and we show her lots of pictures of babies. We got her a baby stella doll that she can "give" a bottle and binky to while I am feeding the baby.

I am hoping she will be a helper and I will try to include her. She is an expert at putting her dirty diapers in the diaper pail, so maybe that is something she can do to help with the new baby.

I am just going to try to involve her and hope it is not a complete trainwreck. I am pretty nervous about this transition.

[WatchingThemGrow]

This Joanna Cole [U]I'm a Big Brother[/U] book seemed to do a good job to us. I saw it at Target last night. They just revised the book and the old cover looks like this. http://www.amazon.com/Joanna-Cole-Im...7269798&sr=1-6

We got DD a Corolle doll and MIL gave her a pj set. Once the baby was here, she was diapering, swaddling, and nursing that baby, which seemed to take up most of her day.

ETA: Neither of my big kids had issues when the baby was born (both around 18m at the time) but it was more that I didn't know how to time everything to meet everyone's needs plus my own. And I totally didn't expect DD to start PTing shorty after DS1 was born. That was a riot. or something!

[Canna]

I love the book My New Baby by Kubler - it's a lovely board book with no words that might be appropriate for older siblings that are still baby-aged themselves. I see unfortunately that it's not available on amazon, but you might check your library or find it used. My DD was not expecting to be an older sibling at 17/18 months but she really enjoyed this book anyway! http://www.amazon.com/My-New-Baby-An...7307027&sr=8-1

My amazon search turned up a second book that looks like it might be good too and is available: http://www.amazon.com/My-New-Baby-Ra...7307160&sr=8-2

Also, I think it's important to remember that even though there will be a new baby, your DC#1 will also still be a baby. I would try make sure that you and family helpers, etc. baby the older sibling as much as possible with cuddles, holding, baby-wearing, etc.

[nfowife]

I second the PP's reco of the book "my new baby". I have the Kubler version but the new Fuller one looks good too. I like that they show mom nursing baby while just going about daily life. That's what goes on in our house so it was good to show those pics to DD. There's not much you can do to prep them...it will work itself out in time. One good thing if you are nursing (or even bottle feeding in the beginning you'll need this!) is to have a tub of small toys that are new that are only for when you are feeding baby. This way they will keep your older DC occupied and happy while you spend endless hours feeding....

[ryanmom]

My older will be 18 mos. when baby #2 is born. My pedi recommended that when we arrive home from the hospital that I go right to Carolyn and that my husband carry the new baby in. We have a big sister book and talk about the "baby" in Mommy's tummy (which she gives kisses to) but otherwise, I don't think she gets it at all. People also recommended that we get my DD a toy from the new baby (which we did) but I don't think she'll even notice (when I brought the wrapped present home from the toy store she had no interest in it). The Pedi also recommended a special bin of toys/books that only come out when the baby is nursing/eating as this is a time when the older sibling tends to demand attention. The special bin makes it a special time for the older sibling as well.

If you have had your baby, I'd love to hear about how it is going. My pedi indicated that it would be at its worse about 2-3 weeks after the baby came and then it would get better.

[czekit7]

Thank you all for the great ideas. One week to go, and DS is "petting" my belly, but then he pets his and slaps his Daddy's. Crossing our fingers.