When Sex Isn't An Option

[Raidra]

When actual intercourse isn't an option, due to your period or whatever, what do you do to stay sexually connected, or to feel sexually desired?

Specifically, I found that this last week, having my period and unable/unwilling to have sex, was really rough. I know how to keep him 'fulfilled' - heh. But I'm looking for ways he can show me that he wants me, even when 'down there' is off limits. We're good about showing affection in non-sexual ways.. I'm specifically talking about sexual feelings.

Thoughts?

Btw, I'd appreciate it if we can keep the comments focused on this question, rather than the general state of my marriage. Thanks.

[waitingforgrace]

I like massage, lots of touch and kissing. It's a time that is completely focused on me. He does all the work so to speak, I just get to enjoy.

[AshleyAnn]

That happened to me when things started to get pretty hot n heavy the first time with the last guy i was dating. I told him we couldnt because of my period and after about 30 second he was like "i'll just stay outside of the panties" and was all over me. It was excellent. Didnt feel messy or gross at all and the tabooness of it made it feel super hot. I had on lacy boyshort panties so they didnt really interfer at all and the string from the tampon was tucked inside so it wasnt in the way.

[JBaxter]

Well DH knows I am not comfortable having sex while having my period. He respects that and if he suspects he will usually ask if its a good time while snuggling in bed or on the sofa. He's not some horn dog that can't wait a few days for sex. I dont look at sex as something I have to do to keep him fulfilled its mutual for us. We hug & kiss every day and stay connected that way its not all about the physical act for us.

[katerinasmom]

OK, I feel like I'm going to give TMI. But here goes - when I'm on my first or second day, my flow is usually too heavy to do anything. I'm just too nervous about making a mess everywhere. But any other day of my cycle when full blown intercourse is still off the table, the rest of my body is totally on the table. My boyfriend is very good at making sure that I know he loves every inch of my less than perfect body - skin caresses all over, breast fondling and sucking, hair stroking, short massages of various areas, kissing every inch of exposed skin. At the same time, I'm of course reciprocating. We can do that for an hour and get so riled up that intercourse or not - we climax. It's a lot of fun. Like when we first started dating and couldn't keep our hands off each other but weren't quite ready yet to do the deed. I also use an instead soft cup so sometimes we'll have sex anyway if I'm towards the end of my cyle - just no oral on me until my period's completely over.

[hillview]

DH doesn't mind the mess so we don't have off times. When I am feeling like I need something else he will give a nice back massage.
/hillary

[amldaley]

Well DH knows I am not comfortable having sex while having my period. He respects that and if he suspects he will usually ask if its a good time while snuggling in bed or on the sofa. He's not some horn dog that can't wait a few days for sex. I dont look at sex as something I have to do to keep him fulfilled its mutual for us. We hug & kiss every day and stay connected that way its not all about the physical act for us.

It's, what, 4 days? 5? We snuggle, we'll lay on the sofa or in bed to watch a movie and he will rub my head, which invariably puts me to sleep.

Sometimes we make plans for when I am ready to be physical again, playfully discussing.

For the record, I am not opposed to sex during period, but we tried once recently and...eh. It just did not do much for me and it was messy.

I guess years ago, we may have done more over the clothing rubbing or making out in the shower during that time. But, again, like above, we express our feelings to one another mutually on a daily basis, so it is not a big deal to wait a few days to be back in the saddle again (that's me...whistling the tune of "Back in the Saddle Again".)

[Raidra]

Thanks guys.

To clarify: We'll occasionally have sex at the very end of my period, but the first 4-5 days are wicked heavy (since having Niall, anyway). We barely have enough energy for sex, and I can't stand the idea of cleaning up a big mess while in that post-coital haze.

We also do plenty of cuddling, massages, etc, whether I have my period or not. I guess we'd always held off on anything sexual because of the 'teasing' aspect, but we're starting to remember that teasing has its place.

Because of our marital problems, right now I need a *lot* of reassurance that he loves me and finds me attractive and sexually desirable. While we kept up the non-sexual touch, verbal expressions of love, etc.. just going a week without him doing much to show me he wants me sexually was rough. Normally I'd think, "Eh, what's a week.. no big deal." But we're in a different place right now.

Thanks for all the suggestions, guys. I'll definitely bring them up with my husband.

[amldaley]

Thanks guys.

To clarify: We'll occasionally have sex at the very end of my period, but the first 4-5 days are wicked heavy (since having Niall, anyway). We barely have enough energy for sex, and I can't stand the idea of cleaning up a big mess while in that post-coital haze.

We also do plenty of cuddling, massages, etc, whether I have my period or not. I guess we'd always held off on anything sexual because of the 'teasing' aspect, but we're starting to remember that teasing has its place.

Because of our marital problems, right now I need a *lot* of reassurance that he loves me and finds me attractive and sexually desirable. While we kept up the non-sexual touch, verbal expressions of love, etc.. just going a week without him doing much to show me he wants me sexually was rough. Normally I'd think, "Eh, what's a week.. no big deal." But we're in a different place right now.

Thanks for all the suggestions, guys. I'll definitely bring them up with my husband.

Okay - so you are looking for actual suggestions?

If your marital bed is toy-friendly, a strategically placed massager works over your clothing and is mess-free. You can reciprocate to him with some handy-work.

[fortato]

When I have my period the last thing I want is my husband loving up on me. I usually tell him to get a magazine and hit the shower. It's 5 days. We can handle the time off.


However...if he absolutely needs to have sex, and you feel the need to oblige, consider reading the book "Just Do It" This couple had sex 101 days in a row. I couldn't do it. But, it might help you out.