When Sex Isn't An Option

[Raidra]

Okay - so you are looking for actual suggestions?

If your marital bed is toy-friendly, a strategically placed massager works over your clothing and is mess-free. You can reciprocate to him with some handy-work.

We're very toy friendly. We comment all the time that the best gift my husband ever gave me was a Magic Wand.. and that was 10 years ago. It's still going strong.

I definitely got some suggestions here.. I'd forgotten about the shower, duh. And the reminder that teasing can actually be fun and not frustrating. We'll probably up the massages, too.. with his back injury, that was kind of out for him, and I didn't want to ask for a massage if I couldn't reciprocate. Thankfully he's pretty much better now.

[Raidra]

When I have my period the last thing I want is my husband loving up on me. I usually tell him to get a magazine and hit the shower. It's 5 days. We can handle the time off.


However...if he absolutely needs to have sex, and you feel the need to oblige, consider reading the book "Just Do It" This couple had sex 101 days in a row. I couldn't do it. But, it might help you out.

Yeah, it's not that he needs it, it's that I need to feel wanted. I have no problem taking care of him orally or manually, we were just kind of 'stuck' with that being one-sided, and he felt bad about not being able to reciprocate.

[daisymommy]

it's that I need to feel wanted

Just wanted to say, I think we can all relate to feeling this way in life. Totally understandable.

[buddyleebaby]

Well, I think everyone else pretty much covered what you can do without penetration.

I think for *me*, though, what makes me feel wanted are things like cuddling on the couch, stroking my hair, holding me at night, kind words, rubbing my legs, making me tea, kissing me, etc. True, there is nothing sexual about him bringing me a cup of tea, but when I have a backache and a headache and it's been a long day, that little act makes me feel much more appreciated, wanted, and understood than an orgasm would. And little things like gentle rubs and kisses let me know that he is still interested in being close to me, touching me, etc., but also respectful enough of me to wait until I am feeling better. And that is very sexy.

[lalasmama]

TMI ahead

I trying to be, ahem, "pure" until I'm married; I had way too much fun in my younger years, and I want it to be special again. I've been on this quest for 4 years now, which means actual intercourse is a memory from a different time. However, I've dated a 3 men since my attitude change. Only 1 of those men had an issue with no intercourse, however, he had many issues (I left when he commented "If I didn't love you, I would have raped you by now, and you doubt me?")....

So, here's what I've discovered/done:

As others have said, most things can be done over clothes (touching, rubbing, toys). I wear an Instead cup just in case it becomes more that just some rubbing.

Never underestimate the fun of getting a little "feel" in. A swat passing by in the kitchen, a little grab while the kids aren't watching, etc. And I will admit that I would sometimes ask for a footrub, and when he would turn himself on the couch to reach my foot better, I would rub my foot somewhere Sometimes just reminding him that I can make his body do certain things is enough to get some attention! LOL Sometimes men need to be reminded that touching is fun too.

A "dirty" text can be entertaining. Text him a picture of a hard nipple with a note that you were thinking about him. Or tell him what you want to do to him when you can be together again. (I will admit when ex-SO did this [when we were still dating, obviously], it made me more interested in being together again. I have probably 20-30 texts of him, with notes about how he couldn't enjoy his trip to Hawaii without me because he kept thinking about the time we did x, y, z, whatever. And I got pictures showing "how much" he missed me. )...

And every once in a while, we'd have a "me day", where he has taken care of his needs when I was at work or whatever, and he focused on nothing but the ways he can bring me the joy he gets when he's not allowed near certain areas.

However, with most of my prior relationships, sometimes you have to flat out say "This is what I need." Romantic? No. Necessary? Totally. They can't read our minds anymore than we can read theirs. The only difference, I think is we know they are hard-wired to think about sex 6 times a minute. Since most women aren't like that, we need to tell them what we like. All the more so, IMO, because not everyone likes everything the same way. A touch that may make me consider doing xyz may make you run for the hills. So, it's unromantic, but most men need to be told "I know we can't have sex, but I miss you copping a feel" or "I love the anticipation of doing xyz when my period is done". Chances are, if you give him an obvious hint, he will run with it!

[Jo..]

My husband usually only gets lovin' about once per week anyway. Twice per week if he's VERY lucky, every other week if I am in a bad mood.

So, it is absolutely not an issue at all if we skip a few days.

Having said that, I often use an Instead Softcup when I have AF. It is like a disposable Diva Cup, with no tail. You can, and we have, had mess-free intercourse many, many times even during my heaviest days. If I'm in the mood, I just pop one of those babies in and I'm good to go. DH never even knows it's there or that I have my period.

[fortato]

My husband usually only gets lovin' about once per week anyway. Twice per week if he's VERY lucky, every other week if I am in a bad mood.

So, it is absolutely not an issue at all if we skip a few days.

Having said that, I often use an Instead Softcup when I have AF. It is like a disposable Diva Cup, with no tail. You can, and we have, had mess-free intercourse many, many times even during my heaviest days. If I'm in the mood, I just pop one of those babies in and I'm good to go. DH never even knows it's there or that I have my period.

Dude... you must have a deep vagina. The Diva cup takes up all the spare room I have.

[artvandalay]

Dude... you must have a deep vagina. The Diva cup takes up all the spare room I have.

The Instead is different than Diva. I've had sex while using Instead and it was no problem. Diva is different, because it's like a cone that hangs down. Instead is a flexible, wide ring that you squeeze together and it pops open. The reserviour (sp?) is flexible, not rigid like the diva.

Do they still sell Insteads? DH and I are planning a romantic getaway soon and I am paranoid I am going to be on my period! I might pick up some if I can find them.

I much prefer the Diva to Instead for regular period stuff, by the way. The Instead is one use only and then you toss.... I LOVE that the Diva is so environmentally friendly with no waste. The only advantage of the Instead is that you can have sex with it... that's it. I think DH might also be able to "feel" the Instead.

I haven't used the Instead in years... I've had a couple of kids since then so I don't even know how it would fit me anymore, but I might see if I can find a box.

FWIW, When I'm on my period the last thing I want is sex. DH knows to just leave me alone. I just feel a bit of pressure on this trip because it's being billed as the "sexy weekend getaway trip" lol... and I just want to have fun.

[Jo..]

Dude... you must have a deep vagina. The Diva cup takes up all the spare room I have.

My vagina size non-withstanding (and it is ENORMOUS ), the Instead is WAY different than the Diva. Very small and shallow, very thin plastic. You can shove it way up there, and not feel it at all (vs the Diva Cup which always annoys me).

Here is a picture of the instead. It is like a rubber ring with a Saran Wrap cup.


ETA I use the Diva Cup on a regular basis because I am too cheap to spring for boxes and boxes of Instead. However, when my cooch starts to hurt from shoving that giant Diva in and out all day every day, I reach for the Instead to give it a break.

[fortato]

My vagina size non-withstanding (and it is ENORMOUS ), the Instead is WAY different than the Diva. Very small and shallow, very thin plastic. You can shove it way up there, and not feel it at all (vs the Diva Cup which always annoys me).

Here is a picture of the instead. It is like a rubber ring with a Saran Wrap cup.


ETA I use the Diva Cup on a regular basis because I am too cheap to spring for boxes and boxes of Instead. However, when my cooch starts to hurt from shoving that giant Diva in and out all day every day, I reach for the Instead to give it a break.

Sort of like a Yarmulke for a rainy day.