ADD and school expectations

[SnuggleBuggles]

On the flip of that, I would say that not everyone is going to have success with certain organizational systems and sometimes it takes trial. The end result too- the good grades and, more importantly, mastery of the subject, matters most. At least to me. So maybe he will be one with a messy office when he is older. That seems likely. It's not like he comes from a house where things are neat and organized. We certainly will work on it but I want a bit of breathing room on it because he's not going to do a night and day transformation.

Beth

[hbridge]

I totally understand the need for time to help him determine the best way to make it work for himself. However, this is simply "high honors", not getting it may just help him.

As we wait for our own child's diagnosis, I keep thinking back to a family member that I was told was "disabled" due to ADHD (and ONLY ADHD). From the point of diagnosis on, the family gave this child an excuse from all expectations. As an adult, this has NOT served any of them well...

So while I understand your frustration, especially since I'm of the camp of "why is organization tied into honor roll? If he can get the grades isn't that enough?"; if the school includes these things in their determination, that's the way it is. Personally, I wouldn't address this with the school, just discuss it with your child in at matter-of-fact manner and not make a big deal out of it. He's doing his very best and earning good grades, that's all that matters!

[SnuggleBuggles]

But, he wants to be recognized for his good grades and he doesn't see areas to improve on with organization. :P I don't use his an excuse for anything but this I am willing to. He's in 4th grade. There are expectations upon him and he meets most all of them. I'm comfortable (as are most others so far) with having the chat. I plan to start the approach looking for suggestions to improve from his teachers as well as just touching bas about his 504 plan because I have not met with her about that nor anyone else at the school this year. It's just good to check in and make sure we are on the same page. I'm going to advocate for him while he is still little. The adult stuff...he can figure that out.

Beth

[hbridge]

That approach sounds reasonable ! I'm sorry if I lectured, I just see too many people using diagnoses as an excuse to not reach their full potential...

[SnuggleBuggles]

I've seen that too. I just don't think I am "that" mom. I rarely, rarely bring up the dx to him or anyone.

Beth

[missym]

I may be the voice of dissent, BUT we have already vowed that NO MATTER WHAT the diagnosis, the expectations on DC are the same as we would have for any other child! ...

I totally understand your frustration, I do. BUT, as we help our children prepare for their future, it's important to make sure that we don't give them excuses...

There is a difference IMO between expectations in terms of academic achievement and adaptation to differing learning styles, levels of organizational skills, etc. All the kids in the class who are able to need to master the same academics. But they don't necessarily need to do it in the same way. If differering needs can be supported, better achievement can occur. For example, our DD needs to get up and move around more frequently than some of her peers, and expecting her to sit quietly for extended periods without interruption like her classmates could (as happened last year) is detrimental to her learning. Last year's teacher didn't get that; this year's does.

[Gena]

I may be the voice of dissent, BUT we have already vowed that NO MATTER WHAT the diagnosis, the expectations on DC are the same as we would have for any other child! We will do all we can to help manage whatever the issue is, but the expectations at home and school are the same! The world doesn't care about your child's diagnosis and not making high honors in grade school may just give him the incentive to figure out strategies that work for him that will help him in the areas that he is "struggling".

I totally understand your frustration, I do. BUT, as we help our children prepare for their future, it's important to make sure that we don't give them excuses...

I don't know your situation, your child's age or (potential) diagnosis, but I think this is very short-sighted. It's certainly not an approriate approach for every diagnosis. Adjusting expections based on a realistic understanding of a child's needs and abilities is NOT the same things as using a diagnoses as an excuse.

One of my son's current teachers told us that it is her goal to have him "be like a typical child". That is an unrealistic and unobtainable goal for him. Her ideas that she can somehow discipline his diagnosis out of him have turned my happy, thriving child into a miserable, lost little boy.

The idea that the world doesn't care about a child's (or an adult's) diagnosis is a reason to change the world, not a reason to try to force my child to be something he's not (a typical child).

[hbridge]

I don't know your situation, your child's age or (potential) diagnosis, but I think this is very short-sighted. It's certainly not an approriate approach for every diagnosis. Adjusting expections based on a realistic understanding of a child's needs and abilities is NOT the same things as using a diagnoses as an excuse.

One of my son's current teachers told us that it is her goal to have him "be like a typical child". That is an unrealistic and unobtainable goal for him. Her ideas that she can somehow discipline his diagnosis out of him have turned my happy, thriving child into a miserable, lost little boy.

The idea that the world doesn't care about a child's (or an adult's) diagnosis is a reason to change the world, not a reason to try to force my child to be something he's not (a typical child).

I agree, and anyone who tries to put my child in a mold will be sorely dissappointed because it WILL NOT happen. However, if part of obtaining an award is having good marks in organization and a child does not (for whatever reason) then they shouldn't get the award. I totally believe that children should be allowed to stand, figit, ect as long as they are not distracting other students and are getting their own work done Yes, some reasonable accomodations should be made, BUT IMO grades, awards, ect. should be based on the same criteria for ALL students; even those with differences! If that difference is preventing the award or high grade (and doesn't make complete sense as stated by OP), we should be trying to change the criteria, not asking for special accomodations for one particular student.

Again, this is my opinion based on what I have seen within the school system and within my extended family.

[JTsMom]

There is a difference IMO between expectations in terms of academic achievement and adaptation to differing learning styles, levels of organizational skills, etc. All the kids in the class who are able to need to master the same academics. But they don't necessarily need to do it in the same way. If differering needs can be supported, better achievement can occur. For example, our DD needs to get up and move around more frequently than some of her peers, and expecting her to sit quietly for extended periods without interruption like her classmates could (as happened last year) is detrimental to her learning. Last year's teacher didn't get that; this year's does.

I don't know your situation, your child's age or (potential) diagnosis, but I think this is very short-sighted. It's certainly not an approriate approach for every diagnosis. Adjusting expections based on a realistic understanding of a child's needs and abilities is NOT the same things as using a diagnoses as an excuse.

One of my son's current teachers told us that it is her goal to have him "be like a typical child". That is an unrealistic and unobtainable goal for him. Her ideas that she can somehow discipline his diagnosis out of him have turned my happy, thriving child into a miserable, lost little boy.

The idea that the world doesn't care about a child's (or an adult's) diagnosis is a reason to change the world, not a reason to try to force my child to be something he's not (a typical child).

Well said ladies. Gena, I'm so sorry. That mindset is maddening, to say the least. I hope that someday, people will understand that these conditions are just like any other disability in the sense that it is a real condition, and that willpower is not a cure.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I agree, and anyone who tries to put my child in a mold will be sorely dissappointed because it WILL NOT happen. However, if part of obtaining an award is having good marks in organization and a child does not (for whatever reason) then they shouldn't get the award. I totally believe that children should be allowed to stand, figit, ect as long as they are not distracting other students and are getting their own work done Yes, some reasonable accomodations should be made, BUT IMO grades, awards, ect. should be based on the same criteria for ALL students; even those with differences! If that difference is preventing the award or high grade (and doesn't make complete sense as stated by OP), we should be trying to change the criteria, not asking for special accomodations for one particular student.

Again, this is my opinion based on what I have seen within the school system and within my extended family.

I was almost with you before but you lost me again. I don't think the same criteria needs to be met. He (and other kids) have student plans that are modified to take dx into consideration. He has special seating (f we want) and other things in place to help him succeed. I think that this is another area, organization, that may need to be addressed for my kid and his goals may need to be modified from the "typical" kid.

Beth