If a good friend forgot your birthday....

[alien_host]

would it bother you?

A good friend of mine that I see almost daily (even twice a day) forgot my birthday. Since I've known her (several years) she has remembered and even given me a card/small gift. This year my birthday came and went and she didn't say anything. It's been several days now. I saw her that morning and afternoon. I wasn't expecting a gift, but a simple acknowledgement would have been nice or e-mail/text. I keep thinking it might dawn on her and she'll say, "oh my goodness I totally flaked and forgot".

For her last birthday, I got her a card/gift and I called her that day to take her out to lunch. So we've made it a point to acknowledge each other's birthdays. And she is very much a "calendar" person - everything gets recorded on her calendar and she lives/dies by it. I'm guessing it didn't get transposed onto her 2012 one?

It hasn't come up, my feeling is that I just have to let it go. I mean there is nothing I could say that wouldn't make her feel bad, and I don't want to do that. I thought about maybe if she asked me what I did over the weekend I could casually say, "we went out for dinner for my birthday", but even that seemed weird/awkward and it didn't really come up in conversatation.

I know people get busy and things get forgotten, but I still feel kind of bothered by it.

BUT if you forgot someone's birthday would you want to know? I don't really expect many people to remember my birthday, to be honest, family and like 1-2 friends that I see regularly.

(it put it in BP since I know it seems silly for a 40 something person to be bothered by this and I was hoping that typing it out would make me realize that!)

[SnuggleBuggles]

Happy Birthday!

She'll remember and feel badly enough soon. I am terrible unless I write it down. And, if the day gets cluttered on my calendar (I'm a paper calendar girl), I might miss it. I almost did that this year.

[twowhat?]

I think you'd have to let it go. I definitely wouldn't remind her and would only mention it in passing if the conversation warrants it "Oh yeah that night we were at XXX for my bday".

I am certain I've forgotten good friends' bdays. In fact I really don't remember birthdays unless I see it on FB!

I do think you are completely allowed to feel bad about it. Happy birthday!

[wencit]

I'm also a very "calendar" person, too, but sometimes I'm so busy or distracted that I'll see something written down and just TOTALLY space on it. It's like my mind has seen it so many times (my paper calendar is hung on the refrigerator door) that it almost becomes background noise. I could totally see this situation happening to me, even though I'm usually very good about birthdays and important dates. She may remember and then feel too embarrassed and awkward about it to bring it up at a later date.

Hope you had a happy birthday anyways!

[♥ms.pacman♥]

well you have every right to be bothered by it (happy birthday btw!). but If i forgot a good friend's birthday, i definitely would not want her to remind me of it. it would make me feel like a rotten person, and i would feel really put on the spot. I agree with PP that she might have remembered but didn't have time to get a gift, and feels embarrassed about it. It could be she's trying to surprise you with something later...you never know!

i am horrible about remembering people's birthdays. i don't remember things unless it's on facebook. and even then, i mean to say congrats and then get distracted so easily with the kids.

[maiaann]

Yes, honestly, I'd be sad. I'm sensitive & I'd be hurt if a close friend forgot my birthday. I'm also a birthday person and DH finds it freakish that I remember absolutely everybody's. (He doesn't even remember his own parents' or sister's birthdays and I have to remind him every year.) Since you said she's always remembered, I'd try to let it go. Next time you see her or talk to her, maybe you can say something subtle - along the lines of - "for my birthday last week, DH and I..." That's how I would handle it. I'm sorry she forgot. I hope you had a good one!

[cvanbrunt]

Not in the least, but I'm not a birthday person at all. I know my immediate family's but that's it. I have a vague sense of in-laws, nieces, etc. I don't know when my friends have birthdays. I'm just of the mind that once you are older than 18, it's just not a big deal. My family feels the same way, birthdays are for kids. If my friends are hurt by that, then they need to tell me a week ahead of time so I can remember and say something. Otherwise, it's just not on my radar. I'm happy to celebrate, do something nice, whatever; but it's just not something I pay attention to if you are an adult. Kid, yes. I know my friends children's birthday's.

If it is important to you, then it is perfectly reasonable to be sad, especially since she's has acknowledged it in the past. In general I think you have to let people know that it's important to you so they have a chance to do something nice. Next year maybe mention to your friend that your birthday is next week and you'd love to celebrate with a coffee date? I'm not sure that telling her she forgot would accomplish anything other than making her feel bad.

[alien_host]

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I happened to talk with my friend today, I really think that she totally spaced and forgot. Like I said before, I don't feel I can say anything since she would feel bad and I DON'T want that!

I'm really not the "drop the hint" the week before kind of person. We both are "birthday" people, but I think she just forgot. Perhaps it will occur to her at some point and I can deal with that then if she chooses to mention it. I'm sure I'll say "oh no biggie!".

I had a great day anyway and had plans with family. It just was odd since it is totally not like her to forget and it's was more awkward that I saw her in person that day, but it's time to move on!

[karstmama]

this doesn't happen to me because i'm a totally in-yer-face birthday-er. i mean, how else is the workplace gonna know & get me a cake?

i think you handled it right. she spaced it, try to forgive, remind her somehow a week before next year.

[khm]

Maybe she's just "not that into birthdays" anymore? I used to be, big time. Over the last few years though, I just let it go and don't really bother with cards and small gifts anymore. It just got to be too much!