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  1. #21
    HIU8 is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    DC Suburbs


    My DS is totally opposite. He is a HUGE sensory avoider. He hates hugs and kisses and being touched (although he is much better about it now). He also had (and still has to some extent) epic meltdowns. I went about things in a different way (b/c I did not know any better). We started with a social worker to help DH and I parent better. Social worker sent us to a child psych. Child psych said she felt DS's issues were neurological an psychological. Off we went to the OT and finally to a developmental ped. We started at age 3.5 and by age 5.5 DS had an ADHD diagnosis with SPD. Dealing with DS everyday is HARD. Honestly it sucks all of our energy.
    I would definitely let them do an informal eval. Depending on what they find I would probably go the next step to a developental ped.

    DS 2004
    DD 2007

  2. #22
    JTsMom is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Atlanta, GA


    It is HARD! No doubt!

    I'm another fan of starting with the dev. ped. after doing it the opposite way. The informal eval certainly couldn't hurt, but I would take what you think applies, and go from there.

    I also wanted to add that DS1's sensory issues are really similar to Gena's son's, and my DS also did a lot of the head-butting and crashing. Some proactive roughhousing with DH helps, so does crashing and jumping on the bed. Massage worked for a while, brushing helps some too. He also gets really easily overwhelmed, and when things get to that point, I try to make things as quiet and calm as possible. Sometimes the best thing I can do is to send him into another room, but I have to be clear it's not a timeout, but just a "calm down and regroup" thing. I don't put a time limit, and just kind of let him do his thing.

    We've done a lot of experimenting with diet, and I think the Feingold program is an excellent place to start if you have any interest in going that route. (Have we talked about that before? I seem to remember you posting in one of those threads, but can't remember the details. Or maybe I'm imaginging it. lol) That's one thing you can try while you wait for appointments, and it's not as difficult as some might think. Several of us here have had good luck with it.

    The techniques jren described are what works here too. I have to be really careful in how I respond, and it has taken me a looong time to figure it out. The conventional techniques really tend to backfire. I have to almost totally avoid any type of punishment, watch the way I use positive reinforcement, and really have to look at my role as a support person, if that makes sense. I have to keep telling myself that he's not doing the things he does b/c he wants to. It's tough though. The fastest way to shut down most meltdowns here is an offer of a hug. It sounds crazy, but a lot of times DS comes accross as angry when really he's sad, scared or embarassed. When it gets through to him that I'm on his side, it's like someone flipped a switch. On the other hand, sometimes he's just an average 6 yr old who's doing something to get a rise out of me, or just b/c he wants to, and it's hard to know when that's really the case, so it's a bit of a guessing game. I still have a LOT to learn, for sure.
    Mom to Jason 05/05
    and Zachary 05/10

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2002


    Quote Originally Posted by hillview View Post
    Ok this is really interesting. He is VERY physical. Runs into you. Head butts into your belly. Jumps on you. I must say gentil 100 times a day. To balance that he is also very snuggly some times and likes touching/kissing.
    First off hugs to you! I completely hear you and your frustrations (and have been there)!!! An interesting book (I know a ton have been recommended and you can only read so much but bear with me) is The Sensory Sensitive Child: Practical Solutions for Out of Bounds Behavior. Out of Sync Child (and the others in that series like Out of Sync Child has Fun) is also good for explaining sensory stuff if that is a concern. Most of all I wanted to give you some encouragement. I am not on often these days and am guessing that this process is moving. I hope that you are finding some light to be shed on how to help your ds.
    All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
    ~Abraham Lincoln~

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2010


    I just came across this thread and it sounds like it's my DS that you are writing about. He turns 5 in April and we've had behavior and sleep issues since day 1. I've gotten a lot of great ideas from this thread (and others in the SN forum) regarding similar issues. Your success with a weighted blanket makes me want to buy one tonight. My DS is up several times a night, often getting in to bed with us while we sleep. Almost every night, I wake up to find him next to me. Your experience gives me hope.

    Did you find that your DS's behavior improved with better sleep? Has he been diagnosed with anything? My DS was evaluated a while ago (maybe 2 yrs ago?) and nothing came of it - no official dx that is, just that he was a challenging child. Since then, we've consulted with a psychologist and she brought up the possibility of ADD but said she wouldn't make that diagnosis at his young age.

    Parenting him is the hardest thing I've ever done. Just reading this thread (and others in this forum) are comforting. It feels very isolating, especially when so many friends have "easy" kids.
    DS 2008
    DD 2010
    DS 2014

  5. #25
    LBW is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Mar 2004


    I can completely sympathize since, to some degree, my youngest was/is like this. He's a little over 5 now, and has improved significantly in the past year. When he was 3-4 years old, I felt like you do now. His behavior affected everyone in the family.

    With my son, a lot of it is sensory stuff. We couldn't afford "real" OT, so we did a lot of Little Gym classes and other physical activity. The weighted blanket was a lifesaver because it helped him sleep. Once he was sleeping better, a lot of the angry and impulsive behavior improved.

    One suggestion I have for you that I wish someone had told be about is that you can request an evaluation through your public school district. He may qualify for certain services (including OT, depending on your state/district) through them.

    Another thought is to switch up which parent does what. Bedtime was extremely difficult for me, so my husband started taking care of it. I would just go to another part of the house. So, maybe have your husband take care of school drop off?
    living a crazy life with 3 boys

    In the personal life, there is
    always grief more than enough,
    a heart-load for each of us
    on the dusty road. I suppose
    there is a reason for this, so I will be
    patient, acquiescent. But I will live
    nowhere except here, by Ocean, trusting
    equally in all the blast and welcome
    of her sorrowless, salt self.
    ~Mary Oliver

  6. #26
    hillview's Avatar
    hillview is offline Blue Diamond level (20,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    New England


    wow old thread. Well fast forward a year and DS2 is much the same. A weighted blanket helped a lot with sleep (a lot better not perfect). Sleep helps to a degree. We are getting him evaluated for ADHD and other behavioral issues. I have the school therapist working with us. I have been observing his class the last 3 weeks (total mess there). So it is still a work in progress!
    DS #1 Summer 05
    DS #2 Summer 07

  7. #27
    inmypjs is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2005


    Hope it gets better and that you find more answers. Have you ever looked at the book "The Mislabled Child"? I just had a chance to hear the author, Dr. Brock Eide, speak. It was about dyslexia, but it made me go back and review that book that he and his wife wrote. It's such a great book to help people sort out what is going on. I still find it helpful. One thing that struck me in the book was their assertion that ADHD diagnoses have become more common because that term is "swallowing" more and more symptoms, and that the diagnosis is almost entirely based on observations. They aren't saying no one has ADHD, just that for many kids there are other deeper things going on.

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