How long pp until you allow extended stay guests?

[amldaley]

I spoke with DH as soon as he got home from work the day he told me they were coming, and guess what.....they booked the flight before even talking with us. He says they figured it didn't matter since they were sleeping at FIL's. So nice. And The baby is and has been breech for the last two months. So there is a possibility it won't turn and I will have a c-section. MIL will cook while here, but only food IL's like which is usually stuff I don't like. Normally I eat what I like and pick at the rest so as not to make a big deal, but if I'm nursing I want food I like gosh dang it! Not to mention DS has food allergies, which they don't "get", so we'll have to make him a separate meal anyway. I'm going to try and make the best out of the situation but I really don't see it going well as far as people helping us settle in. Hopefully we'll be in a routine when they get here and H stands up for me. I'm sure there'll be a BP come out of this one

Ugh. Honestly, you are far more gracious and selfless than I would be in the situation. WHY do they have to be at your house all day, eat meals at your house, be entertained at your house, etc? Why can't they do that at FIL's? Why can't they go out and find something to do?

[Tobermory]

i agree with amldaley. i think this is impossibly insensitive of your ILs... my parents are from germany and came over shortly after birth, and even though they helped it was stressful. can't your hubby talk to them and kinda tell them they can only come over for brief visits? i'd certainly put my foot down... sorry you have to deal with this situation in the first place.

[mctlaw]

On your behalf, I cannot believe the gall of these people! I agree that since they are not staying with you overnight, you can't really dictate their purchase of plane tickets. However, can you expand a little on how it is they get you to cook for them and cater to their every whim?! Because that really should not be happening in this case (if ever!) and maybe we here on the BBB can help you with a little role play.

For example, do they ask you what's for dinner, or say they are sure getting hungry? In the first situation, I would practice a blank stare or laugh hysterically as if the very thought must be a joke. In the latter case, I would say you are hungry as well, ask them to go out and pick you and your DH something, seeing as you have not had a chance to even shower, grocery shop, or do anything for yourself, what with caring for a newborn and all.

Are they simply sitting around your house all day watching tv, or what? I would practice with DH, and have him do most of this, but simply say, well we have really enjoyed seeing you, but we need to nap while baby is napping. If you can give some more details maybe we can come up with something else for you!

[daisymommy]

Oh good golly no. I would have a mental breakdown, freak everyone out, and then they would have to leave

My mom comes in to town the day before my due date, and stays for 2 weeks. BUT that is because she is my dearest friend, a former nurse, and takes care of my entire family and household like a first-class nanny/housekeeper while I sleep, nurse, and recover.

After that, my IL's arrive for a week (but between you and me, I wish they would wait, but they won't). They at least will try to supervise the kids (but are kind of clueless as to how to do that...I just lay on the couch and ignore the ruckus), and will pick up carry-out each night while they are here. They at least *try* even if it's not how I would do things. They would never expect me to entertain them or do things for them.

Honestly, I would force myself to be hands off, and let them deal with it. If they want to come so soon, then just tell them when they arrive "I'm so glad you're here! I could certainly use the help. It's really tough recovering from birth and adjusting to having a brand new baby." Then lay low, and let them entertain themselves. Maybe they will get so bored they will leave the house and go find something else fun to do?

Then when meal time rolls around, just don't say anything. If they say they're hungry, pull out a stack of carryout menus, or tell them where the nearest grocery store is "if they feel like cooking something instead" --hint hint.

It stinks though that they aren't cooking you nice healthy things that you want though. What about some yummy freezer meals that will feed a crowd, but you still like? Like meats & chicken in marinades for the grill, large casserole dishes, etc. Either make them before the baby arrives or pick some up from a dinner kitchen. Then you could say it's all in the freezer, and your DH could direct them to grill/heat it up?

I'm sorry you're putting up with this. Everyone showed up from out of state 1 week after the birth of my first, without our permission!!! I still get ticked off just thinking about it.

[MSWR0319]

Thanks for the commiseration! I definitely will have some meals in the freezer, especially for this visit. I was planning on freezing some for DH, DS, and I, so I'll make sure to have some larger ones in the freezer as well. I've told DH we will be using paper plates,etc which I know will not go over well with MIL, but tough. I've tried talking to DH a bit more about it and he doesn't seem to think its a big deal being pp with so many visitors. He's not one to stand up to his family and doesn't like to ruffle feathers so if he says anything at all to them when I bring something up it'll be a miracle. They really just don't get it. I dont think they're intentionally being inconsiderate. SIL/BIL went away 6 days after having my niece because they needed to "get away" and left her with her 75 yo grandparents. All I can say, is please pray that I have patience!!

[swissair81]

My in laws came from Switzerland after I had my last 2. I couldn't really say no, because my in laws never see my kids. I did stipulate that I wasn't lifting a finger. I put meals in the freezer before and then put DH in charge of everything concerning his parents. It was not. my. problem.

[hillview]

I'd set expectations up front that you won't really be up to hosting and that they should expect that you and the baby need to disappear for a few hours at a time to feed and nap. Sorry that stinks!
/hillary