Sigh.

[inmypjs]

I really don't know what else to title this. I'm just feeling stuck, kind of frustrated, kind of confused. DH and I had a meeting at DS's school today. It was us, his teacher, the reading specialist, his OT, the vice principal and the school psych. The purpose was to discuss ideas for additional support services for DS, before we officially update his IEP.

Everyone was very nice and professional. I do believe they want to help DS, and the meeting was pleasant enough. But I'm just frustrated by how long everything takes. Despite the private testing report we supplied, which provides test results and diagnoses, they still must "prove" he qualifies for additional help in certain areas (math and writing). Everyone admitted there isn't much doubt that he'll qualify, but of course they have to collect data to prove it. It really isn't time intensive or anything for DS, but they have to collect data over a 4 week period. This puts us meeting next in early April, and I'm guessing it will probably be mid-April before anything really happens. The school year ends at the end of May.

Also, while they are allowing the reading specialist to use the reading methods from DS's Davis dyslexia program, they weren't very open to other techniques taught by this program, or other methods I've researched that work well with dyslexics. Bottom line is, DS will probably eventually be pulled for more intensive help in a more individualized or small group setting, but the curriculum will remain the same. We keep asking ourselves - if the school curriculum hasn't been working for him, and the only gains he's made this year happened with the Davis Dyslexia program, how is doing more of the school curriculum going to help? I asked if I might come to school for a bit each day to do some of these methods with him, but they stated this qualifies as parental tutoring and is not permitted. I guess that makes sense, but my only agenda is to do these methods with him without taking any additional resources. By the time we get to this work after school, he is ready to play and just be a kid. I hate having to make him do all of this extra stuff because it can't get incorporated into his school day.

We are really thinking about homeschooling with dual enrollment (sending DS in the afternoon for specials) but it's kind of scary. DH has some uncertainty with his job, I work part time, and we'll have to talk about how all this will look.

I guess that's all...I can't even think of how to conclude my thoughts! Hopefully we'll get some clarity soon. Thanks for readng.

[wellyes]

You're doing all the right things. Hang in there.

[Uno-Mom]

So, even the reading specialist was reluctant? Bummer.

Were you able to get at the real source of their reluctance? Was it that they have other techniques they really do expect to help, or that they're just untrained in the ones you suggest, or that they just can't summon up the effort to try something individualized for your son? Maybe if you can dig down to the source, you can start chipping away at it. It really does stink.

I have a long day of school meetings ahead of me tomorrow! I'm on the consultant side of the table but still....sigh.

[JTsMom]

That sounds so frustrating.

[Gena]

Hugs. That's really frustrating.

Here's a plan of action:

Read "From Emotions to Advocacy" If possible, read it during this 4-week data gathering period.

Find out if your school district has a Special Education Parent Mentor or Parent Advocate to help you prepare for IEP meetings and understand the hidden culture of the school. If your district does not have one, check with local support groups.

Get copies off all the data the school collects, evals they have done, evals you have done privately, and the data from your Davis program facilitator. Make some pretty (simple) graphs that show how much progress your DS has made using their program and how much using the Davis program.

Remember that according to the law that your child is entitled to a "Free and Appropriate Education". This is really important. By law, your child is not entitled to the best education or to an education that maximized his potential, but an "appropriate education". So this is the way you must frame all of your discussions with the school personnel. Do NOT argue that certain programs or curricula are the "best" for your child. You need to show the school personnel that the program you want is the "most appropriate". Use your data and research to back this up.

But, you can't just ram your data and research down their throats. You have to play nice and still let the school personnel be the experts. (For me, personally, this is the really hard part. I have to bite my tongue a lot. I lose patience and argue too much.) The book I recommended goes into detail about how to do this. (Are you old enough to remember Detective Columbo? He is a perfect example of how to deal with the school personnel.)

Of course, none of this guarantees that you will get the outcome that you want. But it gives you a little more control over what happens at the meetings and a better chance at getting what you know your child needs.

ETA: We are going through a rough time with the school right now too. We are getting ready to do DS's IEP for next year and this year has been such a disaster that DH and I have a lot of bad feelings about the whole process. So I totally get how frustrated you are. Right now we are struggling with how to but that frustration aside and how to regain trust in the school system. If DH and I did hove to both work full time, I would just pull DS out and homeschool. Unfortunately, that's not an option for us right now. We are also doing afterschool work with DS too in order to make up what can't be incorporated into his day. It is really hard to make him do extra work after he has been in school all day and then after-school childcare.

[crl]

Right there with you. Our district is refusing to even perform an evaluation for eligibility on ds, despite a letter from his physiatrist confirming the ADHD diagnosis and recommending further evaluation for other learning disabilities and recommending services, such as pull out for areas of academic difficulty.



Catherine

[Gena]

Right there with you. Our district is refusing to even perform an evaluation for eligibility on ds, despite a letter from his physiatrist confirming the ADHD diagnosis and recommending further evaluation for other learning disabilities and recommending services, such as pull out for areas of academic difficulty.

That's terrible.

Did the school at least notify you of your due process rights?

http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/add.eval.ocrmemo.htm

[crl]

That's terrible.

Did the school at least notify you of your due process rights?

http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/add.eval.ocrmemo.htm

Yep. We are trying to decide our next steps. It is so frustrating to me. I think we will probably file for a hearing, but am not sure if we will proceed with private evaluations in the meantime. And I don't think we will invest in a lawyer at this point.

And I so hear the OPer on the school wanting to just do more of the same when it doesn't seem to be working. It just doesn't seem like a radical concept that if a kid isn't getting it, maybe you need to try a different approach. Grrrr.

Catherine

[Gena]

Yep. We are trying to decide our next steps. It is so frustrating to me. I think we will probably file for a hearing, but am not sure if we will proceed with private evaluations in the meantime. And I don't think we will invest in a lawyer at this point.

And I so hear the OPer on the school wanting to just do more of the same when it doesn't seem to be working. It just doesn't seem like a radical concept that if a kid isn't getting it, maybe you need to try a different approach. Grrrr.

Catherine

It's all so frustrating and disheartening when the school works against you and your child.

I can't believe your school is refusing to do an eval.

Our issue is more of the school stopping what has been shown to work for DS and reducing his services. We're fighting tooth and nail to keep the services he needs. It's been a battle all year.

[crl]

It's all so frustrating and disheartening when the school works against you and your child.

I can't believe your school is refusing to do an eval.

Our issue is more of the school stopping what has been shown to work for DS and reducing his services. We're fighting tooth and nail to keep the services he needs. It's been a battle all year.

I know. I was expecting an inadequate evaluation and a refusal to find him eligible. I am a bit stunned that they refused to even do an evaluation. California. Sucks.

I am sorry you have been battling all year. Your son is lucky to have you all as parents. I know so many who lack the resources, etc to fight the good fight.

Catherine