Have you ever been to counseling with your spouse due to the stress of life with a SN child? I think DH and I are headed that direction---at the very least DH is. He has this view in his head of the fact that DS should have been NT and perfect (read compliant, quiet, never making any sort of trouble, understanding everything the first time, etc...). I can honestly say that DH hates having a SN child. He simply cannot deal with it. He loses his temper with DS pretty much daily. He can't stand DS's quirks. He only wants to deal with what he deems is normal for a kid. Heck, he doesn't believe me when I tell him that some of DS's behavior is age appropriate (DS is 7 and some of his behavior is right on target for his age). DH is getting stuff from his mother saying that he was a perfectly compliant child who never did anything bad, ate all foods,etc... Then she tells me that she used the grip of death on DH when he would not listen (read: indian burn) and used to turn on the vaccuum cleaner to drown DH out at night.

DS always has to have something in his hands (usually legos). DH lost it tonight when DS would not put his legos down to brush his teeth. Now, I have no issues with DS needing to hold something. We normally brush his teeth b/c DS does a lousy job and the dentist told us we need to be helping him for awhile longer. I don't understand why DH can't just go with it and let DS do what he needs to do to feel secure and not anxious. Honestly, all the therapy we are doing for DS is not going to do a darn thing if DH undoes it when he can't handle things.

I just don't know what to do at this point. My immediate concern is for the welfare of DS right now (over and above the commitment I made to DH). I'm prepared for counseling. I'm also prepared to go a step further and remove DH and DS from one another (yes, I would end my marriage over this).