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  1. #1
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    Default Pediatrician and Bringing baby home questions

    Im going to apologize in advance, because since this will be my first baby and my first adoption I have a bunch of questions. Especially since it is t-minus 87 days till the baby's due date and I just got matched last week!

    Since I'm doing a private adoption, I'm anticipating that after the BM signs surrenders and before the adoption is finalized, that the baby will be on Medicaid? Will I get a document when I leave with hospital with him to show that I'm his adoptive mother and that I can bring him to the doctors? I know that sounds so silly, but for some reason I'm very stressed out about this issue.

    Also apparently in my state (Florida) they recommend not doing the circumcision in the hospital, has anyone else dealt with that?

    What did you do regarding all of the family and friends wanting to come over? I'm nervous that I won't get any time to bond with the baby until we get home and I don't want to hurt my family or friends feelings but I also want to be able to spend some one on one time with him (if all goes well and I get to bring him home). Since I'm adopting as a single mom, my parents are coming with me to the birth city and my mom is going to stay with me for a few days when we get home, but in regards to all the aunts/uncles/cousins/great grandparents, what should I do? I know this is a shock to them to and they arent getting much time to digest the fact that a baby is coming in less than 3 months.

    I really want to have a day or two with the baby once I get home and have only one or two people over at a time, but how do I do that without offending someone? I don't want to be crazy but I want to make sure that he bonds with me before he starts getting passed around by the family members, does that make me a bad person or just a worry wort?

    Sorry for the random stream of questions! And thank you in advance for your advice!
    I'm adopting! I've been matched with a DS due 09/12!!!

  2. #2
    rin is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    I don't have any experience with adopting/Medicaid, so I'll leave that question for someone with more experience, but I wanted to say something about the bonding time thing.

    I don't think your concerns are all that different from those of a non-adoptive parent. I recall being overwhelmed by all the family "support" after DD1 was born, and probably my biggest regret is that I wasn't more confident in standing up for our family and the time we wanted/needed to adjust to being parents. With all the clarity of hindsight, etc, I would say that you should feel totally ok with just telling everyone that you can't wait to introduce them to your son, but of course you know they understand that you want to have a few days to adjust yourself, you'll be home on X date, and you'll be happy to have visitors on Y date. If people give you grief, just repeat that you need to have a few days to get situated yourself, and you'll be happy to have visitors starting on whatever day you pick. Sticking up for my family time/boundaries has been one of the most important lessons for me!

    Depending on how many people you think will want to meet him, you might want to consider throwing a super low-key "meet the baby" party (like, lemonade & cupcakes (with all paper dishes, of course) in the backyard for an hour and a half.) If you have a large family, that might be easier than having a constant stream of people for weeks.

  3. #3
    Liziz is online now Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
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    I don't know anything about the insurance/Medicaid question, so can't help there, sorry.

    Regarding bonding with your baby....I agree with rin that the bonding/visitor thing is probably the same whether it's a bio baby or you adopt. You're smart to want some one-on-one time with him before being deluged with visitors, and you shouldn't feel bad about it at all. I suggest telling people in advance that "you'll let them know when you're ready" for visitors, so people don't just drop by. Then, when you're feeling ready to start showing off your little one, you can let people know.

    Another thing that may help is just to limit the time that people come over. If your mom has the right personality for it, appoint her to be the one who kicks people out when needed...or don't feel bad doing it yourself. Something like "well, thanks so much for coming over, I'm so glad you got to meet DS. I need to be getting him down for a nap now, so we'll have to get together again another time". I found that when DD was so new, I liked having visitors early on, but only in small doses.
    Lizi
    DD1 2012
    DD2 2015

  4. #4
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    My friend was placed with a baby with virtually no notice and felt much the same way. She has a very large family in the area so she sent FB announcements and emails saying she and DH were enjoying their bonding time and they would be having an "open house" on ___ day from 12-4 for people to drop in whenever they could, have a snack and meet their new edition. Her mom and SIL made punch, donuts, cookies and veggies/dip so very simple. It was so nice b/c it was very casual, people came and went throughout the afternoon, and it let everyone know exactly when was a good time for a visit without her saying "no visitors" for the first week. She had the open house 1 1/2 - 2 weeks after baby, but sent the emails out pretty much immediately to keep people from dropping in earlier.

    Congratulations!
    Last edited by specialp; 07-04-2012 at 10:43 PM.

  5. #5
    Gena's Avatar
    Gena is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Check your medical insurance policy (your agent or your employer's benefits coordinator). Some policies cover an adoptive child from the day the child is placed in your home, rather than starting coverage at finalization.

    I think the idea of having a low-key "open house" for family and friends is really good.
    Gena

    DS, age 11 and always amazing

    “Autistics are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It's that you're destroying the peg." - Paul Collins, Not Even Wrong

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gena View Post
    Check your medical insurance policy (your agent or your employer's benefits coordinator). Some policies cover an adoptive child from the day the child is placed in your home, rather than starting coverage at finalization.

    I think the idea of having a low-key "open house" for family and friends is really good.

    on both counts!

    With my insurance, my DD was covered the day of placement, when she was only my foster child. Any other foster child, amazingly, can also be added to my insurance. However, I'm in Oregon, and once a child in Oregon has been a foster child, they remain eligible for Medicaid until they are 18yo. I could add $1000 onto my deductible, or I could keep her on state insurance. Not a difficult choice when money is REALLY tight right now!

    As far as having something saying that you have the legal ability to bring the baby to the doctor, every office I've ever worked in didn't know they were supposed to even ask for such a piece of paper In other words, if you don't have it, don't sweat it, just let them know you are in the middle of an adoption, and they will accept that as "proof" that you can take him to the doctor.

    I also agree that texts/emails/calls going out about a small "Welcome Baby" open house would be most ideal. Then you can plan it for when the baby is a few weeks old (when you've mastered breast or bottle feeding, diapering, burping, etc), and everyone then has a general time where they know they are welcome to show up. I'd expect many unannounced guests anyway, but it should calm down the "Auntie Esther's daughter in law Cousin Estella and her daughter who just can't wait to meet the new addition to the family" types that tend to come out with a new baby
    --Mimi
    Mom to Lala (2004), Bonus Mom to Big Sis 1 (1991) and Big Sis 2 (1992)
    Grammy to Big Kindy Kid (2011), Big Pre-K Kid (2012),
    Grandbaby Appendage (2014), and New Baby Grandboy (summer 2017)

  7. #7
    icunurse is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    We received a letter from our agency stating that we were in the process of adopting a child and the expected finalization would be on/around xxx. We faxed that to our insurance company and never had any problems. At least in IL, it is law that a child is covered once placed in the home for the intent of adopting. Call you insurance to check, but I am pretty sure that is standard practice.

    Circ can be done is the hospital, but birthmom needs to give consent until rights are surrendered. After a certain age, circ goes from being something a pediatrician can do to needing a urologist and it becoming a hospital procedure. Depending on insurance, it might be covered in the hospital, but being done later by a urologist might be seen as more of a "elective procedure" and not be covered or covered fully. Again, check with your insurance. Not sure of your relationship with the potential birth mom, but maybe that is something that you or your lawyer can discuss beforehand? That was part of a long list of topics that our agency had us discuss with DS's birth mom prior to delivery.....

    I am pretty sure that we had a letter for doctor visits and traveling in case we ever needed it, but we never used it. We never had a problem getting any sort of medical care, even when we had to get tests or see specialists. I think that doctors understand that once you show up in the office, you are the parent, it's just a technicality of paperwork at that point.

    Everyone is different, but we only had immediate family over initially. Then, after week or so, some friends started trickling in. For our first, we had a shower/open house and that is when more friends and extended family met DS. For DD, we just eventually let people come when they wanted to after the first couple of weeks.

    For me, I found the third week to be the start of exhaustion. Prior to that, I was running on pure adrenaline and baby love. But then, when the reality of the adoption surrenders being signed and the steady flow of visitors slowed, I just crashed. Don't get me wrong, I still loved those 3am feelings, but all the stress and activity stopped. Then the real parts of parenting kicked in . You do what you feel is best for you and your child and don't be afraid to change things as needed if you decide that you need more rest or alone time. You have every right to limit or delay visits....both of you are going to have a lot of changes occurring in a very short time and you will need some time to just take it all in. And it is OK to take that time.

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    Thanks for all of the great advice ladies!!!

    Update: I called my insurance company and they told me I needed the court order of custody and the child's SS card. I reminded them that he will be like 3 days old and they said that if I show it has been ordered should be fine.

    Also I called my pediatrician group that I used when I was little and intend to use for my child and they were great. Basically they understand the circumstances and will work with me. The nurse I spoke with actually adopted her child so she was a great resource and told me that there should be no problems and if there are the pediatrician will work with me, which is such a relief! Also I talked to her about the circumcision and she said that when she got her son he was 8 months old and hadtnt been circumcised. She recommended a pediatric urology grou that I had heard about so i will likely be using them unless the birth mom agrees to have it done in the hospital.

    I have an appointment to meet with my childhood pediatrician (he must have been super young when he saw me, lol) to meet with him and get everything organized.

    Since the baby is being born a distance from my city, they said to call when the Bm goes into labor and then again when she signs surrenders and they would make the first appointment within about 48 hours.

    Thank you so much for helping to calm my stressed out mind!!!
    I'm adopting! I've been matched with a DS due 09/12!!!

  9. #9
    icunurse is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Check into the SS card criteria. I know our son had one applied for by his birth mom in the hospital, but it had his birth mom's maiden name. I honestly can't recall if DD even had a card applied for....I don't think that she did. Either way, SS cards have to be distributed according to the name on the birth certificate, so you can't get a card with his full name until after finalization. Additionally, if you think that there might be issues with the birth parents later on (if they have social issues, etc that are concerning), you might even choose to change the SS number to a new one so that they do not have access to it. We chose to keep the same numbers. After finalization, from application to receiving the card in the mail, it took about 6 weeks.

    Additionally, and I don't mean to overwhelm you, but if you end up not having a permanent SS number in time for taxes, you can apply for a temporary taxpayer ID. It allows you to claim your child on your taxes before you have a permanent card or finalization.

    Having fun yet?

  10. #10
    kmm is offline Copper level (50+ posts)
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    Sounds like you have gotten good advice. The nurses and doctors were wonderful at the hospital in our situations and they were the ones to call and make the babies first pediatrician visit.

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