Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    12

    Default Jealousy/aggression issue - 2.5 year old twins

    I am writing for advice with regards to my 2.5 year old boy-girl twins. They are in general very loving and playful with one another, but there seems to be an increase in the physical aggression of our son towards our daughter in the past few weeks - especially since she started potty training and we have been encouraging her (he is not interested/ready) - we think he feels "left out" or jealous of the attention she gets for this. He goes up to her and either pulls her hair or hits her on the head, and does it repeatedly, even after being put in time out and sternly told what he is doing wrong. My daughter does not usually react aside from crying (i.e. she does not display aggression towards him). It tends to happen shortly after she gets attention for something, but sometimes also happens when we aren't even in the room.
    We of course try to treat them equally and encourage both of them for their unique features, and have never compared one to the another. Just not sure what to do about this.... I feel like giving him attention in the form of talking to him/putting him in time out may only be encouraging the behavior further. I don't want to be less vocal with my encouragement of my daughter's potty progress or feel that she may not be as inclined to use the potty.
    Any suggestions for more appropriate punishment for my son? Or better ways to react to his behavior?

  2. #2
    twowhat? is offline Red Diamond level (10,000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    12,608

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by twinbabies View Post
    I am writing for advice with regards to my 2.5 year old boy-girl twins. They are in general very loving and playful with one another, but there seems to be an increase in the physical aggression of our son towards our daughter in the past few weeks - especially since she started potty training and we have been encouraging her (he is not interested/ready) - we think he feels "left out" or jealous of the attention she gets for this. He goes up to her and either pulls her hair or hits her on the head, and does it repeatedly, even after being put in time out and sternly told what he is doing wrong. My daughter does not usually react aside from crying (i.e. she does not display aggression towards him). It tends to happen shortly after she gets attention for something, but sometimes also happens when we aren't even in the room.
    We of course try to treat them equally and encourage both of them for their unique features, and have never compared one to the another. Just not sure what to do about this.... I feel like giving him attention in the form of talking to him/putting him in time out may only be encouraging the behavior further. I don't want to be less vocal with my encouragement of my daughter's potty progress or feel that she may not be as inclined to use the potty.
    Any suggestions for more appropriate punishment for my son? Or better ways to react to his behavior?
    You should re-post this in the lounge...this forum gets like zero traffic At that age I did a LOT of redirecting and just simply saying "no". I know some experts would say that saying No isn't enough and instead of using the word "No", replace it with a "yes" kind of sentence. "Pulling hair hurts. If you're frustrated, let's go find something else to do". When I tried that, it sometimes helps (I guess it helps to be told what they CAN do vs CAN'T). But honestly, there often wasn't much I could do. Twins fight A LOT and I don't blame them. It's hard having to share EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME with virtually no break. We try getting our twins out 1 on 1 (DH takes one to grocery, I take the other on a different errand) but even that is hard when family time is so precious.

    Anyway, this is one of those "power through" things, I think. Keep redirecting and and just try to get in as much individual twin time as you can.

  3. #3
    mikeys_mom is offline Sapphire level (2000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,030

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by twowhat? View Post
    At that age I did a LOT of redirecting and just simply saying "no". I know some experts would say that saying No isn't enough and instead of using the word "No", replace it with a "yes" kind of sentence. "Pulling hair hurts. If you're frustrated, let's go find something else to do". When I tried that, it sometimes helps (I guess it helps to be told what they CAN do vs CAN'T). But honestly, there often wasn't much I could do. Twins fight A LOT and I don't blame them. It's hard having to share EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME with virtually no break. We try getting our twins out 1 on 1 (DH takes one to grocery, I take the other on a different errand) but even that is hard when family time is so precious.

    Anyway, this is one of those "power through" things, I think. Keep redirecting and and just try to get in as much individual twin time as you can.
    That was pretty much our strategy as well. With us, it was constant biting. If it got really bad, and both DH and I were around, we'd try to separate the biter. But it is really hard to both administer a consequence and console the other twin at the same time.

    I think age 2.5 to 3 was when the biting got really bad. They are now 3.5 and it is much better. They do still fight (hit, bite, pinch, grab, etc...) but it is not as frequent as it was a year ago.

    We do make them apologize and hug and kiss afterwards. They don't really resist doing that and it is just about the sweetest thing in the world!

    Good luck!
    DS - 10
    DD - 8
    Twin Girls - 6

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •