I need help with this potentially awkward situation

[ZeeBaby]

I would not say anything to the host. Their party, their rules. I would go and leave right after dinner unless you have reason to believe that they will be smoking earlier then I would not attend since it clearly bothers you.

[wellyes]

Send belated regrets, or ignore it.

[TwinFoxes]

I wish I could decline the invitation. But we've already accepted. It's only now that I'm seeing the full guest list that I'm concerned this could get incorporated into the plans.

I think my best bet is probably going, perhaps quietly asking the host if there's an opportunity, and hoping for the best. Ugh.

How do you expect the host to control her guests behavior if they go outside? You're kind of putting her in an awkward position if policing her friends for something she and they don't have a problem with.

[rin]

I'd just give them a call & say something along the lines of "Hey, just noticed that A, B, & C are going to be there, & I wanted to check in with you about the pot smoking. We'd love to see everyone, but I really don't want my kids around pot smoke. Do you think everyone'll mind waiting until we leave, or should we just bow out?"

[sunnyside]

I would not go if you're not comfortable. I would not ask the host about it or expect anyone to change their behavior.

[wellyes]

I'd just give them a call & say something along the lines of "Hey, just noticed that A, B, & C are going to be there, & I wanted to check in with you about the pot smoking. We'd love to see everyone, but I really don't want my kids around pot smoke. Do you think everyone'll mind waiting until we leave, or should we just bow out?"

I think that puts the hosts in an awkward spot. I am an ethical vegetarian, but I don't tell my host they can't serve Honeybaked Ham. My mom doesn't drink, but she doesn't tell her hosts to chose between serving wine or having her attend. My husband is an atheist, but doesn't requests that Grace not be said before the meal.

Growing up, all my uncles and cousins used smokeless tobacco. It is just foul to have pop cans full of spit-out snuff all over the house. But to ask them to abstain never even occurred to me. It does teach you to really keep track of which beverage is yours..... We always went because it was family. Just with friends, when you're just going for pleasure? I think you'll be happier skipping, and seeing them another time.

[mommylamb]

I'd just give them a call & say something along the lines of "Hey, just noticed that A, B, & C are going to be there, & I wanted to check in with you about the pot smoking. We'd love to see everyone, but I really don't want my kids around pot smoke. Do you think everyone'll mind waiting until we leave, or should we just bow out?"

I'm pretty straightforward with things, so that's what I would do.

[OKKiddo]

I guess I'm an odd one because I would never be ok with something illegal going on around me, let alone around my children. Also, my parents (and whole family except for husband and I) are smokers and yet we've asked them to not smoke around the children when we come to visit. I don't think that's out of the realm of what you can and should ask for considering it's their health and safety. If my family ever objected, I would be ok with it because it is their home and we would stay in a hotel instead. However, when you bring something that is an illegal substance around, I would have a big problem and would likely avoid anyone who feels it's ok.

Call me a goody two shoes but that's how I feel.

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

[wellyes]

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

To that I say, let she who never had a sip of alcohol before age 21 -- or exceeded the speed limit while driving --- cast the first stone. (But I'm with you on the meth thing).

[fedoragirl]

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

I agree with your stance. However, it is not my job to police other ADULT behavior whether they choose to indulge in illegal/unhealthy behavior. It IS my job to protect my kids and therefore, I would not go. It's not worth it, IMO.
Moreover, what are you going to do about it? Report it to the police?