I need help with this potentially awkward situation

[OKKiddo]

To that I say, let she who never had a sip of alcohol before age 21 -- or exceeded the speed limit while driving --- cast the first stone. (But I'm with you on the meth thing).

Well yeah, because I was young, stupid, and thought I was invincible! Now I have responsibilities and have to be a grown up--but even then I didn't partake in any kind of drugs (and we don't drink now--that fell along the wayside as we got older which is good because I was the cheapest date you've ever seen and I hated the feeling of a "buzz").

[KpbS]

I would just email and thank them for the invite but let them know you won't be able to make it after all.

[MMMommy]

If you are not ok with what may or may not happen, don't go. Since you already accepted, I would just call and say someone in your family is sick. I think it would be impolite to try to dictate the "what" or the "when" for the host and their guests.

[buddyleebaby]

I have friends who use pot recreationally but they would not do so at Christmas dinner, and they definitely would not do so around children. I wouldn't even think to worry about it, honestly.

In your situation, I don't think I would say anything and just be prepared to leave if someone started smoking.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd have 0 problem with their activity (no worse than booze, IMO) but I think you need to excuse yourself bc its a deal breaker for you. You aren't in charge of the guest list and, IMO, can not make your request on activity. You dont like it then best not to go.

[megs4413]

I'm a total goody two-shoes and not ashamed at all about that. If I knew there was a chance someone would light up while my kids were there, I wouldn't go. simple as that.

I have wondered if this would become more and more of an issue now that legalization seems to be growing some legs in this country. I'm not sure what I think about an adult legally smoking on their own time/property, but I am also not sure how I would explain it to my kids. I'm not planning to preach "moderation" to the kids in terms of drugs.

[urbanmommy]

I grew up with parents who smoke pot and my dad and his friends still do. I don't imbibe but I know when I visit him with certain friends there'll be pot smoking going on. From experience I can say two things about pot smokers - they congregate in a group and they're generally mellow, reasonable people. So if it does seem like they're going to smoke and you said "hey guys, not around my kids please." They'd probably be responsive to that.

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[mommylamb]

I guess I'm an odd one because I would never be ok with something illegal going on around me, let alone around my children. Also, my parents (and whole family except for husband and I) are smokers and yet we've asked them to not smoke around the children when we come to visit. I don't think that's out of the realm of what you can and should ask for considering it's their health and safety. If my family ever objected, I would be ok with it because it is their home and we would stay in a hotel instead. However, when you bring something that is an illegal substance around, I would have a big problem and would likely avoid anyone who feels it's ok.

Call me a goody two shoes but that's how I feel.

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

But did anyone here condone smoking pot in front of kids? It seems to me that pretty much everyone either said, don't go, or, ask the host if she expected people would be smoking while you're there, and if so, don't go. I don't think anyone said, go and let your kids be around people who are stoned.

[#2ontheway]

I really appreciate all the feedback. You are all reflecting the internal debate I'm having.

I've decided to go and not say anything and hope for the best, and leave early (and gracefully) if things get awkward. And then I'll know to ask more questions for future gatherings to see if they're the right fit for our family.

[Pear]

Op, I have been invited to what I thought were regular afternoon bbqs, only to discover that the host and many of the guests are engaging in illegal activities. It can be very disconcerting, especially if you have a job with zero tolerance for any association with certain things. If it were me, I would make up a polite excuse and decline attendance. My experience says that when certain groups get together they lack the judgment to realize that they should be keeping certain activities private outside their inner circle