I need help with this potentially awkward situation

[TwinFoxes]

I guess I'm an odd one because I would never be ok with something illegal going on around me, let alone around my children. Also, my parents (and whole family except for husband and I) are smokers and yet we've asked them to not smoke around the children when we come to visit. I don't think that's out of the realm of what you can and should ask for considering it's their health and safety. If my family ever objected, I would be ok with it because it is their home and we would stay in a hotel instead. However, when you bring something that is an illegal substance around, I would have a big problem and would likely avoid anyone who feels it's ok.

Call me a goody two shoes but that's how I feel.

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

I'm not sure how you're the odd one out, since most of us said we'd decline (I would have declined when they first asked because I wouldn't have wanted to take the chance that my kids would be around pot smoking). I don't think anyone said "just suck it up and go". But the reality is, most people aren't going to call the cops on their friends. We're not saying it's OK what OP's friends are doing. You never really say what exactly you would do in OP's situation? Call the cops on your friend and say "I think they'll be smoking pot on Christmas?"

[daisymommy]

To OKKiddos credit though, if an under 21 age person is caught having a drink, or you are caught speeding, you aren't going to get arrested or land in jail. But if you are caught with marijuana, you very well may. Whole different kind of illegal in terms if the consequences of ones actions.


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[rin]

To OKKiddos credit though, if an under 21 age person is caught having a drink, or you are caught speeding, you aren't going to get arrested or land in jail. But if you are caught with marijuana, you very well may. Whole different kind of illegal in terms if the consequences of ones actions.


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Not necessarily, actually. Even if you don't live in one of the two states where it's been legalized, small quantities are decriminalized in many states. Almost half the states in the US have laws permitting small quantities for personal use, sometimes only for medical use, sometimes for recreational too.

ETA: And you can absolutely get arrested for underage drinking, at least in my state. Several of my brother's friends were arrested in high school when the police showed up at a party where there was beer being served.

[larig]

As an aside, the easy relaxed way that most people are responding with an oh well, it's their house, their rules attitude really disturbs me. If another illegal substance had been substituted in there (like meth) instead I'm sure that it would not be ok. Both are illegal.

Well, I didn't pay attention to the state she was in, but in two states it's legal now. Granted, not legal federally, but in those states it passed with a big majority, so I think that people are more comfortable with it than you might think, even if they themselves choose not to partake.

[wellyes]

In my state, a speeding ticket costs more than getting caught with marijuana in public. And in a private residence, police would not do a thing.

We decriminalized marijuana by referendum vote on the state level, it is just a small fine to have an ounce or less. Still illegal to sell.

I am not sure about what percentage of schools have zero-tolerance policies, but I know you can get kicked out of college for underage drinking. I saw it on Modern Family! Of course, you can lose your job for smoking pot in some places. But being on a house with people who imbibed is not criminal.

[AshleyAnn]

I'd have 0 problem with their activity (no worse than booze, IMO) but I think you need to excuse yourself bc its a deal breaker for you. You aren't in charge of the guest list and, IMO, can not make your request on activity. You dont like it then best not to go.

I agree with this 100%

[wellyes]

I really appreciate all the feedback. You are all reflecting the internal debate I'm having.

I've decided to go and not say anything and hope for the best, and leave early (and gracefully) if things get awkward. And then I'll know to ask more questions for future gatherings to see if they're the right fit for our family.

Good solution. I hope you have fun and the guests have the sense to keep the party family-friendly.

[sunnyside]

I grew up with parents who smoke pot and my dad and his friends still do. I don't imbibe but I know when I visit him with certain friends there'll be pot smoking going on. From experience I can say two things about pot smokers - they congregate in a group and they're generally mellow, reasonable people. So if it does seem like they're going to smoke and you said "hey guys, not around my kids please." They'd probably be responsive to that.

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This, but also... From what I understand they would be going outside and away from you/everyone, and you wouldn't have any idea if they were going to smoke or not.